Men living with heart
by Daniel Doty
A few months ago, I was talking to a close friend about my work with men and its implications for society. The conversation became heated, and she made the following assertion: “Masculinity is slippery.”
What she meant is that due to societal and historical implications, we now must tiptoe around the topic of masculinity. She meant that being a man has become too complex, too undefined, and too inseparable from a negative historical inflection.
I felt pretty inflamed by this idea. Although her point was fully understood, my gut and my heart literally roared back. I kept the lid on my emotional reaction. and I have since spent substantial time considering her statement carefully. I have developed a clear reply.
The real imbalance in our society concerning masculinity, I feel, has nothing to do with the masculine essence. Rather the imbalance is much more subtly about living with heart.
When connected to the heart, masculinity is a powerful and beautiful thing.
I believe there is a solid mandate for men to stand up and live with heart. Being a man with heart is not a complicated thing; it is simple. A man with heart is not passive; a man with heart has a positive and proactive stance toward himself and the world. With this stance comes compassion, power, the will to act, and the willingness to live in service.
We need of a new, positive discourse about masculinity. We need to stop focusing on the problems or the conflicts. We need to own and live the beauty of manhood. Now is the time.
There is no prescription for this, no set of ideals, and no requirements. The pivotal issues is simply the choice to cultivate one’s own gifts and live them in order to serve one’s community and the world. This goes beyond men and has everything to do with being human. By validating one’s own essence without fear or retraction, a great gift is offered to the world.
Masculinity is not slippery. Masculinity is a gift of immense beauty.
| Dan Doty runs a private mentoring service for young men in New York City. He has several years experience running therapeutic wilderness expeditions, has taught in urban high schools, and really is in love with life. Dan started a blog, Men With Heart Project, dedicated to mentoring men to open up and get moving. |
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
