它就在那里。我的整个生活中，我总是渴望父亲的祝福。 And to give the blessing, he needed to show up.
In October 2003 I didn't know that what I wanted was my father's blessing. I was feeling the same familiar feelings of disappointment, anger, and frustration that I felt many times towards him. My life in Peru was about to come to an end. I was about to start a new life in a new country where I couldn't speak a word of the language. I was longing for something from him … waiting for him to come and save me.
He arrived at 6:30 pm. 我气坏了。 I wanted to scream at him and blame him for whatever unpleasant things were happening in my life.
He came pretending like nothing was wrong … and I screamed,
“Dad, I had to be at the airport at 5!!!”
He reacted like he usually did; serene, almost as if he wasn't involved.
He said, “I'm sorry.”
I've heard that I'm sorry so many times.
We went to the airport. As soon as we arrived, my brother, who was waiting there, told me that the flight was delayed two hours …
Four other friends were at the airport to say goodbye. A friend of mine brought me chocolates made by his mom, another friend asked me if I had some soles (the Peruvian currency) “You won't need it in the US” he said. Despite my anger, I gave him like thirty bucks in Peruvian soles.
Everyone was pretending that this was another get together, the usual frivolous conversation; girls, soccer, cars.
I was begging deep inside for my father to call me aside … to say something meaningful.
Boarding begins. I start saying goodbye to my friends and family. At the time I thought I was leaving for only two or three years. It's now ten years without seeing my father. I saved the last goodbye for Him, (Him with capital H). It was very simple goodbye. A brief hug and a kiss on my forehead.
“Behave,” he said.
Throughout the years I have carried a lot of resentment towards my father. I blamed him for many things. I've always thought about how he could do better on this or that area. It's been ten years. Now, after my New Warrior Training Adventure, and ongoing work in my men's I-group, I notice that I didn't have to look at my father, but at myself.
Looking back, I see that he did the best he could with what he had, from where he was. If he didn't do better, it was simply because he didn't know any better. Maybe he was also craving the blessing of his father. Men's work, for me, has included learning to forgive. Forgiveness for my father. Forgiveness for myself. I didn't know what I needed, and I didn't know how to ask for it. He didn't know how to give what I could never ask for, the blessing of a Father.
Only after I forgave, I accomplished something that I thought it was impossible: I have learned to love my father. Just saying it give me a sense of freedom: I love my Father. Yes, I love Him and I can't wait to see him again. To look into his eyes and hug him. Not only as the man who gave me life, but as my brother warrior that he is, doing the best he can with what he is given.
正如人们所说的......必要性往往是发明之母。小艾伦认为他解决了问题，然后这一切开始摇摇欲坠。 In some new ways, it still is. But the slippery slope from 'I've got this all figured out,' to 'What the heck is going on!?' 发生在不同的方式对不同的人。在艾伦的情况下，帮助他在清晰的时刻，给人们带来的到达'真语音系统。“
I spoke with Alan in August about his system, and took a few hours to walk through the True Voice Process work-book. 我很高兴我做到了。再过几个小时我添加新的语言和一些新的工具，以我个人的成长工具盒，来到了约我看重的是什么深深什么，我不会在我的生活忍受更清晰。
Alan completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in 2007.
