So trauma - una poesia

Categoria: Uomini e ombra , Poesia

by Les Gaines

Come se addormentato in un mare di smentita, odiando la mia ombra,
il mio amico fedele con me lungo tante miglia.
So che la paura paralizzante di intensificare al di là della porta d'ingresso;
che la speranza di una vita migliore è stata lasciata ignorato migliore.

So trauma.

So che il dubbio che viene
quando tutti sbagliato sembra giusto,
e tutto sembra giusto sbagliato;
quando ogni braccio, ma la mia sembra forte.

So che l'impotenza di cercare di sentire come qualcosa,
mentre il mio cervello sta gridando che io sono niente.

So trauma.

L'intrusione di phantom mani, suoni, e profumi
che attraversano il divario di tempo a fare pericolo sento così imminente.
Flashback si chiamano,
per coloro che camminano con la memoria intatta.
So quanto tempo che il panico può durare.

Ma so anche il potere di Bontà e Vita
che scherma un soldato in più vizioso di lotte.
So che la forza delle mani, pronti a sopravvivere.

Vedi,
So come prosperare.
Come cercare le risorse infinite della mente,
per sbloccare le catene del peccato ripristino innocenza,
Ho pensato lasciato alle spalle.

So che il potere del desiderio di libertà
che mi ha fatto stare dalla mia crawl, e
buttare via che zerbino con la scritta "free-for-all".

Questa è la mia vita!
Ed è tempo che il cambiamento
le regole di quel vecchio gioco offensivo
per ripristinare ogni frammento del mio Sé al suo giusto posto.

Dirò quello che sono,
Amore, Vita e Libertà.
Sono Choice. Sono Real.
Io sono qui ... con il coraggio di guarire.

Les Gaines

Dopo aver ottenuto la vittoria sul invalidante PTSD, Les Gaines torna alla sua missione come un guaritore, allenatore, altoparlante, e avvocato per i sopravvissuti disabili di traumi infantili. Lui è un guaritore metafisica certificata, e uno studente appassionato di Giudeo / mistica cristiana, e sciamanesimo. Les spera di condividere il suo percorso di guarigione e la responsabilizzazione attraverso il suo amore per la poesia, l'arte e la musica. Les ha completato la formazione avventura New Warrior nel mese di agosto 2012, ed è membro grata della igroup BWOE nel DM.

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LEADER ferito: A Book Review

Categoria: Recensioni

Guest post di Peter Clothier

"Leader feriti: britannica elitarismo e l'illusione diritto", di Nick Duffell.

In primo luogo, non date per scontato dal sottotitolo di questo libro che è irrilevante per noi qui in America, o per la nostra leadership. È di vitale importanza, non importa la specificità del suo bersaglio. Titolo di Nick Duffell avrà risonanza per chi ha vissuto negli ultimi due decenni in America e ho guardato i nostri capi feriti in azione, o, più correttamente, l'inazione. Che-detto e ci torneremo a questa sua tesi centrale è che il collegio di governo istruita elite in Gran Bretagna sono di per sé inconsciamente disciplinati dalle ferite durevoli sostenute dalla esperienza di essere mandato via dalla famiglia in tenera età, e collocato in un ambiente militarista in cui imparano a proteggersi da un mondo esterno ostile.

Posso parlare di questo. Io sono quello che Duffell riferisce giustamente come un sopravvissuto Boarding School. Come psicoterapeuta praticante, ha una lunga pratica progettato per portare queste persone di ritorno da loro disorientamento emotivo e l'isolamento. Avrei potuto usare i suoi servizi, molto tempo fa, ma ha dovuto scoprire la mia strada attraverso questo labirinto. Sono stato mandato via a scuola all'età di sette anni, e per il momento sono scappato verso la libertà, all'età di diciotto anni, avevo ricevuto una notevole formazione testa-oriented ma è rimasto quello che spesso mi descrivo come un invalido emotivo. Avevo imparato l'arte costosa e pericolosa di evasione e di invulnerabilità emotivo. Come un sette o otto anni, non potevo permettermi di fare altro che reprimere i sentimenti che mi aprirebbero per attaccare dai miei compagni di pensionanti: paura, rabbia, tristezza, dolore, il terribile dolore di essere separati dai genitori che mi ha assicurato che amavano me, anche se era difficile capire il paradosso di essere amato e ancora esiliato dalla famiglia, il luogo di quell'amore.

Il risultato della mia formazione eccellente è che non ho mai cresciuto. Piuttosto, mi ci sono voluti altri tre anni prima di rendermi conto che c'era qualcosa di sbagliato con la vita come una tartaruga in un guscio. Imbarco Scuola sopravvissuti, come Duffell li descrive, sono stentata individui così coinvolti nella loro testa che rimangono scollegati dalla loro cuori. Io semplificare i suoi argomenti profondamente ben informati e sottili, la cui linea di fondo è che la classe dirigente della Gran Bretagna, collegio e Oxbridge educato, sono estremamente qualificato per portare nel nostro mondo del XXI secolo perché ottengono così intensamente concentrati sulla loro distorto, visione razionale delle questioni nazionali e globali che rimangono impermeabili (invulnerabili) per il quadro più ampio dei bisogni umani. Essi sono in grado di ascoltare, di entrare in empatia con gli altri che se stessi e la propria specie. Essi sono guidati dalla certezza del loro senso di rettitudine. Dubitare, a domanda, per avere un cambiamento del cuore è quello di essere vulnerabili, e la vulnerabilità è l'ultima cosa al mondo che possono permettersi. (Capitolo finale di Duffell, il dubbio, è particolarmente eloquente e sul bersaglio.)

Sono certamente qualificato per valutare gli aspetti più tecnici della tesi di Duffell. Per questo lettore, sembra impressionante informati e up-to-date con le ultime scoperte delle neuroscienze e della psicologia accademica. Si basa su una visione ampia dello sviluppo filosofico del razionalismo ei suoi critici, i movimenti sociali compensative di repressione e ribellione, e contestualizza la sua argomentazione in quella prospettiva storica. Nella nostra epoca contemporanea, i suoi esemplari sono in primo luogo quelli come l'ex primo ministro Tony Blair, l'Inghilterra attuale primo ministro David Cameron, e il sindaco di Londra Boris Johnson, i cui atteggiamenti e le azioni sono profondamente e in vista-erroneamente di Duffell reazionaria. Come lo vede, si bullo e spacconate loro modo passato opposizione in azioni militari futili e programmi sociali che arricchiscono il già privilegiato e ricco e contribuiscono all'impoverimento continuo dei bisognosi. Nessuna meraviglia che l'Inghilterra che descrive è un paese arrabbiato.

Verso la fine del libro, Duffell espande la sua visione di una élite diritto a includere breve riferimento alle americane leader in particolare, naturalmente, George W. Bush, il cui perseguimento cieco e sconsiderato di un ossessione illusoria ci correvano a capofitto nella guerra contro l'Iraq. I risultati disastrosi sono con noi oggi, nella forma di un Medio Oriente in subbuglio senza fine. Guardando l'America oggi, una nazione di persone sicuramente arrabbiato come il British-avevo sostengono che ciò che Duffell chiama illusione diritto non è affatto limitato a elitismo britannico. I nostri leader devono essere conteggiati tra i feriti. La nostra leadership è dominata dalla litigi di ragazzini che non hanno mai cresciuto oltre la necessità di proteggere se stessi e il loro territorio da parte di chi non è d'accordo con loro. I nostri problemi politici sono gli stessi di quelli Duffell descrive nel suo paese: il militarismo, il razionalismo sbagliata e pregiudizievole, una mancanza di empatia per i poveri e diseredati, un presupposto di rettitudine che rifiuta altre visioni senza udienza, un rifiuto arrabbiato di dubbio o di rivalutazione di precedentemente detenuta viste.

Il diritto, direi, non è di proprietà esclusiva delle élite britannica. Io stesso credo che sia anche, più in generale, un fattore di privilegio maschile storica, la tradizione patriarcale. C'è un mito persistente nella nostra cultura che vede gli uomini come esseri razionali, il controllo degli eventi, in grado, pratiche, mentre le donne sono (ancora, agli occhi di troppi di noi uomini) percepiti come irrazionale, guidato dalle emozioni piuttosto che la ragione , e quindi meno competente in posizioni di leadership. Duffell sostiene con passione per una via di mezzo, quella che minimizza né la ragione né emozione, ma riequilibra il quoziente di intelligenza con il quoziente emotivo, la testa con il cuore, la ragione con compassione ed empatia. Sono d'accordo con lui, che, se non come una specie in grado di trovare l'equilibrio, siamo in tempi pericolosi per avanti. Il suo libro è un monito e importante della necessità di "cambiare idea" in un modo fondamentale, e aprirci al potente e pratico-sapienza del cuore. Mi auguro sinceramente che il libro troverà lettori al di là del paese di origine di cui scrive. Le sue intuizioni sono profondamente necessarie ovunque, in tutto il mondo.

