Thanks for cheating on me
by Jeffrey Wilson
By January of 1994, I had achieved my vision and had a “perfect” life – a beautiful wife, two young sons, a house in the suburbs, and I had been named to the management succession plan of the Fortune 500 company where I worked. Everything was just right.
A month later in February, I discovered my wife was having an affair. After many lengthy discussions, arguments, and begging sessions, she agreed to stop the affair and work on our marriage.
Over the next year we went to a counselor, took a second honeymoon and I bought her the diamond anniversary ring she had always wanted. Meanwhile, I slipped further and further into a deep depression. My productivity at work deteriorated; I was warned repeatedly that my job was in jeopardy.
In March of 1995, I discovered my wife had resumed the affair. I was fired from my perfect job. I moved out of my dream house. My life was crashing down around me. I sat on the balcony of a lonely apartment contemplating the logistics of putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger.
The next day a friend told me that if I committed suicide, I would be giving my children permission to deal with their problems the same way. His comment ignited something inside of me and I became determined not to be that type of example to my children. I decided to save my life and even rebuild it.
This decision led me to a series of personal growth trainings and workshops (including the NWTA) that gave me a new perspective on what life could be. I began to wake up and realize that I never did have the “perfect” life.
I finally began to listen to that still, small voice inside of me. The inner voice told me that my marriage had been dead for ten years and I was merely afraid to face it because I was afraid of divorce.
The inner voice told me that the friends I hung out with were incongruent with the person I wanted to be, that I needed to leave that reference group behind and build a new one.
The inner voice told me that I always wanted to be a writer, but I settled for a management job because it seemed more safe and secure.
The inner voice told me that I always wanted to help people in need, but I wasn’t doing so in the way I should.
The inner voice told me that I was wasting my talents.
At long last I began to honor my own thoughts and really feel my feelings rather than stuffing them.
At each step of the journey I was really “letting go” of something, such as a belief, a way of looking at the world, an idea of perfection, a job, and even a spouse. Each time I let go of something I could see myself a little clearer. I reached a point where I could really see me for the first time. I began to craft the life I wanted rather than the one that I had been taught was right (big house in suburbs, corporate job, two kids, marriage).
I realized that listening to others’ opinions of what my life should be, in fact, had merely lowered my level of consciousness. I learned that whether I lived alone or enjoyed the deepest intimacy with a loving partner, deep down I had to face the reality that my life was mine alone to live.
I could choose to temporarily yield control of my life to others – a company, a spouse, or the pressures of daily living -but I could never give away my personal responsibility for the results. Whether I assumed direct and conscious control over my life or merely reacted to events as they happened to me, I alone had to bear the consequences.
Today, I am so grateful to my wife for having the affair. Because it sent me on a journey to discover that the life I was living was an illusion. The choices I had made until then were based upon a belief system that had been given to me rather than one chosen by me.
Because of her I was able to exercise my human endowment of courage and progressively build the strength to face my deepest, darkest fears, I could begin to live as the powerful being I truly am. I can now say that I have awakened to the incredible potential within me, and I accept what that requires of me.
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Jeffrey Wilson is a survivor of 23 years of psychiatric drug treatment, a former executive in the pharmaceutical industry and the author of Irrational Medicine: The Antidepressant Crisis and How To Avoid Unnecessary Behavioral Drugs. He is a recognized expert in overcoming depression and is passionate about each person’s ability to recover and create a life full of joy and meaning. For information visit www.depressionhope.net |
– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.