百胜霍奇森是通信和营销总监为人类工程美国，一个非营利性的指导和培训机构，提供男士个人成长强大的机会，在人生的任何阶段。百胜获得了荣誉学士学位马萨诸塞大学阿默斯特分校，完成2年设计课程的在康奈尔大学之后。 He has been helping companies and individuals design the change they wish to see in the world for 15 years. 他是一个专用的丈夫。
那是一个疯狂的夜晚：他们打在旧金山的节日和搜索没有任何结果后，芽回到那里的乐队已经住上一晚酒店。 The manager opened the room that was supposedly empty and both found a somber scene: Bradley James Nowell was kneeling on the floor with half his body on the bed. 在床上是呕吐物和芽的水坑以为演唱会结束后布拉德已经得到喝醉了，甚至能够得到在睡前晕过去了。
当他们搬到了他，一个更严重的画面出现了。 Next to him were needles, a lighter, and a small bag with white powder. Bud brought his face to Nowell's chest, confirming that his heart was not beating. The police statement declared that Bradley James Nowell, 28 years old, died from a heroin overdose that stopped his heart. 他本来可以被保存，但没有人在场，以帮助他在孤独的酒店房间。
Two months after his death, the album they had been working on for the past year was released. 然后是成功的雪崩。几个月来，他们在Billboard摇滚排行榜中排名第一，他们做旋转在MTV，夺得金牌和多白金唱片，以及滚石杂志评为崇高的专辑是最好的1997年感谢状萨泰里阿安打，我得到了什么。
这是常见的人住在一起某种瘾，无论是硬性毒品，软性毒品，甚至是合法药物，如酒精和烟草。 The frenetic rhythm of our society has created other addictions as well, many not yet officially recognized; coffee, video-games, media, pornography.
Today, when debates are held in Uruguay (as well as in numerous state houses across the USA) to decide the legalization of marijuana, people on both sides are writing articles, granting interviews, and opining left and right on a subject that needs to be honestly faced in the entire western hemisphere. 如果参议院批准批准立法者的腔规律，乌拉圭将采取将作为拉丁美洲的例子的第一步。 Not so much to decide whether we are for or against the matter, but as a statement that actions are being taken on a cancer that is having a profound impact on our society. 毒品经济，因为在他的书中，指出莫伊塞斯奈姆“ 非法：如何走私，贩毒者和模仿者被劫持了全球经济 ，“从1990年翻了一番，2002年，不计算平行权力它创建，黑手党和成本的随后的犯罪对政府。
作为支持或反对同性恋非刑事化的“毒品战争”是一场战争的丢失之初，我们现在采取行动是必要的。 Many of us and our fellow beings live in a state where we need a substance to survive and “bear” life. 我们如何回到一个健康的平衡点？ Where is the emotional health of our society standing? 难道我们填写我们的精神空白与成瘾物质或强迫行为忘却现实？
Maybe it is time to consider that everyone has a personal responsibility in creating a healthy society. 它开始于我们自己的情感理智，这将导致一个集体的理智。我们可以为理智搜索在一起，或者我们可以继续运行。它将继续花费了我们。当某些物质或成瘾，使我们能够继续与我们的生活猛地变成现实，当我们有我们自己的个人版的布拉德利詹姆斯·诺埃尔的故事在我们的家庭。
Last week, I found an extraordinary article on SLATE by Jessica Olien, a writer and illustrator who lives in New York. The article is about a crucial topic in our society: Loneliness. Two days after I read it, Tim Ferris re-posted the link on his blog.
“In terms of human interactions, the number of people we know is not the best measure. In order to be socially satisfied, we don't need all that many people. According to Cacioppo the key is in the quality, not the quantity of those people. We just need several on whom we can depend and who depend on us in return.
As a culture we obsess over strategies to prevent obesity. We provide resources to help people quit smoking. But I have never had a doctor ask me how much meaningful social interaction I am getting. Even if a doctor did ask, it is not as though there is a prescription for meaningful social interaction.”
This is a very relevant topic for us as men. In the ManKind Project men's work we help men break out of damaging cycles of isolation. Our I-Group men's groups are places where men find a way out of isolation and into brotherhood.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Please help me in welcoming the newest Assistant Editor for the ManKind Project Journal. 欢迎GONZALO！感谢您服务！ ~ Boysen Hodgson, MKP USA Communications & Marketing Director
Victor became an officer of the Peruvian Navy. Fernando became an officer of the Peruvian Air Force. 当它来到我的时间来决定，并即将在利马读完高中，爸爸问我：
“What are you going to do with your life?”
He gave me a dry look, and said, “Do you want to be poor?” and then continued,
携带羞耻是我们真正是谁是我们的文化，文化的影子，这使我们我们不希望生活静物的缺陷。如果你周围的世界不接受你到底是谁，一个正常的反应将是摆脱那些人。 But what happens when the people who don't accept you are close friends or even family? 当你这么年轻，你听到的消息导致你觉得有什么深刻你错了更糟糕的是，会发生什么？
我们开始覆盖我们的生活与耻辱。 This is what happened to me.