Guarda per prossimo romanzo di Peter Clothier sulla sessualità maschile, "il bastone del pellegrino" (un vecchio eufemismo per il pene.) E 'raccontata da due narratori, una figura pittore contemporaneo e 18 ° secolo e gentleman inglese. Scene di sesso Frank e potboiler eccitazione! Pietro è un NWTA 1994 avviare, un anziano attivo rituale di una volta, e scrittore d'arte ben noto. Il suo ultimo libro, "slow Looking: The Art of Guardando Art," esplora i valori di contemplazione e meditazione. Sentitevi liberi di scrivere lui a peter clothier@mac.com .

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Un circolo di uomini

by Les Gaines

Mi siedo in un cerchio con uomini
che sono pronti ad andare dentro,
i cui occhi fiammata come diamanti in incognito
e i cui corpi sono pronti con determinazione.

Non volendo scendere a compromessi,
e con le menti intelligenti come un dispositivo di levigatura,
i fratelli ascoltano.
Per gemiti e gemiti di ombre e dubbi
che totale: "Sono meno."

In questo cerchio di uomini,
troviamo tracce di speranza che abbiamo visto prima,
nascosto dietro le porte d'infanzia
suscitando dolore dobbiamo esplorare.

E in questo viaggio troviamo missione della nostra vita
di essere ciò che siamo, senza chiedere il permesso.
Per fare quello che gli uomini buoni hanno sempre fatto,
essere disposti ad essere "l'Uno."

In questo cerchio di uomini,
un guerriero aumenta all'occasione,
per vedere il mondo ha fatto
e rivendicare il suo potere di cambiarla.

Qui le mani battere su tamburi,
And, masculine roars form our songs,
calling the four directions, the sky and the earth
and upon ancestor's shoulders we take up our work.

In this circle of men,
there is power to turn ore to steel,
to dissolve every illusions that prevents
living a life that is real.

In this circle of men,
there is truth in projections
and healing when a man encounters his own golden reflections.

Les Gaines

After gaining victory over disabling PTSD, Les Gaines returns to his mission as a healer, coach, speaker, and advocate for disabled survivors of childhood trauma. He is a certified metaphysical healer, and an avid student of Judeo/Christian mysticism, and shamanism. Les hopes to share his journey of healing and empowerment through his love of poetry, art, and music. Les completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in August 2012, and is a grateful member of the BWOE igroup in MD.

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The Rising of Basic Goodness — Embodiment in a Global Society

Category: Poetry

by Two Crows Calling

First we took a hard look at our ego self
Speaking our feelings of what we wanted in love, work and a peaceful world
Discovering in our dyads and in our meditation that what
we yearned for was so often in breakdown,
“stalled”, not happening.

We saw our own self sabotage, living in illusion, deceit,
blaming others, caught in subtle consumer and family
dramas. Our list of counterfeit, cocoon traits hit home
as endlessly discouraging. For us, “looking good”so often
won out over just being Goodness.

Sitting, we connected deeply with our own “messiness”
We had placed our cart before the Wind horse of our Life.
We were not living from Buddha's last words
“Be a Lamp unto Yourself”

What good fortune the dharma overcame our doubt, fear and
timidity. We were rescued by energies far more powerful
and vast than the dominant culture's repetitive story lines.

Our practice sharpened our will and expanded our hearts.
Our teachers inspired us –breathing truth and love into us.

One day, you finally said a full and deep “YES”
You whispered into your own heart. “OK. I'm tired of being
sick and tired of all my half- hearted measures.”

You told your mind and heart. “I am ready to take it all on”.

I am ready to take the pain and heartache of society into my
own tender, vast and spacious Heart.

And you stepped forward to the front of history's grand stage
You realized the poet Rilke was right after all:

“Whatever the question, Love is the Answer.”

Starvation spreads in Africa and the Middle East while grain rots
in our Midwestern grain storage reserves. More love needed. The 37,000
infant and child deaths every day from polluted water. More of my love needed.

The seemingly endless deaths of mothers and young children in Syria.
More love needed. Clean water for the children? More love from me.
Breaking the horror of human trafficking and slavery?
More love from me.

We leaned into the Wind. Into the Storm. Into the Darkness
of our present Age. We rejoiced in the advancement of Goodness.

We found the dharma was our Shield,our Sword. Our Light.
We felt in our bones “This is my moment.This is our moment.”

And so with each breath, we opened wide our hearts to the pain
and suffering of this world.

Over time our field of action expanded more and more. Sacred warriors
of basic goodness appeared at our side. We became a Oneness.

Together my sisters and brothers
We go forth across this vast world
fertile seeds in the Wind
Making Enlightened Society Possible.
Shambhala! Shambhala!

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The Butterfly King – Edmond Manning on Writing and Daring

Category: Memoir , Men and Sex , Reviews

by Edmond Manning

By what right does a white man tell the story of a black man? Describe that man's struggles, the lifelong challenges he faces, the hardships of living in a white-centric culture?

I have asked myself this question many times.

In September, the third book in my 'Lost and Found Kings' series, The Butterfly King was published. The premise is the same in each book: a gay, Midwestern car mechanic invites another man to spend the weekend together. He promises “…if you submit in every single way, I will help you remember your kingship. I will help you remember the man you were always meant to be.”

Sound familiar?

It's a bastardization of the NWTA weekend. Well, kinda. There are absolutely no affiliations or mentions of MKP in the novel. There is not a fictional organization cleverly renamed “LKP.” Nope. No crossover activities. None. The car mechanic narrator relies on Joseph Campbell and the masculine archetypes to create experiences that help each man discover his unique giftedness. Combined with fairy tale storytelling, emotional manipulation, and a healthy scoop of man-on-man sex, these books have attracted attention for their innovative look at the masculine psyche and the possibility that all men are kings.

I've delighted in writing about different types of men. My tall tales celebrate the power of men, the beauty of men, which includes their woes: the lifelong consequences on a man whose father died young (the first book, King Perry), an angry man who feels betrayed by love and how shitty his life turned out (the second book, King Mai), and the most recent book, my third, deals with a black man in New York city who sacrificed his own future to care for his family.

The Butterfly King.

But by what right does a white man tell a black man's story?

No right.

I find myself in a curious and difficult position. I want to write about interesting people and fascinating lives. It's what writers do, I guess. But how dare a pasty-white, middle-class man attempt to get inside the head of a man of color? I can't possibly know the circumstances of prejudice he experienced growing up and throughout adulthood. It's very possible my attempts to portray empathy come across as condescending, ill-informed, and patronizing. I worry about this. It keeps me awake at night.

A curious parallel exists in my fiction genre.

Right now, most of the books written about the men-loving-men are written by heterosexual women. I'm not kidding. They compose the lion's share of the market of both writers and readers. Some have adopted a man's name for better acceptance or to hide their identities, afraid of the backlash. Most are open and proud of their writing prowess. In fact, gay men now find it difficult to publish their stories—honest-to-gayness-men-loving-men stories—because women so dominate this field and their preferences have become industry traditions. Gay men must conform to these industry standards to get published or be marginalized.

Huh.

The debate comes up three times a year or more in the blogosphere. By what right do women step in and tell gay men's stories? By what right? They don't experience gay bashing, homophobic slurs, and hell, they don't even have the right junk.

And yet, they write. They dare.

The reasons fascinate me. They feel called. Because the stories are about love. Because it's more interesting than writing about their known world, male-female relationships. Some of these women have gay kids, gay friends, gay garage mechanics and they want to make the world safer, more accepting. Whatever their reasons, they dare.

I love this. They dare.

Don't we also dare?

As men in MKP, don't we dare to love men different from ourselves? Don't we step outside our comfortable skins to love men of different ages, of different colors? Don't Republicans sometimes cradle Democrats as they weep over lost marriages? Have you not seen some granola, hippie leader love a young corporate go-getter, doing whatever it takes to honoring that man's kingship? I know you have.

I've seen it, too.

We do not interfere in each other's lives because it's our right to do so. We do it because we dare to love each other as men, as brothers.

I researched this book thoroughly. I read about shifting ethnic migrations to and from New York City from the 1950s through the 2000s. I read books about race. I read articles about white authors attempting to write black characters. I read blogs about blind-spots in dominant culture and how it shows up in insidious, exclusionary ways. I'm glad I did this research, but none of it gives me the right to write.

But I dare.

