If You Want to Change – Go Deep
by Owen Marcus
I, like the rest of us, would much rather do the minimum than work hard. Why do more than you need to?
Well, there are times when our mental solutions don’t work. In this post on my blog I write about how the mantra of our groups is – “Take the man deeper” produces a level of change unattainable from any mental technique I have ever seen.
We are trained to be smart, to come up with solutions to problems. We compete to come up with the best solution as quickly as possible. Our egos, or at least I will say mine, wants to be the “smartest man in the room.” We admire men who are articulate in their solutions.
This strategy might work well in business, law or many of our professions. It doesn’t work well for sustainable change. Whenever this strategy is in the room we are defensive, as we should be. There is a competition happening, we need to step up – not step down into our feelings.
Knowing that as men we are inheritantly competitive, I help orchestrate in our groups a subtle competition of who can go the deepest, the quickest. We have all seen it; the man who speaks the unspeakable immediately gets the respect of all the other men. Isn’t it strange, doing the thing we are trained not to do produces the most respect?
How to go deep
I explain in the post that learning how to go deep comes from observing those that have gone there and can go there when needed, in other words, modeling it. In the ‘real world’ we don’t often see this behavior, but in our groups we do. The senior men step up and model the courage it takes to say the unspeakable or to expose oneself when the situation is not safe.
A powerful weekly group is your best support for developing your ability to go deep within yourself and to hold the space for another man to go there.