Shame is a very real imaginary illness, which once encysted on your subconscious mind, it will affect every part of your self-image, and without a doubt will have repercussions in your life. 据罗伯特·格洛弗博士（本伟大的书没有更多的好好先生的作者），如果你不妨碍你回到你的内在自我的小问题的工作，那么你将不会传递到一个新的水平上你的发展，不管多么小，他们是。
Robert Bly, on his book Seven Sources of Shame, explains that we can “practice” living with shame, and at certain point we just tolerate shame in our lives: the consequences will be that we'll believe that we are not adequate to the society, and our interpretation is that our shames ARE ourselves, and not circumstances that we can let go out of our lives at any time.
After a few years since my father rejected my confession of wanting to become a writer, this is the panorama: He's now 67 and I'm 33. 我知道他爱我，我爱他。 And after a lot of men's work, I've build a routine like this:
根据不同的一天，我醒来，去瑜伽或在南海滩，佛罗里达州运行。 Then I open a book for my reading of the day, and right after I start my writing time, and then continue with my day. 我喜欢一切与写作生活：写，阅读，研究，去会议，作笔记，书籍介绍，文学杂志等，即使在亚马逊订购的书是一大乐趣。
And all of those activities are the activities of a writer.
That kid who covered his writing vocation in shame is dissolving, and after years of acceptance, working many jobs, learning many lessons and having done serious men's work. I'm excited that I'll be writing for the MKP Journal every week. 而令人高兴的是，我庆祝，我是一个作家。
i was sitting in a diner on colorado boulevard the other day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a friend (late 40s, a working mother of three), when a homeless man materialized next to us.
i say “materialized” because i had no awareness of him entering the restaurant (even though i was seated facing the door) and no awareness of him approaching our table. yet there he was. tall, thin, white, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and a filthy trucker's cap. looking about 50 going on 80. and he wanted money.
“do you have any spare ch-” was all i heard before tuning him out and looking away, making eye-contact with my friend across the table. i felt sure we were both thinking the same thing. “oh boy. here we go.”
before i could launch into my “sorry, buddy” speech our waitress (late 40s, tiny) was standing at our table, telling this guy to take a hike. “you can't be in here / you shouldn't be bothering our customers / please leave” etc.
but he didn't leave.
instead he got into it with our waitress, pointing out the cross on her neck and gearing up for a dressing down on themes of christianity, charity, and the whole shebang. and our waitress was having none of it. “you can't be in here / you shouldn't be bothering our customers / please leave” she repeated, this time minus the “please.”
all the while i'm sitting there silently, wondering when it would be over, waiting for whoever was in charge to come over and handle things. i'm not sure who i was envisioning. probably the manager. who would be male. and older. and in charge.
he'd know what to do.
things are heating up now, the homeless guy and our waitress bristling, really starting to go at it, about 30 seconds from taking it to the next level. my friend across the table is very quiet. she, like me, is waiting for it to be over. for order to be restored.
and then, as i sit there witnessing two women in discomfort and a man in distress, it occurs to me – nobody's coming over. nobody's going to handle things.
i'm the man. i'm the one in charge.
and suddenly i'm rising from the table. i say, “let's go outside, buddy. i'll give you something outside.” and my tone of voice isn't “hey, asshole” or “listen here.” it's matterof-fact. like, “this is what's going to happen.”
and then the homeless guy and i are walking to the door together. and then we're through the door and out on the street. and then i open my wallet and hand him a 20- dollar bill.
and then he's holding me.
i don't know or remember exactly how that came to be, but all at once his arms are around me and i'm getting a full-body hug from a homeless person.
and this hug is textbook MKP. no awkward thumps. no tentative pats. no “let's keep our groins angled out of this, okay?” he's just holding me. and, after a beat, i'm holding him.
and this goes on for 20 seconds. 30秒。 he's talking into my shoulder too. i hear the words “veteran,” “oklahoma,” and “my birthday.” everything else is muffled. but i also hear “thank you, brother.” he says this three, maybe four times.
