浪子的父亲，任性的儿子 - 一本由山姆 - 吉福德热衷
从野人的巢穴若干年前，现在，我跳舞的树枝，挥舞山贼的淫秽带。 我们的名字一般硬件下进行，并跳舞边境莫里斯，一个古老的英国/威尔士人的民间舞蹈用棍棒。 还有的是，睁开眼睛一看，这是一个特定的事件...
获取幸运与挂钩最多 - 客户后
由迈克尔·Russer，转载来自好男人项目许可这也是为什么今天的“挂钩”千禧可能是我们最好的希望却为实现真正亲密关系的转变。 - - - 当我是今天的男性千年岁的时候我想过一件事，当它来到妇女得到“幸运”。 这是...
本文节选（问候底部视频）从Masculinity-Movies.com许可，的Eivind Figenschau Skjellum 2014年已经有一年了巨大的变化和成长，我和大多数人，我知道和喜爱。 如果你是谁的人是诚实的对话与你的生活，我敢打赌，你有同样的经历。 ...
由Daveķ昨晚我带着我的家人看“圣诞颂歌”。 它已经成为我们的一个传统，实在是我们庆祝几个节日传统之一。 我已经看到了这个节目很多很多次，但是这一次打我特别辛苦。 几十年来，我是一个吝啬鬼当...
3-6-5 4-3-2-1 - 点火
由迈克·莫雷尔在我我烧毁心脏就像一个燃烧弹熔意识和感知第三只眼的萎缩器官闪烁的觉醒粗鲁五彩夜视仪看到的景点长制服开放。 骗子，神仙和妖怪发现自己吸引到男生踢了被子露出自己是男人没有道歉。 东西隐藏共享的秘密......
由斯蒂芬·文火煮 - MKP USA使命圈协调员我不读邮件，我对其进行扫描。 减缓和保持一个充分的思想目前的想法是非常困难的，很陌生。 如果你像我一样，你可能会注意到一个持久的声音，现在，告诉你...
照明的黑暗 - 荧光闪烁
晚餐 - 由温特沃斯·米勒
由百胜霍奇森[标题ID =“attachment_15063”ALIGN =“alignleft”WIDTH =“300”] RAGBRAI队MKP USA [/字幕]最近参加了我们的第二个RAGBRAI（注册年度大自行车骑跨爱荷华州）人类USA项目自行车队。 我们带来了40男人和女人来自全国各地（加拿大）以爱荷华州的车程。 阿姆斯特朗走了出来......
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你小声到你自己的心脏。 “行。 我厌倦了
在我们的中西部粮库储备。 更多的爱需要。 37000
更多的爱需要。 干净的水给孩子？ 更爱我。
我们靠着进风。 进入风暴。 进入黑暗
在九月份，第三本书在我的“失物招领王”系列，将蝴蝶王发表。 前提是在每本书一样：一个同性恋，中西部汽车修理工邀请另一个男人共度周末在一起。 他承诺“......如果你在每一个方式提交，我会帮你记住你的王权。 我会帮你记住这个人，你总是注定的。“
这是的NWTA周末私生子。 嗯，有点。 有绝对没有任何关系或在小说中提到的MKP。 没有一个虚构的组织巧妙地改名为“LKP。”不。 无交叉活动。 无。 汽车修理工叙述者依靠约瑟夫·坎贝尔和阳刚原型创造的经验，帮助每个人发现他的独特天赋。 结合童话故事，情绪操纵，以及人为对人的性健康瓢，这些书已经引起了注意为他们的创新一下男性的心理和可能性，所有的人都是国王。
我发现自己在一个奇怪的和困难的境地。 我想写有趣的人，有趣的生活。 这就是作家呢，我猜。 但是，如何敢膏状白色，中产阶级的人试图让颜色的人的头脑里？ 我不可能知道的偏见，他经历了成长和整个成年期的情况。 这是非常有可能我试图描绘同情遇到的居高临下，消息不灵通，而且光顾。 我担心这个。 这让我彻夜难眠。
现在，大部分的书籍写男人的爱好，男人写的异性恋女性。 我不是在开玩笑。 他们构成了最大的份额都是作家和读者的市场。 有些国家通过了一个人的名字为更好的接受或隐藏自己的身份，怕反弹。 大多数是开放的，他们的写作实力感到自豪。 事实上，男同性恋现在很难发表自己的故事，诚实，gayness战警爱好战警的故事，因为这样的女性主宰这个领域，他们的喜好已成为行业的传统。 男同性恋者必须符合这些行业标准，获得出版或被边缘化。
辩论出现了一年三次或三次以上的博客。 通过什么权利做女人介入并告诉男同性恋的故事？ 通过什么权利？ 他们没有经历过反对同性恋，同性恋的辱骂，地狱，他们甚至没有合适的垃圾。
究其原因让我着迷。 他们觉得叫。 因为故事是关于爱。 因为它不是写关于他们的已知世界，男女关系更有趣。 有些女性有同性恋的孩子，同性恋的朋友，同性恋车库机械师，他们希望让世界更安全，更接受。 无论他们的理由，他们不敢。
当人们MKP，我们不敢爱的男人从自己有什么不同？ 我们不加强不同颜色的我们舒适的皮肤外面的爱不同年龄的男人，？ 不要共和党有时摇篮民主党人，他们哭了失去的婚姻？ 君不见一些燕麦，嬉皮领袖爱一个年轻的企业拼命三郎，做一切力量来履行那个人的王位？ 我知道你有。
我深入研究这本书。 我读到有关从50年代到21世纪初的民族迁徙转向，距离纽约市。 我读了关于种族的书籍。 我读白作者试图写黑字的文章。 我读到盲点的主流文化，以及如何博客就出现在阴险的，排他的方式。 我很高兴我做了这项研究，但没有它给我写的权利。
我写的关于颜色的男人，因为我爱的色彩的人。 我曾在我的哭泣在他们的胳膊和他们。 我们告诉我们的悲惨的故事，觉得对方的阳刚愈合。 员工周末的时候，我们已经擦干了对方的汗水和泪水，回到了地毯，如果没有刷新，当然更坚固。 更愿意承担下一个悲伤的故事。
我记得有一个晚上很久以前，当我的I-组决定了我的工作，晚上是分享我出来的故事。 我耸耸肩。 虽然我一直在抱怨终身隔阂已经造成，我觉得这是不是真的有关。 发生在二十多年前。 正如我告诉经验告诉我的父母我是同性恋，两个直人在我的组哭了。 另一名男子说，“听我重复这个给你。”
当我听到从他口中我自己的故事来了，我哭了，因为我自己的故事-surprise，surprise-很伤心。 虽然他一再的一些细节问题，他听到和荣幸故事的精神。 显然，我听到它从别人承认的悲伤。
当我想到这个最新的小说，我敢肯定，我在几个地方搞砸了，因为我们大多数人一样，我有时他妈的当我试图一个大项目。 这是一个故事关于我的。 这里是另一个故事，我学会了用MKP工作：我也是光荣的，大胆的离谱，我从辐射我的指尖泡腾片，波光粼粼的爱当我输入的小说。 我要揭露多么华丽的力量，多么美丽的人都可以。
由斯蒂芬·文火煮- MKP USA使命圈协调员
我不读邮件，我对其进行扫描。 减缓和保持一个充分的思想目前的想法是非常困难的，很陌生。 如果你像我一样，你可能会注意到一个持久的声音，现在，告诉你赶紧通过这个电子邮件，抢了火煮正，存进含义银行以备将来使用点，并移动到下一个在收件箱中的电子邮件等。 如果你像我一样，现在你对自己说，“我知道了”，并在跨栏的短语和句子去下一段，看看是否有更需要抢。 如果你像我一样，你不读，你掠夺了必要的含义，如果你抢商店的一对夫妇的价值的东西。
当我想的更多的使命，在我里面有一个声音说强调，“我没有时间做了。”该输送带是太快了。 我需要工作，解雇了垃圾桶，挑着空调回车库，责令石庭院，拿起处方。 使命是什么？ 也许我可以安排一些世界改造周二我儿子的足球比赛和烧烤的汉堡之间。 如果我不能夹心它在那里，我会得到它下一个生命周期，或者后一个。 我的任务逐渐成为我的邻的任务，我离开了。
这是完全错误的。 我学会了对我的训练很多年前，一个使命宣言有一个愿景和行动。 动作：我认为这是对我无休止的待办事项列表中的其他任务。 但如果任务不是工作？ 如果它真的是一个存在？ 如果它是少做，有一个华丽的挑战？ 如果这意味着放缓，承诺完全存在于这个普通的，辉煌的时刻？ 如果任务意味着我承诺自己是一个人待荷兰国际集团，而不是一个人做的，荷兰国际集团？ 如果忙碌的烦躁是什么真正重要的规避的症状？