I write about men of color because I have loved men of color. I have wept in their arms and they in mine. We told our sad stories and felt each other's masculine healing. On staff weekends, we have wiped away each other's sweat and tears, and went back to the carpet if not refreshed, certainly more sturdy. More ready to bear the next sorrowful tale.

We celebrate each other by telling these stories, stories which are not always ours to tell.

I remember a night long ago when my I-group decided my work that night was to share my coming out story. I shrugged. Although I had been complaining of the lifelong estrangements it has caused, I felt it wasn't really relevant. Happened over two decades ago. As I told the experience telling my parents I was gay, two of the straight men in my group cried. Another man said, “Listen to me repeat this to you.”

When I heard my own story coming from his mouth, I cried myself because the story —surprise, surprise— was sad. Although he repeated a few details wrong, he heard and honored the spirit of the tale. Apparently I had to hear it from someone else to recognize the sadness.
When I think about this latest novel, I'm sure I fucked up in a few places because, like most of us, I sometimes fuck up when I'm attempting a big project. That is one story about me. Here is another story I learned by working with MKP: I am also glorious, ridiculously bold and I radiate effervescent, sparkling love from my fingertips when I type fiction. I have the power to reveal how gorgeous, how beautiful men can be.

I celebrate us.

And so, I dare.

Butterfly King

Edmond Manning is the author of a series, The Lost and Founds. The first three books in this series include King Perry, King Mai (a Lambda Literary finalist 2014), and most recently, The Butterfly King. Feel free to say hello at remembertheking@comcast.net .

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Working on My 'To Be' List

by Stephen Simmer – MKP USA Mission Circle Coordinator

I don't read emails, I scan them. The idea of slowing down and staying fully present with a thought is very difficult, very foreign to me. If you're like me, you might notice a persistent voice, right now, telling you to hurry through this email, to grab the point that Simmer is making, deposit into the meaning-bank for possible future use, and move onto the next email waiting in the inbox. If you're like me, right now you're saying to yourself, “I got it” and hurdling over phrases and sentences to get to the next paragraph to see if there's more you need to grab. If you're like me, you don't read, you plunder for necessary meaning as if you're looting a store for a couple of things of value.

I'm also aware that I'm that way with many parts of my life I supposedly care about. I listen with a half an ear to my kids, I listen to my wife impatiently, hoping she will get to the point so I can move on, I hurry down the road with my dogs to get the walk out of the way as fast as I can so I can get onto some other tasks that I can also hurry through.

When I think of working more on mission, there is a voice in me that says emphatically, “I don't have time to do any more.” The conveyer belt is too fast already. I need to work, sack the trash, lug the air conditioners back to the garage, order the stone for the patio, pick up the prescription. Mission? Maybe I can schedule some world-transformation Tuesday between my son's soccer game and grilling the burgers. If I can't sandwich it in there, I'll get to it next lifetime, or the one after that. My mission gradually becomes my o-mission, what I leave out.

This is all wrong. I was taught on my training many years ago that a mission statement had a vision and an action. An action: I saw it as another task on my endless to-do list. But what if mission is not a job? What if it's really a presence? What if it's a challenge to do less, with magnificence? What if it means slowing down, committing to be fully present in this ordinary, splendid moment? What if mission means that I commit myself to be a human be-ing rather than a human do-ing? What if busy-ness is a symptom of evasion of what really matters?

Athletes talk of special times when the game slows down, and maybe mission is really about a commitment to slowing life down so that moments become momentous. These are the moments of Flow that Mihaly Csikszentmihaly identified. This precious moment with my son outside school when he quietly takes my hand as we walk. This encounter with the CVS clerk. This walk with my dog in the rain, both of us dying, him probably a few steps ahead of me, leading the way. I'm ditching my to-do list and starting a to-be list. And what is startling to me is that there is only one thing on the list: to answer the door and welcome the visitor who has been waiting.

Stephen Simmer

Steve Simmer, for those of us privileged to know him, lives his life in the midst of the constant stream and theme of mission. Appropriately enough, one of his formal mission statements is that he “creates a world of freedom by encouraging men with my courage to do all that they can be and to be all that they can do.” By profession a psychotherapist, he works continuously to inspire men to actively find and engage in their own mission in this world. Dr. Simmer completed the New Warrior Training Adventure back in 2001, and has never been the same man since.
To learn more about Steve and his work you can visit his website

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My Poem 310: Meeting Wisdom

My Poem 310: Meeting Wisdom

The shaman knows those noises…
They sometimes disturb the hunt…they
are sometimes the result of the hunt…
You see, the shaman has kept
to his roots, not like the shamans
reed flute, having been cut from
its root, its soundings are the
lamentations of the broken hearted
which the shaman knows but he
Also knows of the healed heart…
knows the Icy grags and shadowed
vales…becoming knowing of the songs…
Of the void between notes, between
the lyrics, between the breath taken
in and the breath expelled… There
he finds the knowing of Wisdom…
There, he meets Her…Mother Sophia

——-

Addenda i54: Oscar Wilde said,

“Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When
people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.”

Do our poems have
to please everyone?
Do we have
a responsibility to be provocative?

Yes! MEN!
We Have That Responsibility!

Of course! We have that responsibility!
Wilde said that! Wilde lived that!
Our 'modern' circumstances demand that …
How could we not … but to invite another Hitler …

Gaia, Mother Earth is demanding that!
Creating storm after massive storm
beyond our experience …

I am demanding that! … of
my Brothers & my Sisters!

The call has been made! It is international!
grass rooted, calling but walked upon …
springing back up into the calling air …
but CALLING again … every society … every Heart
The Mother and mothers everywhere are calling …
Fathers drop war from your consciousness.
It has no future … It begets no future …

But … ITSELF!
And an Earthen hell is the result …
Over and over … again and again …

MEN! What more proof need be portrayed than that goriest
Glorious 20th Century …???

MEN…WHO ARE WE THAT WE CAN”T SEE
IN ALL THIS LIGHT???!!!

Wali Qutbuddin Loren Ruh Smith
August 6, 2014

Qutbuddin Loren Ruh Smith: I'm 75 years old, born in Tacoma, WA and went to high school in Arcata, CA. I served in the US Army, met my first wife and had our first son in France. I started writing poetry in my first college English class in 1961. I've published a book called The Path to The Beloved and I have several books ready to publish. I lived in the Sierras in Grass Valley for 30 years before moving to Albuquerque, NM, in 2012. My book about fathers and sons called This Child and His Tree will be going to the publishers shortly.

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BOYHOOD: Not Exactly a Film Review

GUEST POST: by Peter Clothier

Originally published at the Buddha Diaries

(for Luka, a bit later in his life)

I woke this morning thinking about Barack Obama, and how perfectly he fits the model of manhood proposed by Rudyard Kipling in his unjustly maligned and frequently parodied poem “If.” In case you don't remember it, here's how it starts out:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise…

Doesn't that sound like Obama?

First, though, Boyhood, which provoked these thoughts. We finally got to see this beautiful and profoundly moving film last night. I loved the twelve-year journey of these skillful and committed actors, playing out the emotional development of fictional characters engaged in a fictional narrative as they themselves physically aged. I loved the “truth” of the story itself, of a family struggling with the realities of life—the failed and failing marriages, the financial woes, the abuse of alcohol and drugs, sibling love and feuding, school and the relationships with classmates, the pain of the teenage years, and so on. All along, start to finish, the story had the convincing “feel” of life as most of us experience it.

E il film è fedele al suo titolo. Si tratta di fanciullezza. Anche alla fine, il giovane ragazzo, Mason, la cui vita abbiamo seguito dalla scuola elementare fino all'università non è ancora emersa completamente nella virilità. L'ultimo colpo lo mostra, letteralmente in alto nella splendida cornice naturale delle montagne, e in alto sul fungo di lui alimentato dal suo nuovo compagno di stanza del college. Con una bella giovane donna al suo fianco, si siedono ancora parte timidamente a fianco e non in qualche falsa, prematuro abbraccio, lui guarda fuori in estasi nel paesaggio, come se in un futuro pieno di fascino. Ma è evidente che lui è ancora un ragazzo. Boyhood brilla ancora in faccia; lui è tutto promessa, senza il completamento.

Che non dovrebbe sorprenderci. Non aveva modelli di vera virilità mentre stava crescendo. Il padre biologico di Mason è un ladro affascinante nei suoi primi anni, incapace di accettare le responsabilità del matrimonio, lavoro e famiglia. I successivi rapporti sue forme madre sono con gli uomini la cui virilità è come discutibile come suo padre: un accademico liscio cui insicurezze condurlo ubriachi tirannide; un ex militare la cui immaturità si rivela nella sua insensibilità e inflessibilità. Con una sola eccezione: un insegnante di fotografia che cerca di spostare la nostra Mason di là della sua ostinata, letargici adolescenza-forte, figure maturi che circondano il ragazzo che cresce sono donne. Gli uomini sono semplicemente cresciuti-up ragazzini.

