by Chris Kyle
Let’s do a quick review of the first two purpose myths.
Purpose Myth #1: “I can discover my purpose simply by thinking about it.” (read full Myth #1 here)
This first myth is about how our thinking minds can be a trap for us in opening fully to our purpose, which then requires us to access other parts of ourselves to tap a deeper knowledge.
Purpose Myth #2: “Once my purpose is clear, I will naturally overcome every hurdle and all obstacles without effort.” (read full Myth #2 here)
The second myth points to our ‘quick-fix’ culture and the importance of continually doing our work, both internally and externally, to keep on our purpose path.
And now to the third myth about men and purpose…
PURPOSE MYTH #3: “I need to bring my purpose work into the world by myself because I’m the only one who can drive it and make it happen.”
This myth goes right to the heart of what I believe most challenges men around fully living their purpose boldly in the world… and it boils down to this statement: I HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.
And here are some more variations of this limiting belief: I have to figure it out on my own. I don’t want to look incompetent or stupid here. No one can help me on this one, it’s MY frickin’ purpose after all. I just need to start this on my own first, and then I can get help later. Hey, I got this.
One of the most difficult things for men to do is to ask for help. And at one level it’s not our fault because so much of this “Do-it-Alone” attitude and behavior comes from our culture and how we are socialized as boys and then as men.
Be tough, don’t show your emotions, you’re weak if you need help, be strong and self-reliant, be independent not dependent. These are the messages we’ve received as men in nearly all modern cultures around the world.
And it’s a problem.
These beliefs and internalized cultural messages keep us isolated and limited as men. This is especially true when it comes to the riskier aspect of listening to our own inner Call to a purpose that may not fit the norm of success.
Busting Through Myth #3
The test for men who are committed to living a powerful, engaged life of purpose is to first recognize that these internal messages exist, and then do the necessary inner exploration to see what your unique versions of these messages are and where they come from.
Then from this awareness you can make new choices in your life to consciously create what you want through the help and support of others. This also opens you up to receive unexpected gifts and opportunities that you may not have allowed in while locked in theLone Wolf (an Inner Bully Archetype) mindset.
So one of the keys to activating your purpose in the world is to consciously seek the support, mentorship, knowledge and help from others early on in your purpose discovery process to build the healthy container of support where you can flourish.
Building the muscle of asking is what shifts the old pattern of ‘going solo’ to having a new set of resources available.
Key Purpose Tool: The Practice of Asking for Help
This tool may be simple, but it’s not necessarily easy.
Take a look at the projects or major tasks you have on your plate right now either at work or at home. Identify one that’s new to you, or one you think you can do on your own but might need your own research.
Once you have the project in mind, then think about whom you could ask for mentorship, advice or support about that project BEFORE you get started on it. Ideally it’s someone who might have experience with your project/task area, although they don’t have to be experts for you to get good mentoring.
And now go ASK that person for their mentoring and/or support on the project you’re about to start. It’s important that you set the space and the time (15-20 minutes) to ask without being distracted. It’s not something you should just do in passing.
I encourage you to do this more than once. Get in the practice of it—just to see what interesting ideas and possibilities might emerge.
To supporting your purpose,
Chris
P.S. The Man on Purpose 7-Week Courselaunches Tuesday March 19, 2013. The course will provide a high level of support for helping you navigate your limiting patterns so you can play a bigger game in your life and really come alive. It has a unique component in that each participant will receive live 1-on-1 mentoring throughout the course. Go to the course information page for more info and to register.
Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project®, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.
Chris is the former Chief Development Officer and Chief Marketing Officer at Evolving Wisdom LLC, an online learning company that produces virtual courses with leading luminaries in the personal development arena. At Evolving Wisdom he co-developed The Way of the Evolutionary Man tele-summit with host Craig Hamilton. Chris was an invited speaker for The Shift Network’s Ultimate Men’s Summit in 2011.
In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