运动员谈论特殊时候，游戏就变慢了，也许使命是真的要放慢生活让瞬间成为重大的承诺。 这些流量是米哈伊Csikszentmihaly确定的时刻。 这珍贵的时刻与我校门外的儿子时，他悄悄地把我的手，我们走。 此遭遇与CVS店员。 这一走，我在雨中的狗，我们都死了，他大概数我前面的步骤，一路领先。 我开沟我的待办事项列表，并开始将要列表。 什么是惊人的对我来说，世界上只有一件事就行了：去开门，欢迎谁一直在等待的游客。
“啊！ 不要说你同意我的意见。 什么时候
MEN ...我们是谁，我们可以“T SEE
首先，虽然少年时代，这引起了这些想法。 我们终于看到这个美丽和感人肺腑的电影昨晚。 我喜欢12年的历程，这些技术过硬，承诺演员，打出来的从事虚构叙事，因为他们自己身体年龄虚构人物的情感发展。 我喜欢一个家庭有生命的失败和婚姻失败的现实，在金融危机中挣扎的故事本身的“真理”，酒精和毒品，兄弟姐妹的爱和争斗，学校的滥用和与同学的关系，少年时期的痛苦，等等。 一直以来，开始到结束，这个故事有说服力的“感觉”生命因为我们大多数人的体验。
而电影是真实的标题。 它是关于少年时代。 即使到了最后，年轻的男孩，梅森，他的生活中，我们一直在关注，从上小学到大学还没有出现完全进入成年。 最后一枪显示他，硬是高，在美丽的自然环境的群山和高的蘑菇喂他通过他的全新的大学室友。 有了一个可爱的年轻女子在他身边，他们坐不住了羞涩地并排而不是一些虚假的，过早的拥抱，他看着眼前忘我的景观仿佛变成未来充满了诱惑力。 但它是非常清楚，他仍然是一个男孩。 少年时代依然焕发他的脸; 他所有的承诺，没有完成。
这不应该使我们感到惊讶。 他没有车型真正的男子汉气概的，因为他的成长。 梅森的亲生父亲是一个迷人的流氓早年，无法接受婚姻，工作和家庭的责任。 随后的关系他的母亲的形式是与男人的男子气概是因为质疑他的父亲：平稳学术的不安全感，导致他醉酒暴政; 一名前军人的不成熟显露在他的迟钝和缺乏灵活性。 有一个值得注意的例外，一个摄影老师谁试图将我们的梅森超出了他的固执，谁环绕正在成长的孩子昏昏欲睡青春期，强大的，成熟的数字是女性。 男人只是长大了的小男孩。
这使我反思，超越电影的参数，在这个问题：什么是男子气概的特质？ 我们发现了什么，我认为作为一个真正的男人都太经常在我们当代世界。 我们对ungrown男人无处不包围：在醉鬼，施虐者的工作狂; 牧师和教师谁利用信任自己的立场，并发挥儿童的脆弱性; 恋人谁拿他们需要什么，拒绝责任; 谁没有脊椎执政和劝降太容易对那些谁也操纵他们的政治家; 持枪白痴谁坚持这样刺耳自己的“权利”，并迅速摒弃他人的权利; 体育英雄抽了违禁药物和假冒睾酮; 被宠坏的文化偶像，很多人并不比年轻人更多。
太多的时候，人性的，我们提供的车型的特点是力量的错误观念。 要返回到总统和他目前的困境，包围，因为他是好心进步的左侧和狂热分子被自己正直右侧蒙蔽，所有在咬他的脚后跟，并要求强度的显示。 他们不明白，真正的力量是素质不智僵化和皮疹，有勇无谋的行动（前总统和他的推动者来到必然在脑海中），但成熟后退一步，并采取长远的眼光，智慧，倾听，当必要时，发生变化。 甚至弯曲。 这也就是力量。 他们还没有学会古教训的橡树和芦苇 。
男子气概的特质，在我看来，是这些：诚信，使命感，一个奉献的服务。 我们知道如何教这些特质。 我们与我们的军人在新兵训练营做（女人也一样，这些天，当然，但我担心这里的人。）虽然我不是军国主义的任何形式的球迷，我会承认，在大多数情况下，甚至萌生这种粗鲁的形式可以产生令人钦佩的男人，男人谁不仅实力和技能，但目的大于自己的感觉。 我们的军队是值得他们得到的尊重。 为什么会出现男生的男人是这样一种仪式化的启动，一个是在谁的刻画在年轻人的发展显著缺乏过程的“童年”，因为它是今天我们大多数人。 我自己，如果我说实话，我必须承认，我只在我五十多岁的男子气概达到某种程度。 在我们的文化真正的开始，我们已经取代如不温不火仪式的基督徒确认和酒吧mitvahs。
他们不这样做的伎俩。 在传统文化中，转型是一个更为危险的旅程，涉及真正的威胁生命和肢体的男孩被送到了到荒野或丛林锤炼脆弱性和儿时的恐惧成为他们需要的功能作为一个男人的钢。 我们在现代西方世界没有野生动物打交道，除非我们算的范围内。 我们忘记，这些都是强大到足以统治我们的生活中，如果我们不学会承认和面对他们。 开始为我们的早期神话是骑士学徒的考验，谁骑了到森林检验自己对黑暗骑士或龙，并准备满足他的王后回报的勇气。
什么是诚信？ 简单来说，它是刚毅无畏地说，正是我的意思是，做什么我说。 这意味着，当然，关于我是谁，我给什么明确的目标去做。 如果我有疑问或困惑，我缺乏决心。 我抖动。 答案不在于否认释惑，它们是人类本性的一部分。 没有人逃脱他们。 在拒绝他们，我冒险险峻和徒劳的动作，当我需要的首先是咨询，我已经纠结自己找到内在的智慧，并重新找回清晰之前，我的行为。 一个正直的人，因为他的行动是完全的一致性与他的话的意思是谁的男人“有他一起行动，”。 他已经“一体化”四大支柱他的存在：头脑和身体，感情和精神，他们是正确的平衡。 不是由所有这四个在缺乏统一思想行动，或心脏，或能量，或支持行动的目的，是为无效的不采取行动的。
从一个人的诚信是分不开的，那么，是理解，他留下了少年时代的纯真，以及伴随它的自由。 他住在问责的世界给他人，并承认他的责任（是的，对不起，一个古朴的老式概念！）服务别人比自己。 可悲的是，这是我们大多数人辜负这个理想的实现。 我们看看我们的周围，徒劳地寻找在大多数情况下我们的圣雄甘地，纳尔逊我们曼德拉，我们的马丁·路德·王，男人谁是肯定不会缺乏，使得他们的人的失败，但谁管理，是辉煌比他们的弱点更大，与壮观，历史服务，他们的人类同胞。
我们不可能都成为男人都喜欢这些，但我们可以男人。 如果没有传统启动仪式的挑战，我们需要寻找或创造，我们自己的旅程，从儿时到成年。 这是不容易的任务，面对黑暗，没有我们的意识，可以控制我们命运的内鬼。 我们都需要某种形式的支持，我们作出这样的旅程：一个教会，也许，一个精神导师，一个训练有素的治疗师......而旅程，对于我们大多数人来说，是永远不会结束。 谁可以坐下来他的月桂树，并肯定地说：我已经达到了我的男子汉气概的丰满？ 即使在，充其量，我在这里生活之中最后一个季度，我还是用我自己的挣扎。
因此，我们离开我们的年轻主角，在“少年时代”的旅程进入成年仍然在他的前面。 他可能已经开始进入性和毒品，投入到工作中的苦差事，现在，终于，在大学宿舍，但这些都不打开了大门，以真正的，深刻的，内在的工作，他将不得不做，如果他是成为他需要的是，如果他履行了他一生的命运的人。 而且还在后头......
According to Charles Duhigg author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business , approximately 40% of what we do every day, we do unconsciously. We have formed a habit that we tend to repeat every day, and it's making our choices for us.
So, think about all the things you do every day. Some of them probably don't serve your highest purpose but still, you repeat them religiously … even knowing specific behaviors are putting you away of the reality you want to live. Duhigg explains that every time you repeat those habits your brain reinforces them … so it craves, later on, this repetition. Even if is not beneficial, you get a neuro-chemical reward in your brain that not only will create some sort of addiction but also reinforces the identity you have created for yourself.
