The Evolution of Mission
by Stephen Simmer
The ManKind Project teaches mission as a powerful access point to living a vibrant, connected, and empowered life.
1. NEED is the child-position: I need love, and no matter what relationship I have, I am reaching out to be loved (or reaching out for peace, justice,whatever value). I feel helpless to get love without someone giving it to me. All I can do is plead and complain, with the hope that someone responds with compassion or pity.
2. DEMAND is the slightly older child, who uses anger to try to get the value: I insist that you love me, or damn it, you better give me justice, or peace. Many parents operate out of this demand-position, which is no longer just passively whining. It’s in your face, producing the value by coercion. “Damn it, you better show me some respect!”
3. MANIPULATE is the trickster position. I deny I need love, or respect, etc. I lie to others. I lie to myself. “I’m fine. I’m good.” I don’t take the risk of asking or demanding what I need, so I can hide behind the delusion of being ok as I am, invulnerable. I leave it to others to decipher what my needs really are. When they figure it out and give me what I need, I can deny that it was really important to me.
4. WANT is the adult position: Like in our clearings: my want is that you love me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get it. If you won’t love me, I’ll still work to get love (or peace, or justice) elsewhere. But there is power in stating simply and honestly what it is that I want. My life achieves clarity and focus when I do so. In stating my wants I am giving my goals a name, but it is my job–not yours or his or hers–to make these goals real.
5. MISSION is beyond the ego. It is at the level of the large self, or theuniverse. When I step into mission, it is no longer about me getting love any more. I am working to create love (or peace, or justice) in the universe. I am no longer focused on treating my wounds. I am working in the wounded world. A by-product of this action may be that my own wounds are healed. But I am not the point: I am serving a larger purpose. There’s something wrong about calling it my mission, like it’s a possession that belongs to me—like my car, my I-phone, my job. My mission is greater than me. I belong to it. It grabs me by the throat and sweeps me away with its power.
Steve Simmer, for those of us privileged to know him, lives his life in the midst of the constant stream and theme of mission. Appropriately enough, one of his formal mission statements is that he “creates a world of freedom by encouraging men with my courage to do all that they can be and to be all that they can do.” By profession a psychotherapist, he works continuously to inspire men to actively find and engage in their own mission in this world. Dr. Simmer completed the New Warrior Training Adventure back in 2001, and has never been the same man since.
To learn more about Steve and his work you can visit his website
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