and as i watch someone walk past us and do a double-take, as i continue to inhale the scent of a man who's spent years (decades?) on the street, i think to myself, “yes. this is my brother.”
then it was over and i was waving good-bye. i went inside the restaurant and slid back into the booth, now smelling like the homeless guy. and i wanted to weep.
and while the waitress proceeded to call me “hero” and then scold me for putting myself in “danger,” i thought about masculinity and chivalry and the need to be seen and heard and how i'm a 40-year-old man (going on 41) who's still waiting for the guy in charge to show up.
i thought about how i would have handled the situation before starting my work with MKP six months ago, which probably would have looked like me not handling it. or like me handling it by making it worse. like me handling it by robbing another man of his dignity and the chance to connect.
and i thought about how we are all brothers. 我们所有的人。
then i looked up and noticed a man i knew from MKP, a man i'd seen just the night before while sitting in an i-group, seated with his wife across the restaurant, enjoying a nice breakfast.
brothers everywhere. all around.
出生于英国，在纽约布鲁克林，和普林斯顿大学的毕业生提出，温特沃斯·米勒是一个引人注目的和广受好评的年轻演员，其学分跨越两个电视专题片。 了解更多关于温特沃斯·米勒在IMDB 。 Miller is a member of the ManKind Project USA, Los Angeles Community.
The ManKind Project USA cycling team recently participated in our second RAGBRAI (Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa). 我们带来了40男人和女人来自全国各地的（和加拿大），以爱荷华州的车程。 Lance Armstrong came out to Iowa for a couple days of the ride, so we put out an invitation for Lance to come Check In! with us at the ManKind Project. And though the ride may be over – the invitation stands. We've got training opportunities and men's groups across the country ready for any man. Learn more … NewWarriorTraining.org
3。Because being the 'best man you can be' is easier with help.
The era of the lone cowboy is over. The planet can't take it, our families can't take it, our society can't take it. Isolation is literally killing us. Though not all of us will lose millions of dollars in sponsorships, or titles, or political offices, or careers – a man in isolation WILL lose what he values. What we hear over and over is stories of men losing themselves, losing their families, losing their ability to face themselves in the mirror without shame and anger, losing the ability to be with those they love without hiding.
That loss, shame, anger, grief, and hiding has profound impacts on the world. From families in silent crisis, to mass killings, to epidemic levels of obesity and suicide. The deeply personal emotional realities of our lives have direct links to the interpersonal, institutional, political, and cultural decisions we participate in.
What I heard you say, Mr. Armstrong, in your interview on Oprah, is that one of the most powerful motivating factors for your coming back into integrity was the pain of lying to your children. Those we love as men are hurt by our absence. And many men — and women — are truly leading lives 'of quiet desperation.'
The good news — and there is A LOT of good news — is that the culture is waking up to this reality, and men and women are taking action to do something about it. The ManKind Project is one such effort. We are committed to being there when men hear the call in their lives to WAKE UP and begin the difficult work of creating a new reality. When a man is ready to do whatever it takes to heal the parts of his soul that have been hidden away … we're there as a community to challenge and support him in that journey.
Lance Armstrong, you've proven again and again that you are capable of doing whatever it takes. You pretty obviously have gotten a wake up call. 下一步是什么？
2。Because there are more adventures waiting.
You have done some INCREDIBLE things. Beyond comprehension. I honor all that you've done.
And there are other kinds of adventures. You've been doing the exploration of human possibility as an athlete and cancer survivor, and you've done extremely well. If you're like every other man I've ever met, my guess is that there are some dark hallways and paths into the woods of your psyche that you've avoided on the road you've been traveling. As the old maps said 'beyond here, there be dragons.'
In the work we do with men at the ManKind Project, we offer an opportunity to take some of those dark paths and see what treasures lie within. Our Native American brothers call the work we do 'exploring inner space,' our hunting and tracking friends call it 'inner tracking.' There are many ways to describe what we do, and at the core it's about taking a hero's journey into your soul, and facing the ordeal that lurks there. It's different for each man, and universal.
