A father in court
by John Waye
I felt vindicated. The family court judge had awarded me full custody of my seven-year old daughter. My three years of struggle as a single dad had been acknowledged. Even more, I felt huge relief.
Twenty years ago, it was rare for a father to get custody. The court ruling reflects the changing view of fathers in our society.
When my ex-wife had moved out, the responsibility of being a single parent weighed heavily on me even more than most because my job involved shift work. Child care was a nightmare! A co-worker told me I’d never get custody because I worked in a prison.
Eventually, I was able to switch to a regular Monday-to-Friday day shift job. I found good before and after school day care. We settled into a routine.
Then I had an opportunity to move to another city where I had some family, which I felt offered a better situation for both me and my daughter.
In the meantime, my ex-wife had met another guy. She came to see me one day and said she had changed her mind about allowing me to move out of town with our daughter. She was willing to continue with our arrangement as long as I didn’t move. The problem was that I had already accepted the job transfer and sold my home.
So there I was, the day before I was scheduled to move, standing in a court room, not knowing if I’d have to leave my little girl behind. The judge’s decision demonstrated an appreciation of my role as the primary caregiver for her.
That court hearing was a turning point. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, it wasn’t the end or even the beginning of the end but it was the end of the beginning. A fresh start awaited me and my daughter. There would be tough times ahead, but the main thing was that we were still together.
Looking back now with the perspective of years, I can say that becoming a father filled me with joy, and becoming a single dad brought an overwhelming sense of responsibility. The judge’s decision that day gave me a sense that my hard work and love as a father had been acknowledged.
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John Waye, a Life Coach in Vancouver, B.C., calls his business Cobra Coaching and Consulting. In addition to being a certified coach, he has an M.A. in Counselling, is a 4th dan karate black belt, has run or rollerbladed marathons, and his proudest achievement was raising his daughter on his own. |
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