I have tried many times to change bad habits and create new ones. With a sincere heart I must confess that I have failed more times than I have succeeded. But I noticed something happened every time I was succeeding; the positive new habits were daily rituals.
是。 I do have rituals. Ritual – “a series of actions or type of behavior regularly and invariably followed by someone.” I repeat certain rituals every day, and believe me dear reader of the MKP Journal, to repeat an action every day, is not an easy task, especially when I am trying to create a new self.
Let me share some daily rituals hoping that this will inspire action to enhance lives.
I do my rituals first thing in the morning: I wake up and I go for a run. The running part is simple. I already told myself that as soon as I hear the alarm I must jump out of the bed. At the beginning it was hard, now is automatic. My recommendation is to avoid dealing with ANY logistics – so your sportswear must be ready next to the bed from the previous night.
A second ritual is: I carry in my wallet one handwritten page. One side of the page is divided in two: on the left side I have a few statements: my flaws or weaknesses to become aware of what I want to change, and on the right side my good qualities and virtues to remind myself the tools I have for my own growth. Deliberately this second list is bigger than the first one. On the other side of the paper I've written a brief composition about who I want to be. I've included goals and projects and a description of how I see myself in the next three years.
I read this paper three times a day. As soon as I wake up, at lunch time, and before I go to sleep. It takes me two minutes each reading. When I read it I focus on staying present: just reading.
Third: In the morning I also do a brief visualization … right before I come back from running I stop and I visualize: It takes me three to five minutes. I visualize the same three goals I have written on the paper I carry on my wallet.
Finally, is my gratitude time. On a notebook I got specifically for gratitude, right before I go to sleep, I write three things that I'm grateful for that day. It doesn't matter if it's as simple as “the kid I saw having some ice cream at Lincoln road in South Beach.” If I feel like writing it, I write it. Then I say a brief prayer, and I go to sleep.
These four rituals have changed my life dramatically in the last two years. Have I been 100% consistent with them?… absolutely not. I used to give to myself a guilt trip, this usually led me to abandon my regular practice for a while. If for some reason I miss my rituals now, instead of the self punishment, I just carry on.
就是这样。 Just a couple of thing before I finish: You may notice that my rituals are very simple; they are simple because when I create a complex plan, I find I'm planning to fail. Start small and keep going; it is a great exercise of self love.
And lastly, be creative with your rituals! Some people create a vision boards with images, others do mantras or incantations, others meditate or do breathing exercises. The rituals become habits because of repetition, and the daily practice causes transformation.
