Being a Sexually Authentic, Conscious and Empowered Man
Bringing Our Sexuality into Integrity with the Rest of Our Life
I recently celebrated and staffed my 20th anniversary weekend. I went through my NWTA in Washington state in February 1999.
What a profound journey that first MKP weekend initiated.
I entered my weekend as a man in the midst of a brutal divorce. I was being viciously vilified around my sexuality, the center of a public slander campaign. Overnight I had become an outcaste, a persona non grata in my community of 27 years. It was shocking to me that literally no one, even people I had known as friends over 20 years, ever asked my side of the story. I felt abandoned, betrayed, afraid and alone.
But I was determined as I entered my weekend to reclaim my personal power, my dignity and my right to be true to myself.
My weekend, as almost any MKP man I know would attest, gave me the foundation for declaring my mission, reclaiming my honor, and ultimately my love for myself as I moved forward down my path. It was a game-changer for me. It gave me the founding principles for how I would navigate my mission these last 20 years.
I left my weekend with this overarching mission: As a man among men I create a world where it is safe to be different by being true to myself.
Another aspect of my mission came into focus during a process talking about men’s sexuality. I was about ¾ of the way around the circle and watched man after man take his brief minutes to share some hidden aspect of his sexuality that had shaped his view of himself. And the sharing was exclusively negative – sneaking, hiding, porning, cheating, violating boundaries, deep shame, inadequacy and more.
This was true for every man before me. No one spoke of the pleasure of sex, the deep intimacy, the epic orgasms, the hot role-play, sacred-sexuality. There was nothing positive spoken by any man about his sexuality. I found this deeply upsetting.
When it came to my turn I stood and proudly stated that I was moving towards claiming my sexuality. I was owning and enjoying my sexuality. I was learning to be honest and embrace my desires. I was excited to start living out my sexuality in an honest, transparent way. I loved my sexuality!
I let it be known that I was a Kink-oriented man that practiced conscious, consensual, negotiated Kink. I did not choose to reveal in that moment that I was also working on the complicated task of untangling decades of shame, fear, trauma and harsh internalized moral judgments about my sexuality as well. There simply was not enough time to go deeper into my experience of my sexuality!
I do not know really what anyone else in that circle actually felt, but that moment was significant for me. I sat back down and was immediately immersed in a wave of toxic shame and fear that betrayed the exuberance of my sexual check-in. I got no sense that anyone in the circle was comfortable or supportive of my enthusiastic share. I knew I wanted to address this perception that a man could only appropriately address his sexuality in the negative.
I felt determined to shift that over-riding sex-negative view of men’s sexuality to allow both the shadow AND gold to be part of a man’s sharing.
I wanted to introduce a deeper conversation around men and sexuality into MKP and men’s work. I believed that a single process during that weekend did not allow any level of depth or nuance of my sexual experience to be expressed or explored, and I felt this would have been true for many men.
In being true to myself and my mission, I returned to school after this period and got a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology. I began to work with men, women and couples in supporting them to embrace, understand and explore their authentic sexual nature and untangle shame, fear and trauma from its honest, joyous expression. I developed innovative techniques to help clients shift from compulsive, secretive, risky sexual behaviors to negotiated, consensual ecstatic sexual engagements.
I became an author, educator, sex-researcher and therapist. I developed lectures and CE accredited classes for professional therapists and students of human sexuality that are offered through accredited educational institutions. I have been invited to give lectures and workshops from St Petersburg, Berlin, Paris, Milan, London, New York and more.
I owe my capacity to have persevered through the great trials I experienced at the start of my journey, to all the personal work I have done that began with my MKP weekend. This personal work into the depths of my being has allowed me to stand in my truth, heal, and vigorously pursue my mission and vision of shame-free sexual authenticity.
I am so deeply grateful to all the beautiful brothers who have loved, encouraged, supported and embraced me as I am, through these last two decades.
It has taken twenty years, but I am excited to announce a new 2-day workshop for men on addressing the depths of their sexuality.
Being sexually authentic is your birthright. Learning to share your deepest sexual truths with a trusted partner is one of the most loving, liberating, intimate and ecstatic of human experiences. Embracing your authentic sexuality in a way that is in integrity with your values, responsibilities and relationship agreements is both an empowering and healing journey
The “Being a Sexually Authentic, Conscious and Empowered Man” workshop is now being offered in:
- Portland – July 27-28
- San Francisco – August 17-18
- Los Angeles – September 7-8
- London – September 21-22
In the last year, this workshop has been successfully presented in Berlin, Germany, Portland, OR and Seattle, WA. Here are a few testimonials from men who attended.
“I’ve experienced an absolutely amazing, breathtaking, transformational, life changing weekend. The experiences I’ve had, the things that I’ve learned, and the beautiful humans I’ve connected with brought me a huge step closer towards becoming the man I am supposed to be sexually and otherwise, yet who I denied and repressed for all of my past life. I feel that my life has gotten a completely new direction now.”
“I want to tell you how motivating and enriching I found your workshop. Your knowledge and sensitivity on the subject helped me as a 70 year old bi-sexual man to find new courage and skills to bring to my 40 year relationship. The work helped me to continue healthy growth and communication with the person I love. The facilitation and other skills you bring into this work, are a gift to all of us fortunate enough to participate! Thank you again for sharing your many gifts!”
It was truly an enlightening experience for me. I felt the rituals helped me tap into my inner wisdom in order to find my own resources for healing some emotional blocks I have been experiencing for some time. I’m so grateful the work revolved around guiding us to find our own sources of empowerment in a strength based fashion, rather than trying to eliminate negative patterns or behaviors. This has helped me clear up other issues indirectly, and that’s a beautiful thing.”
Mike Smith – Loving Bear
“Galen’s skill is quite astounding in his ability to help us reveal and combine widely varying aspects of our individual humanity and sexuality into a rich composite whole self. I witnessed profound, grounded and conscious revelations occur to participants throughout the workshop. It was a very potent experience for me. Highly recommended.”
If you are a man ready to get in integrity around your sexuality in a supportive container with other men with the same intent, I would love to have you join us for one of the upcoming workshops.
If you would like to see this workshop happen in your community, please send me a DM and we can discuss.
Here is the link with full details https://galenfous.com/2019/04/03/being-a-sexually-authentic-conscious-empowered-man/
Bless you brothers for all the support over the last 2 decades to bring my vision of shame-free ecstatic sexuality to the MKP community.
Galen Fous MTP