Four Steps to Surviving the Heart-Ache
by Steve Harper
As the Rolling Stones said: “You can’t always get what you want.” That’s what I’ve been negotiating in my creative life these days. After months of continuing my search for TV writing work, I’ve not yet gotten a job. I’m still in the game, no question, but it’s been frustrating and difficult.
And it’s gotten me thinking about the challenge (familiar for all creative folks) of being far from the opportunities we covet. Early on in my writing career, I wrote several “actor plays” – about theatrical types who were on the hunt for a big break.
These plays were full of humor (and heartache) and inevitably were decried as “whiny” and “self-involved” by audience members who had no tolerance for this kind of artist’s dilemma. I was told, in no uncertain terms: “These artists chose their careers – so the pain that they’re in is optional. If it’s so awful – they could choose a different line of work.”
Easier said than done, certainly. And in today’s economy – with everyone feeling the pinch (or threat) of unemployment, there might be more sympathy for the artist dilemma. Switching careers is not so easy. (But it is do-able, as several of my clients can attest.)
The real issue is simple: “How to survive the heart-ache and keep on going.” That’s what it comes down to. Everyone can relate to that. There’s got to be a way to acknowledge the down moments – recognize the struggle – honor the experience – and still get up the next day and try again.
So how do we do that? Four things help me: Feel it: The more I can lean into the disappointment: experience it, move through it, the more I can develop empathy for myself. I can take time to sink into the feelings, journal about them – complain on paper. At some point with acknowledgment comes empathy – I see how hard it is. I can cultivate compassion for myself. And that feels good.
Look for an Objective View: This one’s not so easy. But it is possible to see the facts. I realize, in pursuing the kind of work I love – that it’s elusive. Millions of people want the same kind of work. Talent is everywhere. And there are many artists, like me, feeling the same challenges. All over Hollywood, all over the world. So it’s not just me.
Find Human Connection: I’m a big people junkie – so calling up a friend or someone I love and downloading what’s going on is a no-brainer. If it’s not second nature for you, take baby steps. Send an email to someone. Find a group or make one. There’s support – if you look for it.
Do the work: I’ve been amazed, in the midst of all this, how great it feels to write. I’m working on a new play. I’m writing this newsletter. I can sit down and put myself to work (which, to me, is the joy of writing). And the notion of waiting for someone or something else disappears for a while.
Ultimately, it’s about writing anyway – so I’m certain to get better at if I keep putting words on paper – even if it’s not in service of a TV writing job. And it turns out, even though “You can’t always get you want”, the song goes on: “You can try some times and you just might find – you get what you need.”
For me, the chance to sink down into the despair is only the first step in recognizing that just above my head – just outside my brain, just beyond my world, there’s something larger to connect to. Call it Spirit, call it work, or call it the Spirit of work. It’s a path to a new perspective. For me, that’s the solution.
Steve Harper attended Yale as an undergrad, the A.R.T. at Harvard for acting school and studied playwriting at Juilliard. He has been doing personal creativity coaching since 2008 and has studied extensively with Eric Maisel and The Creativity Coaching Association. Harper is a professional actor and writer with a passion and commitment for coaching artists who want to pursue their creative work while keeping a healthy balance between their professional and personal lives. Steve completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in 2005. Visit his blog: http://www.yourcreativelife.com/
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