I've got more from my 2 years of rituals than from my entire previous life without them. Use them and then you tell me!
by Chris Kyle
Over the last week, I've shared with you the first two core Purpose Blocks which are:
Now it's time to explore the third of the 3 Purpose Blocks. Purpose Block #3 is the Distraction Vortex .
In our modern, media-saturated and technology-driven culture we have a never-ending list of things we can do in our daily lives to keep us busy and our schedules extremely full.
The daily choices are mind-boggling … TV shows, books, internet surfing, sports, phone calls, porn, email, movies, hobbies — and on and on and on. And all of this is in addition to our daily work (that hopefully pays the bills).
All these possible activities make up the Distraction Vortex: a swirling pool of constant and seemingly endless things TO DO … that can suck up all of our precious time.
None of these activities, in and of themselves, are inherently “good” or “bad.” However, if we are spending much of our time in the Distraction Vortex — there is a good chance that we are also distracting ourselves from what we might want most in our lives: deeper connection, greater joy, more meaning, and a clearer sense of purpose.
And because the journey into these states can be more subtle and unclear, it's frankly easier and likely more soothing to numb-out or check-out with a juicy distraction like a TV show, a series of YouTube videos, or a trashy novel.
The challenge and question is, “How do I consciously navigate this Distraction Vortex, so it doesn't suck up all of my time — and instead frees up my time for focusing on living more fully into my purpose?”
Here are three steps you can take to help set you free from the Distraction Vortex.
1. Slow Down and Observe Your Activity
The first step is to use whatever stillness practice you have, like meditation or mindfulness, to slow yourself down each day (and if you don't have one, then start one), and begin to observe what pulls your attention toward what you would consider unhealthy distractions.
Then take on a one week “distraction awareness practice” by tracking where you are spending your time in the activities that you consider distractions. This brings to conscious awareness what activities YOU use as distractions to not face something else in your life.
2. Notice What You're Avoiding
The second step is to notice what you may be avoiding in your life that the distractions helps you not have to face. It is typically something you don't want to look at, and which makes you uncomfortable… something that you struggle with in your life.
Being more conscious of the activity, feeling or the energy that you're avoiding helps to burst the bubble on your distraction patterns. Now you have the awareness to make a new choice about whether to engage the specific distractions or not.
3. Recommit with Support
As you see more clearly how your particular distractions don't serve you, you can now recommit yourself to the actions and activities that truly support and serve you — your own growth and your purpose.
By declaring your commitment to the activities that feed your passions and purpose to another person close to you helps you stay accountable to not slipping back into the unhealthy distractions. This support is key to breaking out of the Distraction Vortex.
In the Man on Purpose Course, starting tomorrow (April 17, 2014), we spend two of the 7 weeks on looking at the patterns and habits that take us out of the fuller expression of our authentic power, creativity and purpose. This helps clear the way to bringing more energy and power to our purpose.
To your distraction-free purpose,
PS The Man on Purpose Course starts tomorrow, April 17th, and there's still time to register and lock in your seat in the course. Go here to register for the course. One man who took the course last year said:
“The course opened me up to the desire and passion to start living as a man who lives to be more of service in all aspects of life. Not “what is my purpose?” but rather how to LIVE with purpose!” — Edward Werger
Special Q&A Call Tonight & Important Announcement
We've received a lot of great questions over the last week around the topic of purpose and wanting to know more about our upcoming course — Man On Purpose: The Essential 7-Week Online Course for Men which starts on April 17th.
As I mentioned in my last post, George Daranyi and I will be hosting a special interactive Q&A call tonight – Tuesday April 15th. We will be answering some of the most frequently asked questions about the course, and also about how you can access your hidden power to activate your passions and purpose in the world.
If you have any lingering questions about the course, please join this special Q&A call TONIGHT, MARCH 15TH at 5:30 pm Pacific Time to get the answers you need.
Here's how to access the Q&A Session with George and me:
TONIGHT at 5:30 pm Pacific / 8:30 pm Eastern / 12:30 am+1 UTC
To listen by webcast online, go to:
To listen by phone dial:
Number: (425) 440-5100
Access code: 405934#
A number of men who have experienced the work with us were eager to share how it had improved and changed their lives:
“They showed me how I had been asleep for most of my life, and how I needed to “awaken” and take charge of my life, to take responsibility and be accountable for my actions. In the program, I received the tools to get back into integrity with my family, my friends, and mainly with myself… I learned that it in order to make a difference in this world, to live into my purpose, I first had to change myself.” — Joe A.
“Chris' approach helped me to see where I'm not showing up fully in my life and the shadows that were holding me back. His intuition and awareness guided me to confront these shadows and helped me stay present, even when it was uncomfortable. With Chris's help, I found my growing edge and learned how to take what I experienced in the sessions into my professional and social life, my intimate relations and most of all, my inner journey. By experiencing this place of “deep knowingness”, purpose and fierce love, I experienced the essence of my true nature.” — Tim C.
I also wanted to let you know that our 3-payment option ends this Friday. So if you're planning to register for the course and would benefit from the option of spreading the payments over three months, be sure to register by tomorrow to take advantage of this opportunity.
To learn more and register visit the course information page.
Chris Kyle & George Daranyi
If you missed the first post: here are the 3 Purpose Blocks:
The Fear Triad
The Distraction Vortex
As we move further along our purpose journey path we're likely to run into the second purpose block: The Doubting Voice.
- Do you really think you can live your purpose — what about making enough money for the family?
- It sounds too risky to shift careers now… why would you want to do that?
- Where will you get the support to take on this new project?
- What happens if it doesn't work out?
Essentially, this inner voice is that part of our thought pattern that is negatively questioning everything we say or do.
而问题是，当你的疑古与语音呼叫的碰撞，你展开的目的，那么它要找到所有的方式，让你从去到“未知的边缘” - 来，你会不得不延长自己的地方，冒险和成长的可能性不舒服的方式。
怀疑的声音的任务是消除风险，让事情变得“安全”，并且不舒服。 This obviously puts you at odds with yourself at times, and why it is a core block to living your purpose.
So, how do we work with and neutralize our Doubting Voice?
I know, easier said than done. 但这里是我的BE-好友的过程中，或者说另一种方式，整合我的内心多巴酚丁胺。
Start with naming the Doubting Voice in you. 你可以把它叫做：多疑的哥们，或者脾气古怪凯蒂，或者干脆多巴酚丁胺先生。 这样做是双重的：
Brings lightness and humor to that part of ourselves that is pretty heavy and a limiter to our full, authentic expression
Allows the witnessing part of yourself to arrive so you can see the bigger perspective beyond your fearful, doubting ego-mind thoughts/voices.