Il che mi porta a riflettere, al di là dei parametri del film, su questa domanda: quali sono le qualità di virilità? Troviamo quello che penso come un vero uomo fin troppo di rado nel nostro mondo contemporaneo. Siamo circondati ovunque da uomini ungrown: gli ubriachi, i tossicodipendenti, i maniaci del lavoro; sacerdoti e gli insegnanti che approfittano della loro posizione di fiducia e sfruttano le vulnerabilità dei bambini; amanti che prendono ciò di cui hanno bisogno e rifiutano la responsabilità; i politici che non hanno la spina dorsale di governare e capitolare troppo facilmente a coloro che li manipolare; idioti pistolero che insistono così stridente sui loro "diritti" e sono pronti a disprezzare i diritti degli altri; eroi dello sport pompato con le droghe illecite e testosterone falso; idoli culturali viziati, molti dei quali poco più che adolescenti.

Troppo spesso, i modelli di virilità che ci vengono offerte sono caratterizzate da un falso concetto di forza. Per tornare al Presidente e la sua situazione attuale, circondato com'è da progressisti a sinistra e fanatici accecati dal loro rettitudine sulla destra, tutti nipping alle calcagna e manifestazioni di resistenza che richiedono buone intenzioni. Non riescono a capire che le qualità di vera forza non sono inflessibilità intellettuale ed eruzioni cutanee, l'azione temeraria (l'ex presidente ei suoi abilitanti vengono inevitabilmente in mente), ma la maturità di un passo indietro e prendere la vista più lunga, la saggezza di ascoltare e, quando necessario, cambiare. Anche a piegarsi. Anche questo è forza. Non hanno imparato l'antica lezione di quercia e la canna .

Le qualità di virilità, a mio avviso, sono le seguenti: l'integrità, il senso della missione, una devozione al servizio. Noi sappiamo come insegnare queste qualità. Lo facciamo con i nostri militari in campo di addestramento (anche le donne, in questi giorni, naturalmente, ma sono preoccupato qui con gli uomini.) Mentre io non sono un fan del militarismo in qualsiasi forma, io concedo che in maggior parte dei casi, anche questa forma grossolana di apertura in grado di produrre mirabili uomini-uomini che hanno non solo la forza e le capacità, ma un senso di scopo più grande di loro. Le nostre forze armate sono degni di rispetto che ricevono. Cosa trasforma i ragazzi agli uomini è questo tipo di ritualizzata iniziazione, un processo che è significativamente privo di sviluppo del giovane che ha interpretato in "fanciullezza", come lo è la maggior parte di noi oggi. Di me, se devo essere onesto, devo riconoscere che ho raggiunto un certo grado di virilità solo nei miei anni cinquanta. Per genuina iniziazione nella nostra cultura abbiamo sostituito tali riti tiepide le conferme cristiani e mitvahs bar.

Non fanno il trucco. Nelle culture tradizionali, il passaggio è stato un viaggio molto più pericoloso, coinvolgendo vera e propria minaccia per la vita e l'incolumità fisica, come i ragazzi sono stati inviati in deserto o nella giungla a temperare la vulnerabilità e timore della fanciullezza in acciaio che avrebbero bisogno di funzionare come un uomo. Siamo nel mondo occidentale moderno non abbiamo animali selvatici da affrontare, a meno che non si contano quelli all'interno. Ci dimentichiamo che questi sono abbastanza potenti per governare la nostra vita se non impariamo a riconoscere e affrontare. Il mito precoce di iniziazione per noi è la prova della apprendista cavaliere, che cavalca nella foresta alla prova il suo coraggio contro il-cavaliere o scuro il drago e dichiarazioni predisposte a servire la sua regina.

Che cosa è l'integrità? In termini semplici, è la forza di dire senza paura esattamente quello che voglio dire, e fare esattamente quello che dico. Il che implica, naturalmente, una visione chiara su chi sono e cosa mi viene data di fare. Se io sono in dubbio o perplessità, mi manca determinazione. I dithering. La risposta non sta nel negare dubbio e confusione, sono una parte dell'essere umano. Nessuno sfugge loro. In essi negando io rischio l'azione precipitosa e futile, quando quello che mi serve in primo luogo è quello di consultare la saggezza interiore che ho lottato con me stesso per trovare, e riscoprire la chiarezza prima di agire. Un uomo di integrità è un uomo che "ha il suo agire insieme", nel senso che le sue azioni sono in piena congruenza con le sue parole. Egli ha "integrato" i quattro pilastri del suo essere: mente e corpo, sentimento e lo spirito, e sono correttamente in equilibrio. Azione che non è sostenuta da tutti e quattro di questi all'unisono-azione che manca di pensiero, o di cuore, o energia, o appositamente è inefficaci come il fallimento di agire a tutti.

Inseparabile dalla integrità di un uomo, allora, è la comprensione che ha lasciato alle spalle l'innocenza della fanciullezza, insieme con la libertà che l'accompagnava. Vive in un mondo di responsabilità verso gli altri e riconosce il suo dovere (sì, scusate, un concetto vecchio stile pittoresco!) Per servire gli altri che se stesso. Purtroppo, è vero che la maggior parte di noi non riescono a vivere fino a questo ideale. Ci guardiamo intorno, alla ricerca invano per la maggior parte per la nostra Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela la nostra, i nostri Martin Luther King-uomini che non erano certamente manca le carenze che li ha resi umani, ma che è riuscito a essere magnificamente maggiore di loro debolezze, e spettacolare, un servizio storico per gli altri esseri umani.

Non possiamo essere tutti uomini come questi, ma possiamo essere uomini. Senza la sfida di riti di iniziazione tradizionali, siamo tenuti a trovare, o inventare, il nostro viaggio da fanciullezza all'età adulta. Non è un compito facile per affrontare il buio ei demoni interiori che, senza la nostra consapevolezza, in grado di controllare i nostri destini. Tutti noi abbiamo bisogno di qualche forma di supporto, come facciamo quel viaggio: una chiesa, forse, una guida spirituale, un terapeuta esperto ... E il viaggio, per la maggior parte di noi, non è mai fine. Chi può sedersi sugli allori e dire con certezza: ho raggiunto la pienezza della mia virilità? Anche in, al massimo, il mio ultimo quarto qui tra i vivi, ho ancora lottare con la mia.

Quindi lasciamo il nostro giovane protagonista, in "fanciullezza", con il viaggio nel virilità ancora davanti a lui. Si potrebbe già essere stato iniziato al sesso e la droga, nella fatica del lavoro e ora, finalmente, il dormitorio del college, ma nessuno di questi ha aperto la porta al profondo reale, il lavoro, interiore egli dovrà fare se vuole diventato l'uomo ha bisogno di essere se vuole compiere il destino della sua vita. E che deve ancora venire ...

Guarda per prossimo romanzo di Peter Clothier sulla sessualità maschile, "il bastone del pellegrino" (un vecchio eufemismo per il pene.) E 'raccontata da due narratori, una figura pittore contemporaneo e 18 ° secolo e gentleman inglese. Scene di sesso Frank e potboiler eccitazione! Pietro è un NWTA 1994 avviare, un anziano attivo rituale di una volta, e scrittore d'arte ben noto. Il suo ultimo libro, "slow Looking: The Art of Guardando Art," esplora i valori di contemplazione e meditazione. Sentitevi liberi di scrivere lui a peter clothier@mac.com .

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La trasformazionale potere di riti quotidiani

Con Gonzalo Salinas

Secondo Charles Duhigg autore di The Power of Habit: Perché facciamo ciò che facciamo in vita e le imprese , circa il 40% di ciò che facciamo ogni giorno, lo facciamo inconsciamente. Abbiamo formato una abitudine che si tende a ripetere ogni giorno, e sta rendendo le nostre scelte per noi.

Quindi, pensare a tutte le cose che si fanno tutti i giorni. Alcuni di loro probabilmente non servono il vostro scopo più alto, ma ancora, li ripetono religiosamente ... neanche saperlo comportamenti specifici che si stanno mettendo via della realtà si vuole vivere. Duhigg spiega che ogni volta che si ripete quelle abitudini il cervello li rafforza ... così brama, più tardi, questa ripetizione. Anche se non è utile, si ottiene una ricompensa neuro-chimico nel cervello che non solo creare una sorta di dipendenza, ma rinforza anche l'identità che avete creato per voi stessi.

