A Man’s Call to Man-Making
by Earl Hipp
My wife and I met the Sudanese refugee Ojulu Agote and his family in 1993 through the sponsoring organization that brought them to the United States. Ojulu had experienced the horrors of tribal warfare and then the abuses of refugee life. After making his way through countless bureaucratic barriers, he was without any material resources. He and his family, living in a cockroach infested one-bedroom apartment, were facing a mountain of practical needs.
At our first meeting, I was focused on marshaling friends and family to get him all the material support he was lacking, such as an immediate need for boots and jackets to handle a cold Minnesota February. When I asked Ojulu how I might support him in his new world, without a moment’s hesitation he responded, “I want you to teach my son how to be a man in your country.”
I felt shocked by Ojulu’s request. Here was a man who literally only had a couple of mattresses, some beat-up cookware, and the clothing on his back. Yet most important thing at the top of his list upon arriving in his new country was finding a male elder who could guide his son toward manhood and success.
Ojulu was asking me to play the role of man-maker in his son’s life. I don’t remember my exact reply, but I do remember being feeling embarrassed, strangely inadequate, and unsure about accepting the responsibility that was inherent in his request.
My path had not included fathering children. While I was doing a good job of being an uncle, until that moment I hadn’t considered myself a maker of men with a critical role to play in any adolescent boy’s journey into manhood.
From his tribal background, I later learned, Ojulu knew that even in the best father/son relationship, elders and the other men in the community had critically important gifts for his son. He felt that if his son did not make a successful crossing into manhood, everything he had fought to achieve in getting his family to this country could be lost.
Ojulu’s request touched something deep in me and changed the course of my life. For guidance on how to best honor this request, I asked the advice of my men friends and I started a research website (man-making.com) where I solicited stories and suggestions from men from around the world. I was amazed to discover that with few exceptions, most men had responses similar to my own.
While many men had ideas about what was important for an adolescent male to know, few of them could identify a clear approach for teaching an emerging male how to be a man. Many men said they felt that they had been poorly prepared for manhood, that they didn’t have much to offer boys, and that they felt little responsibility to mentor young males on their journey to manhood.
As I considered what I was learning in my research, I started to examine my own adolescence. I found old feelings of anger and sadness. I remembered that when my masculinity was emerging, the men in my family and community didn’t gather around me to honor this important transition and teach me the male secrets I was so hungry to learn.
I can look back now and see how desperately I needed, wanted, and deserved the adult male involvement and support that never materialized to any significant degree. Like too many adolescent males, I was left with the women and children to figure out manhood on my own.
I slowly began to realize that for much of my adult life I had been unconsciously searching for something I couldn’t name. I was living with lingering, unformed questions about what it meant to be a man. I didn’t know what should or could be included in the full range of a mature masculine potential and identity.
While I did well by societal standards, I never felt I had acquired that mysterious collection of male skills, knowledge, blessings, clarity of life purpose, or the core confidence that makes one a realized, solid, mature, and upright man.
Like so many of my peers I never definitively crossed the line into manhood. I never learned how to be there for boys when they first heard the call to manhood.
If I was going to be able to honor Ojulu’s request, I had to become the man I wanted to be. I felt a growing call to help men understand and remember an adolescent boy’s need for male mentoring and to provide men with some guidance on how to comfortably step into a man-making role. In so many ways, Ojulu’s question and the journey for me that resulted, has profoundly changed my life and touched many others.
Since that moment sixteen year ago, my personal commitment to this work, knowledge about the male universe, and actions to inspire men toward man-making have grown considerably. I did the MKP New Warrior Training Adventure to experience my own initiation and I have participated in the Boys to Men mentoring program.
In 2004 I launched the Man-Making blog (journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/) to collect information about “men, boys, male culture, mentoring, rites of passage, and other topics related to the challenge of men helping boys on their journey to manhood.” In 2006 I published the book, “Man-Making – Men Helping Boys on Their Journey to Manhood,” and repositioned the Man-Making.com website as a resource repository.
Today, in addition to Ojulu’s son Okugn, I’m involved in mentoring relationships with many other young males. I’m a volunteer for organizations that are directly involved with moving boys into manhood. I both sponsor and participate in activities that include men and boys, and I have repositioned my speaking, training and writing to be in service to this cause.
I am connecting with men from all over the world who are discovering and developing their full masculine potential, including making commitments to show up for boys and designing programs for turning boys into men. I am doing everything I can do to become the man who can help Ojulu’s sons, and other males on our collective journey to manhood.
Ojulu’s one question, a question that came out of ancient tribal wisdom and which reached deep into my male soul, has changed my life in countless wonderful ways. What about you? The boys in your life know you have the keys to their successful journey to manhood, and they are waiting for you. I also know, from experience, that there are unimaginable gifts waiting for you in your quest for the answer.
 |
Earl Hipp has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in applied psychophysiology, and a background as a clinical psychotherapist. Since 1982, he has consistently been involved with groups and organizations that focus on men’s issues and development. Since 1985, Earl has written seven books about and for adolescents. |
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