Then it's time to have a brief dialogue with your Doubter. It flows like this:
“先生. Doubter, do you have some true wisdom for me that I should know about?” Here you're investigating for important information that might be in the doubting voice. 真理，你觉得一粒可能是重要的问题就在眼前。 Listen to what comes back.
Then say to yourself: “Thank you for sharing. I don't need you at this time. 我现在要腾出空间的选择是对我最高的善 - 我有权选择“
在故意课程的人 ，乔治Daranyi，我将如何把你的负面内心的声音（我们称之为内霸王）到盟友的增长和扩张说话。 So, I encourage you to let your Doubting Voice be the new fuel for your growth, for a deeper self-acceptance, that will bring more energy and clarity to your purpose work.
To your purpose adventure,
PS乔治和我正在主持一个特殊的现场Q＆A呼叫周二，4月15日下午5:30 PT /下午8:30 ET回答所有即将到来的问题上目的课程的人 ，这开始于4月17日。 Mark you calendars now and we'll be sending out Access Details on Monday. Go here to learn more and register for the course.
The challenge I see constantly with people who want clarity of purpose, or want to bring more energy or focus to it, is that there's at least one BIG block （如果不是几个）在他们的生活中的保持他们完全接合，并照亮了他们的目的。
I'd like to share with you the top 3 Purpose Blocks that I've discovered through the purpose work I've done with hundreds of people over the years; 然后如何将通过这些块。 今天，我将专注于用块＃1。
Here are the 3 Purpose Blocks:
- The Fear Triad
- The Distraction Vortex
用块＃1就是怕黑社会 。 我一直认为人的脸时，在深入发掘他们的目的，或者当他们试图把他们的目的的愿景转化为行动在世界上三个特定的恐惧。 这三个核心目的的担忧是：
- Fear of Survival (mostly financial)
生存如此恐惧 unfolds like this: If you choose to go after your purpose, living it fully, then it may drain ALL your resources and/or not be sustainable in the future, and you won't “make it” — you won't survive. 你将无法支付账单，并养活家人。 So, it's just easier to avoid the question about purpose altogether than to face the possibility that you might not survive by living the “fantasy” of your purpose.
它可能展开这样的：如果你去你真正想要的，你的目的和失败; 那么你已经失败了的真正的大之一的生活 - 住你的目的“这不只是失败的项目或任务，但可能有一个意义上的”全人失败。“ - 消息之中：”我在我的生活是失败的。“
这暴露了你的人的反应，自己的恐惧和他们的嘲笑。 The fear may arise that you'll be laughed, belittled or rejected because your ideas seem non-conventional or simply strange to others.
So, here is the 3-step flow of how to work with these natural fears in the Fear Triad:
> Awareness of the Fear
注意和承认的恐惧。 它停下自己，并采取更深入的看看里面什么这些担心都是对你来说是很重要的。 Name them in your OWN way and in your words. Bringing them out of the shadow and into the light of your conscious mind is the first step.
Once you are aware of your unique flavor of the fear, then you're ready to embrace this fear as simply a part of you and a mechanism that your ego-mind uses to keep you safe.
This means accepting the fear with self-compassion and seeing it as a natural part of your growth and evolution as a human being. It's important for you to watch your tendency to push the fear away, to deny it or pretend it's not there.
> Open to a New Choice
正如你可以拥抱你的恐惧，它开始失去其持有和力量你。 It may still be there, but it's been seen, named and embraced. So, now it's time to make a new choice that supports your highest growth and calling in the moment.
by Gonzalo Salinas
Every morning after my run on the beach and my morning rituals, as I drive to work, I see the kids from the South Beach Elementary crossing the street, I see the cuban windows full of people buying their morning cafe cubano , I see the many yoga fans carrying their mat to their morning practice and I see the magic atmosphere of the beach waking up and starting the day.
I cross the MacArthur causeway admiring the breathtaking view, with the Miami skyline and the port of Miami on one side and the mansions in front of the ocean and the Miami bay on the other one. I take the I95, my usual shortcut to the roads in Coral Way to get to my office.
I'm grateful for all the things I get to see every morning. 为什么呢？ Because everything I get to see every day is a blessing. I know it firsthand…
When I was a kid, I absolutely loved to play. I was always organizing the games. I remember always playing with my older brothers, with my friends or my cousins. Inventing games, running, jumping, screaming … one of my favorites was playing soccer with a paper ball covered in duct tape. I was always busy being a kid.
我的小学是威胁光辉道路或图帕克·阿马鲁革命运动的恐怖活动。这已经采取了我的城市，利马，并摧毁一切都恐怖组织，他们感动。 当他们受到威胁的学校，唯一的解决办法是家里送大家的日子。 大多数时候，这些被误报，有人呼吁没有任何理由，但在城市的其他地方，你不能去咖啡馆或餐厅，因为恐怖分子被轰炸的商业领域，公共机构，银行，私人企业和每一个公共场所，你可能想象，散布混乱和恐怖遍布利马和该国其他地区。
我从小就这样的环境，并没有意识到不断的风险只是走在我的城市的街道。 12年的恐怖的1980年至1992年，结果被打死约70万人。 幸运的是，秘鲁政府能够把恐怖结束。
有很多地方在现在的世界，像巴基斯坦，伊拉克或索马里，其中恐怖主义是日常生活的一部分。 我感到很幸运，住的地方我现在住。 我很清醒 - 清醒，不是每个人都经历了世界，我住在现实，我也有责任保持清醒。
因此，每天早晨，我要感谢我在上班路上看到的。 感激之情，对我来说，是恐惧的对面。 感激你所拥有的，并发送你的积极的能量或者说一个祈祷的地方是恐怖的现实。 我祈祷的世界里，所有的孩子都可以到街道，并播放。
马林一直是先锋和富有远见的。 他在喜剧领域的工作和杂耍早在上世纪70年代和80年代初的影响杂耍谁遵循的一代。 巴里·弗里德曼从人类工程的杂耍Duo“上的Raspini兄弟”在北加州的一半，报告，“我记得站在我们家的厨房时，我才18岁，看到迈克尔·马林在一个电视节目叫真实的人。”
“这表明我什么是可能的，如果我坚持了杂耍一个更大的画面：有乐趣，让人们发笑的可能性。 马林继续提高标准既艺术和专业。 他的表演LUMA已经出色地兼并了电子控制照明的令人难以置信的技术，杂耍的视觉吸引力。“
3月26日吉尔伯特，AZ - 希格利中心
4月4日英尺。 柯林斯，CO - 林肯中心
4月6日圣达菲，NM - 兰斯克剧院
April 7th Las Vegas, NM – University of New Mexico Highland Center
April 11th Chippewa Falls, WI – Heyde Center
April 12th Madison, WI – Barrymore Theater
April 13th Schaumberg, IL – Prairie Performing Arts Center
April 20/21st Roanoke, VA – Jefferson Center
April 27th Storrs, CT – University of Connecticut Jorgensen Center
April 29th Queens, NY – Queens College
May 2nd Worcester, MA – Hanover Theater
我喜欢这个视频剪辑查尔斯的最后一行：“......每个人都有独特的呼叫和它的真正时间听的。 这是什么样的未来将是。 它的时间来准备它，并作出贡献，并帮助做到这一点。“
Charles Eisenstein is a teacher, speaker, and writer focusing on themes of civilization, consciousness, money, and human cultural evolution. 他是6本书的作者includingSacred经济，人性化的上升和更美的世界我们的心知道是可能的。
“请记住，自我怀疑是自我为中心的自我膨胀。 Your obligation is to reach as deeply as you can and offer your unique and authentic gifts as bravely and beautifully as you're able.”