Ho provato molte volte a cambiare le cattive abitudini e crearne di nuovi. Con un cuore sincero devo confessare che ho fallito più volte di quanto ci sono riuscito. Ma ho notato qualcosa è accaduto ogni volta che mi è stato riuscendo; le nuove abitudini positive erano rituali quotidiani.

Sì. Io ho rituali. Ritual - ". Una serie di azioni o tipo di comportamento regolarmente e sempre seguiti da qualcuno" Ripeto certi rituali ogni giorno, e mi creda caro lettore del MKP Journal, per ripetere una azione ogni giorno, non è un compito facile, soprattutto quando sto cercando di creare un nuovo sé.

Vorrei condividere alcuni riti quotidiani sperando che questo possa ispirare l'azione per migliorare la vita.

Faccio il mio rituali prima cosa la mattina: mi sveglio e vado a correre. La parte corrente è semplice. Io già sono detto che non appena ho sentito la sveglia devo saltare fuori dal letto. All'inizio è stato difficile, ora è automatico. La mia raccomandazione è di evitare di trattare con QUALSIASI logistica - così il vostro abbigliamento sportivo deve essere pronto vicino al letto dalla notte precedente.

Alba

Un secondo rituale è: io porto nel mio portafoglio una pagina scritta a mano. Un lato della pagina è divisa in due: nella parte sinistra ho un paio di affermazioni: i miei difetti o debolezze a prendere coscienza di ciò che voglio cambiare, e sul lato destro le mie buone qualità e virtù per ricordare a me stesso gli strumenti che ho hanno per la mia crescita. Deliberatamente questo secondo elenco è più grande rispetto al primo. Dall'altro lato della carta che ho scritto una breve composizione su chi voglio essere. Ho incluso obiettivi e progetti e una descrizione di come mi vedo nei prossimi tre anni.

Ho letto questo articolo tre volte al giorno. Non appena mi sveglio, all'ora di pranzo, e prima di andare a dormire. Mi ci vogliono due minuti ogni lettura. Quando l'ho letto mi concentro di restare presente: solo leggendo.

Terzo: La mattina ho anche fare una breve visualizzazione ... a destra prima torno da correre mi fermo e visualizzo: Mi ci vuole 3-5 minuti. Visualizzo gli stessi tre gol che ho scritto sulla carta che porto nel mio portafoglio.

Infine, è il mio tempo gratitudine. Su un notebook ho avuto specificamente per gratitudine, giusto prima di andare a dormire, ho scritto tre cose che sono grato per quel giorno. Non importa se si tratta di semplice come "il ragazzo che ho visto avere un gelato a Lincoln Road a South Beach." Se mi sento di scrivere, io scrivo. Allora io dico una breve preghiera, e vado a dormire.

Questi quattro rituali hanno cambiato la mia vita   drammaticamente negli ultimi due anni. Sono stato al 100% in linea con loro? ... Assolutamente no. Ho usato per dare a me un senso di colpa, questo di solito mi ha portato ad abbandonare la mia pratica regolare per un po '. Se per qualche motivo mi mancano i miei rituali ora, invece della pena sé, ho solo porto avanti.

Questo è tutto. Solo un paio di cose prima di finire: Si può notare che i miei rituali sono molto semplici; sono semplici perché quando creo un piano complesso, trovo sto progettando di fallire. Avvio di piccole e andare avanti; si tratta di un grande esercizio di amore di sé.

E, infine, essere creativi con i vostri rituali! Alcune persone creano un schede di visione con immagini, altri fanno mantra o incantesimi, altri meditano o fanno esercizi di respirazione. I rituali diventano abitudini a causa della ripetizione, e la pratica quotidiana provoca trasformazione.

Ho più dai miei 2 anni di rituali che da tutta la mia vita precedente senza di loro. Usarli e poi mi dite!

Gonzalo foto

Gonzalo Salinas è un redattore di assistente per l'umanità progetto Journal, una pubblicazione del Progetto genere umano, un tutoraggio e formazione organizzazione no-profit che offre enormi opportunità per la crescita personale degli uomini, in ogni fase della vita. Salinas ha studiato letteratura a Lima, in Perù a San Marcos University e ha vissuto negli Stati Uniti dal 2003. Vive a Miami, FL. Salinas si è impegnata per il proprio sviluppo personale, e per diffondere la parola circa la visione e la missione del Progetto Mankind .

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Il tuo Distrazione Vortex - Scopo Block # 3

by Chris Kyle

Se vi siete persi lo speciale live Q & A chiamata il 15 aprile per il Man on Purpose corso e si desidera ascoltare l'audio, andare al Man on Purpose Corso sito web per ascoltare.

Durante l'ultima settimana, ho condiviso con voi i primi due blocchi principali finalità che sono:

Finalità Block # 1 = Fear Triade
Obiettivo Block # 2 = il Dubbio Voice

Ora è il momento di esplorare il terzo dei blocchi 3 Scopo. Scopo Block # 3 è il Vortex Distraction.

Nella nostra, cultura mediatica satura e guidato dalla tecnologia moderna che abbiamo una lista infinita di cose che possiamo fare nella nostra vita quotidiana per tenerci occupati e nostri programmi estremamente completa.

Le scelte quotidiane sono da capogiro ... spettacoli televisivi, libri, internet surf, sport, telefonate, porno, e-mail, i film, gli hobby - e avanti e avanti e avanti. E tutto questo è in aggiunta al nostro lavoro quotidiano (che paga le bollette si spera).

Tutte queste possibili attività costituiscono il Vortex distrazione: un pool di turbine di cose costante e apparentemente senza fine di fare ... che può succhiare tutto il nostro tempo prezioso.

Nessuna di queste attività, in sé e per sé, sono intrinsecamente "buona" o comunque, se stiamo spendendo molto del nostro tempo nel vortice Distraction "cattivo". - C'è una buona probabilità che siamo anche noi stessi distrae da quello che potrebbe vuole più nella nostra vita: connessione più profonda, una gioia più grande, più significato, e un senso più chiaro di scopo.

E perché il viaggio in questi stati può essere più sottile e poco chiaro, è francamente più semplice e probabilmente più rilassante per intorpidito-out o alla partenza con una distrazione succosa come uno show televisivo, una serie di video di YouTube, o un romanzo trash.

La sfida e domanda è: "Come faccio a navigare consapevolmente questo Distrazione Vortex, in modo che non succhiare tutto il mio tempo -? E invece libera il mio tempo per concentrarsi sul vivere più pienamente il mio scopo"

Qui ci sono tre passi da fare per aiutare a impostare si libera dalla Vortex distrazione.

1. Rallentare e osservare la vostra attività
Il primo passo è quello di usare qualunque immobilità pratica avete, come la meditazione o consapevolezza, per rallentare se stessi verso il basso ogni giorno (e se non ne avete uno, quindi avviare uno), e cominciare a osservare quello che tira la vostra attenzione verso ciò che si farebbe prendere in considerazione le distrazioni malsane.

Poi prendere in una settimana "pratica consapevolezza distrazione" di monitoraggio dove si stanno spendendo il vostro tempo in attività che considerate le distrazioni. Questo porta alla coscienza ciò che le attività si utilizza come distrazioni per non affrontare qualcosa di diverso nella tua vita.

2. Avviso Cosa stai evitando
The second step is to notice what you may be avoiding in your life that the distractions helps you not have to face. It is typically something you don't want to look at, and which makes you uncomfortable… something that you struggle with in your life.

Being more conscious of the activity, feeling or the energy that you're avoiding helps to burst the bubble on your distraction patterns. Now you have the awareness to make a new choice about whether to engage the specific distractions or not.

3. Recommit with Support
As you see more clearly how your particular distractions don't serve you, you can now recommit yourself to the actions and activities that truly support and serve you — your own growth and your purpose.

By declaring your commitment to the activities that feed your passions and purpose to another person close to you helps you stay accountable to not slipping back into the unhealthy distractions. This support is key to breaking out of the Distraction Vortex.

In the Man on Purpose Course, starting tomorrow (April 17, 2014), we spend two of the 7 weeks on looking at the patterns and habits that take us out of the fuller expression of our authentic power, creativity and purpose. This helps clear the way to bringing more energy and power to our purpose.

To your distraction-free purpose,
Chris

PS The Man on Purpose Course starts tomorrow, April 17th, and there's still time to register and lock in your seat in the course. Go here to register for the course. One man who took the course last year said:

“The course opened me up to the desire and passion to start living as a man who lives to be more of service in all aspects of life. Not “what is my purpose?” but rather how to LIVE with purpose!” — Edward Werger

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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Curious about Why you are Here? Special Q&A Call!