It's about becoming fully human. We work with men because we know what it feels like to be in the skin of a man in 2013. We work with men because we are recreating the culture from the inside.
这是一个冒险！ Scary, challenging, ALIVE. We'd love to have you join us for the adventure.
1。Because it's a relief to take off the mask, if only for a little while.
Being a public figure is a game of masks. From scene to scene – the play is going, and whether you're winning the Tour de France, or getting in the car to go to work, most men learn to put on a 'game face.'
Along the way men learn what is ok to express and what isn't, what is ok to share, and what isn't. This is certainly true for women as well. Men are taught to hide weakness, vulnerability, pain, sadness, joy, tenderness … and more. Women are taught to hide their fierceness, anger, power, ambition, intensity … and more. Thankfully, for some this isn't as true today as it was in the past, but it's still the norm. Though we live in a culture that loves the illusion of heroes, celebrities and fame, we see over and over what the masks do to real people. Cory Monteith dies alone in a hotel room.
It starts early. Recently I was at the ice-cream stand with my wife. There was a little boy, probably three years old, running around, bouncing, laughing, enjoying himself. After a couple minutes he took a misstep and went down onto the asphalt with a thud. It wasn't a hard landing, but it shocked him. Before the surprise on his face had even begun to shift into the pain of the shock, his big sister swept him off the ground saying … 'You're a BIG MAN. BIG MAN. No crying. Be a BIG MAN.' His mother and father watched from the bench and reinforced the message … 'Ain't nothin', you're a BIG MAN.'
The boy wasn't hurt. But there was no acknowledgement of the fall. Not even a 15 second window to say … 'Wow. You fell! Hit the ground pretty hard, eh buddy? Kinda scary! That probably hurt some, huh?' And then to move on … having witnessed and acknowledged what happened. There is no reason to INDULGE the pain – but acknowledging it is healthy and demonstrates EMPATHY – one of the most important and life-enhancing taits a human being is born with — and tragically — trained out of.
We are taught to deny and repress our pain, and to punish those who express it. Even the pain of those we love most. I have met hundreds of men who punish themselves for not being able to shut off the pain of being alive. 这是一个恶性循环。 The denial leads to choices that hurt us all; fatherlessness, domestic violence, gang violence, mass killings, common disregard for others, for our health, for the health of our society, and the health and vitality of our planet.
Rather than co-creating a culture of empathy, we co-create a culture of sociopathy.
How would the world be different if boys and girls were taught healthy habits of empathy, acknowledgment and self-responsibility from the age of 1 or 2 instead of the instant and immediate denial and repression of the bumps, bruises, and pains that we all experience every day?
It may take different forms for men and women, but it's the same game. We teach each other to lie. And we punish each other for breaking the silent rules of the game.
And we all lose.
I know you care about people. I know you deeply care. You got trapped in a game, and made a choice that many of us make in small and large ways every day. 你撒了谎。 That doesn't make you bad. It tells me that you're well-trained.
And as a public figure … you've paid a heavy price. And your actions have impacted a lot of people. There's nothing we love more than a fallen-hero. On a subconscious level it gives us a glimpse of the game … the game of denial … and let's us keep it 'out there' at arms length rather than owning it for ourselves.
What if you (what if we all!?) had a safe place to start undoing the training? We don't have to over-indulge in the pain of our experiences, but it is essential that we learn to acknowledge and witness the pain of life, in ourselves and in each other.
Lance Armstrong – you're invited to come sit with us. And if you want to, you can take off the mask and set it aside for a while. I'm inviting you to come check in – I've offered three reasons, and there are lots more.
I know with certainty that I won't be catching up to you on a bike, but maybe there's another kind of journey I can ride with you on.
With respect and admiration – Boysen Hodgson 413-883-2462, Text me, call me, stop by.
PS。 The day the Lance Armstrong interview aired on Oprah, January 17, over 100 supporters of the ManKind Project were in Chicago in the audience for the filming of Oprah's Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant on “Fatherless Sons,” parts I and II. “Fatherless Sons – the Reaction” aired two weeks ago. Men from the ManKind Project were there again. These are Oprah's highest rated Lifeclass shows ever.