— Bill Plotkin, author of Soulcraft*
by Reuel Czach
Elders, we are losing our Soul.
We are so caught up individually in petty offenses
and bickering and wounded-ness,
that we are letting our civilization and our planet die.
But most importantly,
we are letting our souls die.
When I chose to be wounded,
and walk through life withdrawn in my cave,
or I choose to be over-armored,
to the point of being weighed down,
with such heavy baggage,
nothing else matters,
…..my soul is lost.
I chose to take a step toward claiming,
my lost soul,
when I chose to meet with men in an honest, open circle.
I choose my soul,
when I decide to be so humble,
that no one can offend me.
I choose my soul,
when I chose wisdom,
over being right.
I choose my soul,
when I chose service,
I choose my soul,
when I chose looking within,
to find all the evil I see outside myself.
I choose my soul,
when I walk the path of life,
where I am nothing,
and I am everything,
in sacred balance.
My choices mean everything,
my offenses mean nothing.
My offenses mean I still have inner work to do
and for the sake of generations to come,
I better get it done as quickly as possible.
My choices mean I have the power to save myself,
my loved ones, my friends, and possibly many more people,
from a mean, selfishness and a lonely death.
I feel great sadness and sorrow,
for all that is being lost.
While the distractions of hurt,
wounded-ness and bickering,
suck so much energy out of my soul,
…..and the soul of my people.
Every hurt and wound and chance to be right,
is a mirror of my soul,
and an opportunity to heal.
做到这一点！ Choose healing.
Then choose wisdom and kindness,
and be the Elder you were meant to be.
Distractions are my enemy,
anything that tries to pull me off,
my narrow mission.
I just need to let Spirit control my life,
where my spirit joins and serves,
a much bigger wisdom,
than I could ever fully understand.
I am asked this day to request of myself,
and men who call themselves Elders.
A humble request,
that we focus on the wisdom to light a path,
for those who come after us.
Humble man, Jan 2014
by Chris Kyle
I came across this quote from David Deida (author of Way of the Superior Man ) a couple of days ago:
“Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose. Just this self-knowledge often relieves much pressure a man feels to prioritize his relationship when, in fact, it is not his highest priority.”
I have to say right off the bat, that when I first read this quote I thought to myself… do I have to choose one OVER the other?
And then another part of me stood up (in my head, of course) and said “that's right, achieving my highest purpose would definitely rock!”
Clearly there's a conflict running inside me regarding how I prioritize living my purpose as a man, and where I place my relationship.
So, as I look at my own life to investigate this question of the priority of purpose, I do see that I am most alive, engaged and passionate when I'm doing what I love, giving my gifts and bringing my purpose forward to serve others.
And if I decided to choose my relationship OVER living fully into my purpose, I think a part of me would shrivel up. And I know that my power and confidence would be diminished in the world.
And at the end of the day, I don't want living my purpose to hurt or damage my relationship with my wife. I know that I can give my full presence and heart to my relationship without sacrificing my purpose.
But real juice and fire in our relationship comes from me making bold choices to follow my heart and gut, and give my gifts, my purpose with passion and without apology. And my wife finds this super sexy and is proud of me even during the times I am putting my purpose work above our relationship time.
The twist here is that in my experience living boldly into my purpose, with all the triumphs and failures that goes with that, my relationship thrives.
And of course, my purpose as I shared it above applies to my wife as well (she's a “being” too), and so I can be in my purpose through supporting her on her path of growth.
What I hear from many men that I work with is that they are trying so hard to make their relationship work or to please their partner so they can have a more harmonious and “easy” life.
The challenge of putting their relationship above the full expression of their purpose, is that it diminishes the energy, fire and confidence in themselves that could infuse the relationship with much needed passion or juiciness.
So here's how I have learned to hold this priority tension between relationship and purpose. I give my full presence, attention and heart to my relationship whenever we are together. I am not half-there or checked out because I'm thinking about work, or half-listening to her because my purpose work is invading my thoughts and it's THE PRIORITY.
Rather, when I'm engaged in my purpose work, I'm there fully and making that a priority in my life even if it means making some difficult choices about the time I spend with my wife.
I find that the natural balance arises when I am passionately engaged in my purpose AND I bring that juice and fire into my relationship with full presence and an open heart — regardless of how much time we have with each other (days or minutes).
And you know, I still reserve the right to make my relationship the focus of my purpose at any given time if it needs it and demands more of me for a period of time. How's that for a slick caveat — and it's been true at specific times in my life.
Keep working your purpose edge, bring full presence to each moment, keep your heart open and you'll see your life soar… in both your purpose AND your relationship.
PS What do you think? 发表评论！
By Donald Clerc
What's the difference between being an Elder and being elderly? I never really thought about that question until joining the ManKind Project two years ago.
I'm 57, have three grown children, one young grandchild, and own my own business. So I've “been around the block” a few times and have learned a thing or two along the way. But no one had challenged me on what I can do with that experience and wisdom in this second half of my life.
What are the characteristics of an Elder? We all know of older people who do not behave in an Elder way. And we also know of younger people who already exhibit Elder-like qualities. Here's what I see are some of the qualities and behaviors of an Elder:
• Speaking the truth with authority and wisdom.
• Speaking with kindness and a fierce authenticity at the same time.
• Having a gracious and open heart.
• Standing for higher values and strong standards of behavior.
• Drawing the line against counterproductive behavior.
• Giving, serving, honoring and blessing others.
• Standing in responsible support of leaders.
• Knowing when all you need to do is be present and listen.
Being an Elder is not the same as being elderly. Just because you are older doesn't make you wise. And if you don't share that hard-won wisdom with others, then you are not benefiting society as an Elder.