Special Q&A Call Tonight & Important Announcement

We've received a lot of great questions over the last week around the topic of purpose and wanting to know more about our upcoming course — Man On Purpose: The Essential 7-Week Online Course for Men which starts on April 17th.

As I mentioned in my last post, George Daranyi and I will be hosting a special interactive Q&A call tonight – Tuesday April 15th. We will be answering some of the most frequently asked questions about the course, and also about how you can access your hidden power to activate your passions and purpose in the world.

If you have any lingering questions about the course, please join this special Q&A call TONIGHT, MARCH 15TH at 5:30 pm Pacific Time to get the answers you need.

===========================================

Here's how to access the Q&A Session with George and me:

TONIGHT at 5:30 pm Pacific / 8:30 pm Eastern / 12:30 am+1 UTC

To listen by webcast online, go to:

http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=54169320

To listen by phone dial:
Number: (425) 440-5100
Access code: 405934#

============================================

A number of men who have experienced the work with us were eager to share how it had improved and changed their lives:

“They showed me how I had been asleep for most of my life, and how I needed to “awaken” and take charge of my life, to take responsibility and be accountable for my actions. In the program, I received the tools to get back into integrity with my family, my friends, and mainly with myself… I learned that it in order to make a difference in this world, to live into my purpose, I first had to change myself.” — Joe A.

“Chris' approach helped me to see where I'm not showing up fully in my life and the shadows that were holding me back. His intuition and awareness guided me to confront these shadows and helped me stay present, even when it was uncomfortable. With Chris's help, I found my growing edge and learned how to take what I experienced in the sessions into my professional and social life, my intimate relations and most of all, my inner journey. By experiencing this place of “deep knowingness”, purpose and fierce love, I experienced the essence of my true nature.” — Tim C.

I also wanted to let you know that our 3-payment option ends this Friday. So if you're planning to register for the course and would benefit from the option of spreading the payments over three months, be sure to register by tomorrow to take advantage of this opportunity.

To learn more and register visit the course information page.

To living your purpose,
Chris Kyle & George Daranyi

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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What is your Doubting Voice keeping you from? – Purpose Block #2

If you missed the first post: here are the 3 Purpose Blocks:
The Fear Triad
The Doubting Voice
The Distraction Vortex

As we move further along our purpose journey path we're likely to run into the second purpose block: The Doubting Voice.

This Doubting Voice inside you might sound like this:

  • Do you really think you can live your purpose — what about making enough money for the family?
  • It sounds too risky to shift careers now… why would you want to do that?
  • Where will you get the support to take on this new project?
  • What happens if it doesn't work out?
  • Do you think you have the talent to write your book, it's really difficult…

Essentially, this inner voice is that part of our thought pattern that is negatively questioning everything we say or do.

And the problem is that when your Doubting Voice collides with your Calling, your unfolding purpose, then it wants to find all the ways to keep you from going to the “unknown edge” — to the places that you'll have to extend yourself, to risk, and to grow in likely uncomfortable ways.

The Doubting Voice's mission is to eliminate risk, keep things the “safe”, and to NOT be uncomfortable. This obviously puts you at odds with yourself at times, and why it is a core block to living your purpose.

So, how do we work with and neutralize our Doubting Voice?

I have found that the best way to work with the Doubting Voice is to make friends with it.

I know, easier said than done. But here's my process of be-friending, or said another way, integrating my inner Doubter.

Start with naming the Doubting Voice in you. You might call it: Doubting Dude, or Cantankerous Cathy, or simply Mr. Doubter. What this does is twofold:

Brings lightness and humor to that part of ourselves that is pretty heavy and a limiter to our full, authentic expression
Allows the witnessing part of yourself to arrive so you can see the bigger perspective beyond your fearful, doubting ego-mind thoughts/voices.

Then it's time to have a brief dialogue with your Doubter. It flows like this:

“Mr. Doubter, do you have some true wisdom for me that I should know about?” Here you're investigating for important information that might be in the doubting voice. A grain of truth that you feel may be important to the issue at hand. Listen to what comes back.

Then say to yourself: “Thank you for sharing. I don't need you at this time. I'm now going to make room for a choice that is for my highest good – my empowered choice.”

And now there is space for you to make a new choice toward your purpose, toward that which brings you more alive.

In the Man on Purpose Course , George Daranyi and I will speak on how to turn your negative inner voices (what we call Inner Bullies) into allies for your growth and expansion. So, I encourage you to let your Doubting Voice be the new fuel for your growth, for a deeper self-acceptance, that will bring more energy and clarity to your purpose work.

To your purpose adventure,
Chris

PS George and I are hosting a special live Q&A Call on Tuesday, April 15th at 5:30 pm PT / 8:30 pm ET to answer all your questions about the upcoming Man on Purpose Course , which starts on April 17th. Mark you calendars now and we'll be sending out Access Details on Monday. Go here to learn more and register for the course.

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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What stops you from claiming or more fully living your purpose?

The challenge I see constantly with people who want clarity of purpose, or want to bring more energy or focus to it, is that there's at least one BIG block   (if not several) in their life that's keeping them from being fully engaged and lit up by their purpose.

I'd like to share with you the top 3 Purpose Blocks   that I've discovered through the purpose work I've done with hundreds of people over the years; and then how to move through these blocks. Today I'll focus on Purpose Block #1.

Here are the 3 Purpose Blocks:

  1. The Fear Triad
  2. The Doubting Voice
  3. The Distraction Vortex

Purpose Block #1 is the Fear Triad . I have consistently found three specific fears that people face when diving into discovering their purpose, OR when they are trying to put the vision of their purpose into action in the world. The three core purpose fears are:

  • Fear of Survival (mostly financial)
  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Ridicule

The survival instinct is deeply rooted in our old brain, the reptilian brain, and is now, in our modern culture, mostly connected with our financial resources.

So the Fear of Survival   unfolds like this: If you choose to go after your purpose, living it fully, then it may drain ALL your resources and/or not be sustainable in the future, and you won't “make it” — you won't survive. You won't be able to pay the bills and feed your family. So, it's just easier to avoid the question about purpose altogether than to face the possibility that you might not survive by living the “fantasy” of your purpose.

The Fear of Failure inside our purpose exploration can become more pronounced because the call of our purpose may stretch us into unknown areas, or test us with new approaches or concepts.

It may unfold like this: If you go for what you really want, your purpose, and fail; then you've failed on the really BIG one in life — living your purpose.” This would not just be failing on a project or a task, but may have the sense of a “whole-person failure” — the message being: “I am a failure in my life.”
The Fear of Ridicule unfolds like this: if your purpose is calling you to do something different in your life, to take on a new vision for your life with a new set of actions, you may find yourself misunderstood by family, friends, colleagues and maybe even your partner.

This exposes you to people's reactions, their own fear and their ridicule. The fear may arise that you'll be laughed, belittled or rejected because your ideas seem non-conventional or simply strange to others.
So, here is the 3-step flow of how to work with these natural fears in the Fear Triad:

> Awareness of the Fear
Notice and acknowledge the fear. It is important to pause yourself and take a deeper look inside at what these fears are for you. Name them in your OWN way and in your words. Bringing them out of the shadow and into the light of your conscious mind is the first step.

> Allow and Embrace
Once you are aware of your unique flavor of the fear, then you're ready to embrace this fear as simply a part of you and a mechanism that your ego-mind uses to keep you safe.

This means accepting the fear with self-compassion and seeing it as a natural part of your growth and evolution as a human being. It's important for you to watch your tendency to push the fear away, to deny it or pretend it's not there.

> Open to a New Choice
As you allow and embrace your fear, it begins to lose its hold and power over you. It may still be there, but it's been seen, named and embraced. So, now it's time to make a new choice that supports your highest growth and calling in the moment.

What you thought was just not possible before because of one of these fears, now may seem possible. Make a NEW choice that serves you and your passionate, creative expression.

In the Man on Purpose 7-Week Online Course we teach you a powerful tool called the Reframing Process that will help you reframe your fear messages and shift them to new possibilities and new choices.
Go to our course information page to learn more.

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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Wake up call

Category: Memoir

by Gonzalo Salinas

Every morning after my run on the beach and my morning rituals, as I drive to work, I see the kids from the South Beach Elementary crossing the street, I see the cuban windows full of people buying their morning cafe cubano , I see the many yoga fans carrying their mat to their morning practice and I see the magic atmosphere of the beach waking up and starting the day.

I cross the MacArthur causeway admiring the breathtaking view, with the Miami skyline and the port of Miami on one side and the mansions in front of the ocean and the Miami bay on the other one. I take the I95, my usual shortcut to the roads in Coral Way to get to my office.