百胜霍奇森是通信和营销总监为人类工程美国，一个非营利性的指导和培训机构，提供男士个人成长强大的机会，在人生的任何阶段。百胜获得了荣誉学士学位马萨诸塞大学阿默斯特分校，完成2年设计课程的在康奈尔大学之后。 He has been helping companies and individuals design the change they wish to see in the world for 15 years. 他是一个专用的丈夫。
When I was a kid, I can't tell you how many times I heard phrases like these: “just suck it up, Kyle”; “don't cry – the strongest don't cry”; “what are you, a pussy?”; “don't get too excited”; “tone it down…”; “I don't want to hear how you feel about it, just do it”; and “don't get angry with me young man.” These came from my friends, my teachers, my coaches, and my family too.
I know many men who can relate to these words and far worse including a lot more swearing — “f*cking” this and “goddamn” that.
As a boy and then a young man I was told constantly to stay in a zone of feeling and behavior that essentially felt like being a block of granite — solid, unmoving, rational, toned-down, and generally unfeeling. Sharing my feelings, my deep fears, expressing sadness, crying were all seen as weakness for a young, maturing man.
What I came to believe was: Vulnerability = Weakness
I recall one key event in my early teens when some friends at school were instigating a fight between me and a kid named Evan. I didn't want to fight him, but it somehow became a matter of honor, or an issue of shame, if I DIDN'T fight him.
I remember facing Evan, with a small crowd circled around us, and thinking “why am I here”. I literally couldn't remember what we fought about or what was the issue that had us squaring off against each other with fists raised. We finally dove into it, trading a few punches, and then found ourselves wrestling on the ground. He got me in a head-lock and all I could do was say 'uncle' — to tap out. I'd lost the fight.
As I stood up, facing the others gathered around, I could feel the shame welling up in me, and the tears started to come. And of course, you know what's coming… one of the boys says to me: “f*ck Kyle, are you crying?” It was said with such disdain and disbelief. I dropped into a deeper level of shame for having these feelings and showing the tears. This moment shut me down and locked me out from my tears, and slammed the door on my vulnerability.
Our culture continues to indoctrinate boys and men in this way — through old socializing patterns that are deeply ingrained in our cultural DNA. It's this: Be tough, don't cry, don't share your fear, win at all costs, prove you're a man.
And yet, now what I'm seeing are adult men who are willing to work on themselves and take a deep look at these beliefs and patterns. They are consciously unwinding this shame and belief of 'vulnerability is weakness', and bringing a new understanding and self-compassion to their childhood wounds and traumas.
This truth-telling about myself and the willingness to be more open, transparent, revealing… to be more vulnerable, is freeing and empowering. Now the vulnerability starts to look and feel different. It becomes a hidden source of power for me.
And what vulnerability is at it's core is allowing ourselves to really be SEEN, warts and all, so we can feel more connected. The researcher and author, Brene Brown, says that it's this vulnerability that helps heal our shame and opens us up to deeper connection and a greater sense of worthiness.
So as I investigated deeper into masculine vulnerability, I became aware of what I call the 3 Hidden Powers of Vulnerability.
1。Vulnerability opens us to an increased capacity for Courage Being vulnerable, sharing more of myself, taking the risk to say with needs to be said, to speak the truth in my heart — all of it takes courage. As we practice being more vulnerable (open, transparent, being seen) then we foster a new level of courage that we can apply in many areas of our lives. This courage-building also garners respect and appreciation from others. And it builds a resilience in us to face the many challenges that life will bring.
2。Being vulnerable brings forth greater Compassion for ourselves and others When we are vulnerable, when we truly open ourselves to be seen by others, we are sharing more parts of ourselves with the world. And in that awareness of the hurt, raw or broken parts of ourselves we are able to see our own humanity and have greater compassion for ourselves. As this capacity builds inside us we have more empathy and compassion for others. This growing power of compassion provides us with a greater ability to accept and let go of beliefs and judgements that don't serve us. More presence and peace is found in this compassion.