Being an Elder is not the same as being a leader. The Elder looks out for the leaders and the lead alike. The Elder uses his wisdom and experience for the good of everyone. His honesty and values help the young to mature and help the already mature to stay in touch with their core values.
Many other societies honor their Elders. It seems like our materialistic society only honors those people (young or old) who buy things, make things, or do things. How does one get honored for being and sharing wisdom? Elders can help the younger generations focus on developing their core values and stop being overly focused on material things.
Where can today's Elders practice their craft? I grew up in a Presbyterian church, which is run by Elders by design. But outside of organized religion, schools and businesses, where else can Elders give of their gifts? If our communities can learn to utilize all of this elder wisdom in an organized way, everyone benefits.
What stops older people from stepping into the role of the Elder? The first obstacle to overcome is the assumption or lack of awareness that one is already an Elder simply because one has already experienced a half-century or more of life. The second obstacle is a lack of training on Elder-like behaviors. These behaviors are not difficult to learn – what most people need to learn are how to undo the negative habits that inhibit or cover their natural Elder qualities from coming out.
In conclusion, young people need more Elders in their lives. They grow up easier and with more maturity. I think it's time for older people need to step into their roles as Elders. This gives them a greater sense of fulfillment and contribution to society than continuing the consumerist behaviors of when they were younger.
What we still need are a way to train more people in the second half of their life to embrace their inner Elder. And we need to develop more avenues in society where Elders can give of their gifts to others.
Research done by a group of scientists, recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reveals some interesting facts about how human beings experience emotions in their bodies. 对于涉及人类工程的人，这是我们一直在教学和实践工作近30年一个很好的肯定。
In the ManKind Project, we see and hear men struggle to describe or name what they're feeling. 疯了吗？ Sad? Glad? Afraid? 惭愧吗？ They frequently have an easy time saying what they think, or making statements that express judgment about what is happening around them, but when asked to name the emotional state they're experiencing … many men are stumped. For most of us, this is a result of being raised in families and in a culture that doesn't teach or model emotional literacy.
“What sensations are you feeling?”
and finally …
“If you were to give it a name … mad, sad, glad, afraid, ashamed … what would you call it?”
This basic template for exploration begins to tease apart the stories and narratives in our minds from the raw physical experience we are having in our bodies. 通常这是解耦反应习惯让男人可以使他们的行为变化和信仰对自己和世界的第一步。
Emotion – the felt sense, the hormonal and neurological chain-reaction set into motion by thoughts and experiences of the world – is one of the most powerful sources of information we can harness to improve ourselves and have a positive impact on the world. 我们中的许多创造否定，压制，并避免我们的感情已经广泛的在我们的社区的个人，人际，和文化影响的习惯。
This is a great time to bear witness to the cultural awakening that is underway.
Men's Work – the difficult and fantastic process of waking up, growing up, and showing up in the world for the benefit of humanity – is main-stream. 当这篇文章发表后，人类工程的人来自世界各地的人用妙语连珠分享其关于打印出来作为一个快速参考指南，男性开始连接“头”和令人振奋的进程的心脏。“
Here is the link to the article:
I'm extremely grateful to Dr. Lissa Rankin. I think she saved me by helping me understand what was happening in my life. I was training for a triathlon, and I wasn't feeling good. My body couldn't take it anymore and when I went to three different doctors, they each ran some tests, and the result was the same: Everything was all right.
But I wasn't feeling good. One night as I was leaving work, checking my email, I found a video in my inbox, I can't recall now who it was from. The title was The shocking truth about your health by Dr. Lissa Rankin. It was a TED talk from 2011 (I included it below). After watching the entire video, I was hooked. I ordered her book Mind Over Medicine , and I started a healing process that was more related to a daily practice of my passion than to a pathology.
Lissa Rankin is a brave soul fighting against a system that treats our bodies like machines. Her armament to fight the battle: LOVE. She says her mission is to highlight the “ care in the health-care.” I consider her work an amazing opportunity for every doctor, healer, therapist, shaman, people involved with medicine or any kind of healing practice to learn and grow in their practice.
She is on a mission. And she is being recognized. I pray that she continues healing humankind.
Here is a link to a great article she wrote. Check it out, and consider getting involved:
by Wentworth Miller
8:32 AM (approx.)
I pull into the drive-thru, empty except for the giant white Suburban ahead of me, coming abreast of the callbox, like a yacht docking. When the window rolls down I can see the driver in his side mirror. Male, bald, mid 30s.
The intercom crackles as a McDonald's employee pitches whatever it is he/she's been ordered to pitch at the top of the order. Given the season, presumably something holiday-ish. High on fructose.
My window's rolled up so I can't hear their exchange, but I can see the man's lips moving, his eyes grazing the menu. He turns away from the callbox, addresses someone inside the Suburban, asking what they'd like for breakfast. Presumably.
That's when I notice how many people he's got with him. A literal carload. I see multiple heads. Most of them small. This guy's got four or five kids in there. At least. Plus the wife. All of whom want breakfast. None of whom have ever been to a McDonald's, apparently, because the man behind the wheel is talking them through the entire fucking menu. Every last item. Apparently.
The intercom crackles again and I glance in my rearview mirror, see two cars waiting behind me, their exhaust commingling with mine as the seconds tick by.
I look back at Suburban Dad, silently willing him to hurry it up. He does not. He's smiling, taking his time, making sure he's getting everybody's order right.
I imagine his voice in my head.
“Yeah… can I get a Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit? No wait – Lexie's allergic to cheese. Can I get a Bacon & Egg Biscuit no cheese? No wait – can you make that a McMuffin? Can I get a Sausage McMuffin with Egg? No cheese. Lexie can't have cheese.” (McCetera.)
All I want is a large coffee with 2 creamers on the side.
Unfortunately for me, Dad, Mom, Lexie, and Lexie's thirty-six brothers and sisters are going to need several more minutes to make up their minds.
I sigh and look to my left, try to distract myself with the view outside my window. But there's nothing to see. Just a flat, dry expanse stretching to the horizon, a bleak winter vista of grays, browns and beiges in this Dust Bowl Created By Congress (if the billboards lining the 5 are to be believed).
I turn my gaze back to the Suburban, zeroing in on Dad (again), still framed in his side mirror. He's stroking his chin, looking over the menu (again). Considering His Options. I didn't know people still stroked their chins.
I look in my rearview mirror, see there are now three cars behind me. Here comes the fourth.
Several scenarios run through my head.
1st Scenario: I tap my horn twice. 哔哔。 Watch as Dad's eyes meet mine in the side mirror. His brow furrows. I smile. Shrug. Like, “Could you hurry it up, please?”