I'm grateful for all the things I get to see every morning. Perché? Because everything I get to see every day is a blessing. I know it firsthand…

south beach

When I was a kid, I absolutely loved to play. I was always organizing the games. I remember always playing with my older brothers, with my friends or my cousins. Inventing games, running, jumping, screaming … one of my favorites was playing soccer with a paper ball covered in duct tape. I was always busy being a kid.

Sometimes at school, the bell rang earlier than usual. I was very happy because I had the chance to go home and play, but, at that young age, I wasn't aware of how dangerous the reason was of why they were sending us home hours before the end of the school day.

My grade school was threatened by the terrorist movements of Shining Path or the Tupac Amaru Revolutionary Movement. Both terrorist groups that had taken my city, Lima, and were destroying everything they touched. When they threatened the school, the only solution was sending everyone home for the day. Most of the time, these were false alarms, somebody calling for no reason, but in the rest of the city, you couldn't go to a cafe or a restaurant because the terrorist were bombing the commercial areas, public offices, banks, private companies and every public place you could possibly imagine, spreading chaos and terror all over Lima and the rest of the country.

I grew up on that environment, without being aware of the constant risk that was just walking on the streets of my city. In 12 years of horror from 1980 to 1992, the result was approximately 70 thousand people killed. Fortunately the Peruvian government was able to bring the terror to an end.

There are many places in the world right now, like Pakistan, Iraq or Somalia where terrorism is part of the daily life. I feel so blessed to live where I live now. And I am awake – awake to the reality that not everyone experiences the world I live in. And I am also responsible for staying awake.

So every morning, I am grateful for what I see on my way to work. Gratitude, for me, is the opposite of fear. Be grateful for what you have and send your positive energies or say a prayer for those places where terror is the reality. I pray for a world where all the kids can go to the streets, and play.

Gonzalo photo

Gonzalo Salinas is an Assistant Editor for the ManKind Project Journal, a publication of the ManKind Project, a nonprofit mentoring and training organization offering powerful opportunities for men's personal growth at any stage of life. Salinas studied Literature in Lima, Peru at San Marcos University, and has been living in the United States since 2003. He lives in Miami, FL. Salinas is committed to his own personal development, and to spreading the word about the vision and mission of the Mankind Project .

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Lighting the Darkness – Lumos

Guest Post

New Warrior Brother Michael Marlin from Hawaii will enlighten audiences with his stage production of LUMA: Art in Darkness during a ten-city tour at performing art centers across the country beginning March 28th.

A top comedy juggler who played Las Vegas and opened for the likes of Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, George Carlin, and REM, Marlin walked away from his successful solo career in 1986. He sold his house in Redondo Beach, CA and moved to the island of Hawaii to co-found an alternative community while building and living in a tree house with no electricity.

In 1989 while standing on an active lava flow he noticed the hypnotic effect it had on people and had the epiphany, “All life is drawn to light.”

This was the genesis of LUMA, a show that has now appeared in 15 countries, 44 states and has been touring since 1998. LUMA, with a cast of seven, is a show about the subject of light that combines all manner of physical disciplines from rhythmic gymnastics, puppetry, magic, dance, acrobatics, physics and experimental methods.

Fused with a myriad of light technology from incandescent to bioluminescent, from LEDs to lasers, the tour will take it from Arizona to Massachusetts over a five-week period.

“Three years ago Marlin came to Houston and opened with his juggling act,” Sonny Elliot, a ManKind Project ritual elder recalls, “[LUMA] was a brilliant and over-the-top performance. With the 'visual' music and 'technical' dancing, along with the crowd's enthusiasm, it was a home run.”

In manifesting his vision of LUMA, Marlin encountered a lot of skepticism. He has stayed true to his brainchild, expanding the show and building on new technology as it has evolved, watching as other artists have recently flirted with some of the theatrical light elements he has pioneered, popularizing it on shows like “America's Got Talent”.

Marlin has long been a pioneer and visionary. His work in the field of comedy and juggling back in the 70's and early 80's influenced a generation of jugglers who followed. Barry Friedman from the ManKind Project in Northern California and half of the juggling duo “The Raspini Brothers”, reports, “I remember standing in our family kitchen when I was 18 years old and seeing Michael Marlin on a TV show called Real People.”

“It showed me a bigger picture of what was possible if I stuck with juggling: the possibility of having fun and making people laugh. Marlin has continued to raise the bar both artistically and professionally. His show LUMA has brilliantly merged the visual appeal of juggling with the mind-boggling technology of electronically controlled lighting.”

COME SEE LUMOS

Come see LUMOS this spring.

“The journey to take a vision bigger than one person can pull off and turn it into a physical manifestation with so many moving parts was daunting,” says Marlin. “The work I have done in the ManKind Project has helped me in an incalculable way in my ability to lead others in a clean way and not pull my hair out, (or theirs) when things don't go as planned.”

“I have no doubt that the ripples Marlin is making in the lives of both his audiences and the members of his cast will spread out and touch millions of lives,” said Friedman.

Ticket information and videos of LUMA can be found online at http://www.lumatheater.com .

Show Schedule:

March 26th Gilbert, AZ – Higley Center
April 4th Ft. Collins, CO – Lincoln Center
April 6th Santa Fe, NM – Lensic Theater
April 7th Las Vegas, NM – University of New Mexico Highland Center
April 11th Chippewa Falls, WI – Heyde Center
April 12th Madison, WI – Barrymore Theater
April 13th Schaumberg, IL – Prairie Performing Arts Center
April 20/21st Roanoke, VA – Jefferson Center
April 27th Storrs, CT – University of Connecticut Jorgensen Center
April 29th Queens, NY – Queens College
May 2nd Worcester, MA – Hanover Theater

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Video: “The Revolution is Love” with Charles Eisenstein

shared by Chris Kyle

This powerful 4-minute video features Charles Eisenstein, author of Sacred Economics , from a documentary about the Occupy Movement. Charles will be a featured speaker at the ManKind Project USA's upcoming Power of Purpose Online Summit in March 2014 (more details are coming soon).

I love Charles' last line of this video clip: “…Everybody has a unique calling and it's really time to listen to that. That's what the future is going to be. It's time to get ready for it, and contribute to it, and help make it happen.”

Charles Eisenstein is a teacher, speaker, and writer focusing on themes of civilization, consciousness, money, and human cultural evolution. He is the author of 6 books includingSacred Economics, The Ascent of Humanity and The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible.

“Remember that self-doubt is as self-centered as self-inflation. Your obligation is to reach as deeply as you can and offer your unique and authentic gifts as bravely and beautifully as you're able.”
— Bill Plotkin, author of Soulcraft*

* Bill is also speaking at the Power of Purpose Summit in March.

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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My Elder Soul ~ a poem

Category: Men as Elders , Poetry

by Reuel Czach

Elders, we are losing our Soul.
We are so caught up individually in petty offenses
and bickering and wounded-ness,
that we are letting our civilization and our planet die.
But most importantly,
we are letting our souls die.

When I chose to be wounded,
and walk through life withdrawn in my cave,
or I choose to be over-armored,
to the point of being weighed down,
with such heavy baggage,
nothing else matters,
…..my soul is lost.

I chose to take a step toward claiming,
my lost soul,
when I chose to meet with men in an honest, open circle.

I choose my soul,
when I decide to be so humble,
that no one can offend me.

I choose my soul,
when I chose wisdom,
over being right.

I choose my soul,
when I chose service,
over selfishness.

I choose my soul,
when I chose looking within,
to find all the evil I see outside myself.

I choose my soul,
when I walk the path of life,
where I am nothing,
and I am everything,
in sacred balance.
My choices mean everything,
my offenses mean nothing.

My offenses mean I still have inner work to do
and for the sake of generations to come,
I better get it done as quickly as possible.

My choices mean I have the power to save myself,
my loved ones, my friends, and possibly many more people,
from a mean, selfishness and a lonely death.

I feel great sadness and sorrow,
for all that is being lost.

While the distractions of hurt,
wounded-ness and bickering,
suck so much energy out of my soul,
…..and the soul of my people.

Every hurt and wound and chance to be right,
is a mirror of my soul,
and an opportunity to heal.

Do it! Choose healing.
Then choose wisdom and kindness,
and be the Elder you were meant to be.

Distractions are my enemy,
anything that tries to pull me off,
my narrow mission.

I just need to let Spirit control my life,
where my spirit joins and serves,
a much bigger wisdom,
than I could ever fully understand.