3。Vulnerability creates deeper, more authentic Connections What I see as the greatest gift of vulnerability is the ability to actively cultivate deeper, more real connections with everyone in my life. When we practice being more open and vulnerable we are able to pierce the veil of shame and fear and experience deeper connection and relatedness. More honest dialog emerges, more healing between friends and loved ones occur. And this is counter-intuitive to our minds — where we equate vulnerability with fear, hurt and weakness. When in fact it creates more support, more freedom, more joy, more release and more appreciation. These authentic connections serve our success and happiness in every area of life — relationships, work, parenting, community and well-being.
So, I invite you to choose more opportunities to share yourself, to express your fears, to let your tears be seen. Cultivate this openness, this vulnerability and watch these hidden powers blossom and grow so that they infuse your life with more meaning, passion and care for yourself and others.
克里斯培训和辅导数百人实现他们的业务和他们的生活更大的成功。 In partnership with The ManKind Project®, he recently created The Power of Purpose Summit and the Man On Purpose online course. 他也是共同创作，与艾米阿勒斯，正在进行的远程系列，新人，新女性，新生活。
克里斯是前首席开发官兼首席营销官进化智慧有限责任公司，产生虚拟的课程，在个人发展的舞台灯具领先的在线学习公司。在不断发展的，他的智慧共同开发的进化人远程峰会主持人克雷格·汉密尔顿之路。 Chris was an invited speaker for The Shift Network's Ultimate Men's Summit in 2011.
In addition to his leadership development work, Chris has spent over 24 years as an executive, entrepreneur, consultant and business coach, working in Fortune 500 companies and owning his own eco-adventure travel company. 克里斯从斯坦福大学毕业，在那里他学习政治学。 He lives with his wife in Northern California.
To All My MKP Brothers, Especially The Straight Ones
I had a tooth brush in my mouth and was contemplating sleep when my overnight guest, a straight man, said to me, “I have a real problem with gay men.”
As a gay man, hearing this statement from a guest in my own home was not exactly comforting. Was this the beginning of an ugly conflict? What hard words might come out next?
I should back up.
Eight years ago, Minnesota MKP produced the familiar BSDT (Basic Staff Development Training) weekend training. Locals and out-of-staters showed up to sit around the metaphorical campfire and discuss our New Warrior Training Adventure weekend and the raw guts of who we are as men. Those of us with spare rooms offered weekend housing. I agreed to host a fellow Minnesotan named Joe who lived outside the twin cities area.
Over multiple staffings, Joe and I gradually grew a guarded respect for each other. We liked each other well enough but he kept me at a distance and I respected it. (I love that I no longer have to be friends with every single man and fake pleasantries. We can respect each other's manhood and simply not hang out.) Between assigned processes and wandering around camp, Joe and I would nod affably when our paths crossed.
But after a few staffings where we collaborated well, Joe and I decided to expand on our mutual trust by stepping out together on the carpet to help facilitate some emotional work.
You know what that means.
You don't step out on the carpet with a man unless you trust that man has your back. Doesn't matter if it's his first staffing or thirtieth – it's not always about experience. It's about the man. You don't step out unless can you look that man in the eyes and communicate, 'Together, we can handle this. We can go there.'
It's an unusual honor we initiated men are blessed to share during this lifetime, the ability to look a man in the eyes and silently agree, 'Together, we can go there.'
After Friday night's BSDT training, Joe volunteered to stay at my house. I set him up in his guest bedroom, gave him towels and offered up the contents of my fridge. Host stuff. We were tired and Saturday promised to be a long day. I was brushing my teeth and I think I was simultaneously watering plants because I never just brush my teeth. I multitask. As we said our goodnights, I still had my tooth brush dangling from my mouth.
Joe stood up from the living room couch and asked me to wait, please wait. He was quiet for a moment, uncomfortable.
Finally, he said, “I have a real problem with gay men.”
An older version of me would have already knifed an angry retort. But New Warriors frequently smash into each other at that amazing intersection of testosterone and vulnerability and we often come out better for the collision. So, I waited. Joe continued to speak.
He said, “I would like to understand more about this. I think you're the man to help me.”
We looked each other in the eyes and silently communicated, 'Together, we can go there.”