I am asked this day to request of myself,
and men who call themselves Elders.
A humble request,
that we focus on the wisdom to light a path,
for those who come after us.
Humble man, Jan 2014

Reuel Czach

Reuel Czach is a 60 year old, Christian man with a wonderful wife and two sons, a daughter and a stepson. He has lived in San Luis Obispo County, California for over 30 years and practiced architecture for most of those years. Czach is an I-Group Coordinator for the Swallow Creek Coastal Circle in Cayucos. He actively supports and builds the Elder community in San Luis Obispo and is the Co-Elder Chair of the MKP Santa Barbara Community. Czach leads a weekly men's circle in my church and is a leader in the men's ministry.

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My Purpose Over My Relationship?

by Chris Kyle

I came across this quote from David Deida (author of Way of the Superior Man ) a couple of days ago:

“Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose. Just this self-knowledge often relieves much pressure a man feels to prioritize his relationship when, in fact, it is not his highest priority.”

I have to say right off the bat, that when I first read this quote I thought to myself… do I have to choose one OVER the other?

And then another part of me stood up (in my head, of course) and said “that's right, achieving my highest purpose would definitely rock!”

Clearly there's a conflict running inside me regarding how I prioritize living my purpose as a man, and where I place my relationship.

So, as I look at my own life to investigate this question of the priority of purpose, I do see that I am most alive, engaged and passionate when I'm doing what I love, giving my gifts and bringing my purpose forward to serve others.

And if I decided to choose my relationship OVER living fully into my purpose, I think a part of me would shrivel up. And I know that my power and confidence would be diminished in the world.

And at the end of the day, I don't want living my purpose to hurt or damage my relationship with my wife. I know that I can give my full presence and heart to my relationship without sacrificing my purpose.

But real juice and fire in our relationship comes from me making bold choices to follow my heart and gut, and give my gifts, my purpose with passion and without apology. And my wife finds this super sexy and is proud of me even during the times I am putting my purpose work above our relationship time.

The twist here is that in my experience living boldly into my purpose, with all the triumphs and failures that goes with that, my relationship thrives.

And of course, my purpose as I shared it above applies to my wife as well (she's a “being” too), and so I can be in my purpose through supporting her on her path of growth.

What I hear from many men that I work with is that they are trying so hard to make their relationship work or to please their partner so they can have a more harmonious and “easy” life.

The challenge of putting their relationship above the full expression of their purpose, is that it diminishes the energy, fire and confidence in themselves that could infuse the relationship with much needed passion or juiciness.

So here's how I have learned to hold this priority tension between relationship and purpose. I give my full presence, attention and heart to my relationship whenever we are together. I am not half-there or checked out because I'm thinking about work, or half-listening to her because my purpose work is invading my thoughts and it's THE PRIORITY.

Rather, when I'm engaged in my purpose work, I'm there fully and making that a priority in my life even if it means making some difficult choices about the time I spend with my wife.

I find that the natural balance arises when I am passionately engaged in my purpose AND I bring that juice and fire into my relationship with full presence and an open heart — regardless of how much time we have with each other (days or minutes).

And you know, I still reserve the right to make my relationship the focus of my purpose at any given time if it needs it and demands more of me for a period of time. How's that for a slick caveat — and it's been true at specific times in my life.

Keep working your purpose edge, bring full presence to each moment, keep your heart open and you'll see your life soar… in both your purpose AND your relationship.

CK

PS What do you think? Leave a comment!

Chris Kyle

Chris has trained and coached hundreds of individuals to achieve greater success in their businesses and their lives. In partnership with The ManKind Project® USA, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. He is also the co-creator, with Amy Ahlers, of the ongoing tele-series, New Man, New Woman, New Life.

In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. Chris graduated from Stanford University where he studied Political Science. He lives with his wife in Northern California.

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The World Needs More Elders

By Donald Clerc

What's the difference between being an Elder and being elderly? I never really thought about that question until joining the ManKind Project two years ago.

I'm 57, have three grown children, one young grandchild, and own my own business. So I've “been around the block” a few times and have learned a thing or two along the way. But no one had challenged me on what I can do with that experience and wisdom in this second half of my life.

What are the characteristics of an Elder? We all know of older people who do not behave in an Elder way. And we also know of younger people who already exhibit Elder-like qualities. Here's what I see are some of the qualities and behaviors of an Elder:

• Speaking the truth with authority and wisdom.
• Speaking with kindness and a fierce authenticity at the same time.
• Having a gracious and open heart.
• Standing for higher values and strong standards of behavior.
• Drawing the line against counterproductive behavior.
• Giving, serving, honoring and blessing others.
• Standing in responsible support of leaders.
• Knowing when all you need to do is be present and listen.

Old-People Being an Elder is not the same as being elderly. Just because you are older doesn't make you wise. And if you don't share that hard-won wisdom with others, then you are not benefiting society as an Elder.

Being an Elder is not the same as being a leader. The Elder looks out for the leaders and the lead alike. The Elder uses his wisdom and experience for the good of everyone. His honesty and values help the young to mature and help the already mature to stay in touch with their core values.

Many other societies honor their Elders. It seems like our materialistic society only honors those people (young or old) who buy things, make things, or do things. How does one get honored for being and sharing wisdom? Elders can help the younger generations focus on developing their core values and stop being overly focused on material things.

Where can today's Elders practice their craft? I grew up in a Presbyterian church, which is run by Elders by design. But outside of organized religion, schools and businesses, where else can Elders give of their gifts? If our communities can learn to utilize all of this elder wisdom in an organized way, everyone benefits.

What stops older people from stepping into the role of the Elder? The first obstacle to overcome is the assumption or lack of awareness that one is already an Elder simply because one has already experienced a half-century or more of life. The second obstacle is a lack of training on Elder-like behaviors. These behaviors are not difficult to learn – what most people need to learn are how to undo the negative habits that inhibit or cover their natural Elder qualities from coming out.

In conclusion, young people need more Elders in their lives. They grow up easier and with more maturity. I think it's time for older people need to step into their roles as Elders. This gives them a greater sense of fulfillment and contribution to society than continuing the consumerist behaviors of when they were younger.

What we still need are a way to train more people in the second half of their life to embrace their inner Elder. And we need to develop more avenues in society where Elders can give of their gifts to others.

Donald Clerc is a computer technologist and entrepreneur. He has over 30 years experience working with computers, and started his own computer consulting company 16 years ago. Before that he was an associate school psychologist. Donald is married (for over 35 years), has three grown children and one grandchild. He completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in 2011 and is a declared Elder in the Houston MKP Community.
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How we feel emotions in our Body

by Boysen Hodgson

from Discover Magazine

Research done by a group of scientists, recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reveals some interesting facts about how human beings experience emotions in their bodies. For men involved in the ManKind Project, it was a nice affirmation of what we've been teaching and practicing for nearly 30 years.

In the ManKind Project, we see and hear men struggle to describe or name what they're feeling. Mad? Sad? Glad? Afraid? Ashamed? They frequently have an easy time saying what they think, or making statements that express judgment about what is happening around them, but when asked to name the emotional state they're experiencing … many men are stumped. For most of us, this is a result of being raised in families and in a culture that doesn't teach or model emotional literacy.

To help men learn what they are feeling and be able to name it; without expectation of changing it or shame for feeling it, we teach men to look their bodies for clues.

“What sensations are you feeling?”
“Where are the sensations in your body?”
“What color (shape, size, texture) might it have?”
and finally …
“If you were to give it a name … mad, sad, glad, afraid, ashamed … what would you call it?”

This basic template for exploration begins to tease apart the stories and narratives in our minds from the raw physical experience we are having in our bodies. Often this is the first step in decoupling habits of reaction so that men can make changes in their behaviors and beliefs about themselves and the world.

Emotion – the felt sense, the hormonal and neurological chain-reaction set into motion by thoughts and experiences of the world – is one of the most powerful sources of information we can harness to improve ourselves and have a positive impact on the world. Many of us create habits of denial, repression, and avoidance of our emotions that have wide ranging personal, interpersonal, and cultural impacts in our communities.

This is a great time to bear witness to the cultural awakening that is underway.

Men's Work – the difficult and fantastic process of waking up, growing up, and showing up in the world for the benefit of humanity – is main-stream. As soon as this article was published, ManKind Project men from around the world were sharing it with quips about printing it out as a quick reference guide for men beginning the exhilarating process of connecting 'head' and 'heart.'

Here is the link to the article:
How we feel emotions in our body

Boysen Hodgson

Boysen Hodgson is the Communications and Marketing Director for the ManKind Project USA, a nonprofit mentoring and training organization that offers powerful opportunities for men's personal growth at any stage of life. Boysen received his BA with Honors from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, after completing 2 years of Design coursework at Cornell University. He has been helping companies and individuals design the change they wish to see in the world for 15 years. He's a dedicated husband.

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