2nd Scenario: I violently stab my car horn. BLAP. Watch as Dad's eyes meet mine in the side mirror. His brow furrows. I lift my hands. Shrug. Like, “Whoops – didn't mean to hit the horn. But while I have your attention, could you hurry it up, please?”
3rd Scenario: I violently stab my car horn. And hold it. BLAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP. Watch as Dad's eyes meet mine in the side mirror. His brow furrows. I stare him down. Like, “Yeah. You heard me.” He sticks his head out the window, looks back at me. “You gotta problem?” Maybe he actually opens his door, gets out and walks back to my car, wants to find out what my problem is face to face. (This scenario could lead to violence. Fisticuffs. A McFlurry of punches.)
4th Scenario: Someone behind me taps THEIR horn. 哔哔。 Dad's eyes meet mine in the side mirror. His brow furrows. I lift my hands. Shrug. Like, “Hey – wasn't me, buddy. But while we have your attention…”
My fingers drum the steering wheel.
Then, at last, he's done. Miracle of miracles. I sweep in behind the Suburban the second it moves forward, colonizing the space it so recently occupied. If it were a seat it would still be warm. Now it's mine. All mine. I have my window rolled down. I am breathless with impatience. Ready to order.
“Hi and welcome to McDonald's! Would you like to try our new -”
“Can I get a large black coffee with two creamers on the side?”
“Will that complete your order?”
“Your total is f – ”
I drive past the callbox and up to the first window, the window where you pay. Or at least I try to. But the Suburban's still there. Idling. 当然。 I can't tell if Dad's paid and waiting for change or if he's still digging around looking for exact coinage.
I lift my weary eyes to the top of his vehicle, spot a rooftop cargo carrier. 黑色。 Sizable. I wonder what's inside. Body parts maybe. Or Christmas presents. Body parts wrapped as Christmas presents. They're probably on their way to Grandma's house. Or a vacation cabin. ('Tis the season.)
I see movement out of the corner of my eye, catch a McDonald's employee handing Dad back his credit card and receipt. Dad says something in return (thank you?). Smiles. This guy's all fucking smiles. A regular chucklehead. Apparently.
Dad says something else to the employee (Merry Christmas?). Then, instead of driving forward and keeping the line moving, instead of showing a degree of awareness and/or respect for the fact that he/they are not alone in this drive-thru and/or world, Dad stays where he is. I see him looking down at his lap, fussing with something. His credit card maybe. He's putting it back in his wallet. THEN he'll move forward.
For fuck's sake.
One of the kids must've said something funny because now Dad is laughing, hard, head thrown back. I see gums in the side mirror, a small black gullet ringed by tiny white teeth.
The 1st Scenario pops into my head again, the one where I tap my horn twice. 哔哔。 Watch as Dad's eyes meet mine in the side mirror, brow furrowing. I smile, shrug. “Could you hurry it up, please?” Dad gives me the stink-eye but pulls forward, allowing me to pay for my coffee at the first window. A minute later I'm back on the 5, nursing my cup of joe and listening to some tunes, inner monologue re: the family in the white Suburban being rapidly replaced by thoughts re: me. And lunch. Then me again.
Meanwhile – still 1st Scenario – the Suburban's back on the road as well, but now Dad's mood has soured. He's still thinking (brooding) about that asshole behind him at McDonald's, the one who honked his horn. The one who wanted him/them to hurry the fuck up. That honk felt personal. Like an insult. Dad thinks maybe he should've gotten out of the car and walked back there, found out what that guy's problem was face to face. 是啊。 Maybe he should have. Dad knows he ought to let it slide but can't, has never been good at shrugging things off. His fingers drum the steering wheel.
Dad's wife sits next to him, tense, eyes front, shoulders climbing up to her ears. There's been a change in the weather and she knows it. She's heard this record before. She gives her husband a look, assessing the situation, finger to the wind, waiting to see where this will go. But she can guess.
Lexie and her thirty-six brothers and sisters sit behind them, subdued now. There's been a change in the weather and they know it. They eat quietly, trying not to crinkle their Sausage McMuffin with Egg wrappers too loudly. 无济于事。
One of them is an hour and 42 minutes away from getting slapped.
It might happen sooner. It might happen later. But it's happening.
I sit in the drive-thru with my foot on the brake, staring at the backs of those little heads in the Suburban in front of me, wondering which of them it will be.
Do I know for sure that honking my horn means one of those kids is getting slapped?
Would I really be responsible if the former resulted in the latter?
No. That's absurd.
If Lexie and her thirty-six brothers and sisters are growing up in an environment where slapping occurs, slapping will occur, no matter how quietly they eat their breakfasts. No matter how many drivers refrain from honking at Dad, palms will meet cheeks.
But I don't want to be a link in that chain.
So I still my fingers on the steering wheel and leave my horn unhonked. I will wait the extra 5 minutes for my morning coffee. I will let Dad – still chuckling, by the way – pull forward to the pick-up window when he's good and ready.
Fine by me.
When he does I follow behind, moving well under 5 mph. When I stop next to the pay window, I brake so gently I can barely tell I've braked at all. Or that I was ever moving.
I've got my bills and exact change ready. $4.34. I extend my closed fist toward the window as it slides open, revealing a ponytailed teenager in a McDonald's visor and faded parka. She smiles apologetically, nods toward the Suburban in front of me. Shrugs. Says, “Sorry about the wait. That guy took forever, huh?”
by Shawn Rhodes
What I remember most about the first time someone tried to take my life was how good the water tasted.
It was spring of 2004, and I was in a cargo vehicle full of infantry Marines. We headed out to protect an overpass used as a supply route to Baghdad. It was being shelled regularly by the local Jihad constabulary. The big, clunky vehicle pulled under the bridge and we waited for further orders. Apparently, it's a bad idea to park a vehicle in a spot the enemy has plenty of experience hitting. We immediately began receiving incoming mortar fire.
I heard the order to abandon the vehicle, and I was two people from the rear hatch. The man closest to the back jumped the 12 feet from the truck bed to the ground, rolled on the pavement and ran for cover as the rounds rained around him. The second man followed, and was peppered by shrapnel along the right side of his body. The rounds came in half-second increments, and when they hit the pavement around us, it was like geysers opened. Smoke, gravel, and pieces of steel sprayed up and out like jets of black steam. I jumped from the vehicle and a mortar exploded underneath me.
The next thing I remember was swinging from the rear tailgate of the huge truck as it lurched forward. One hand gripping the steel while the rest of me banged around against the bumper. I dropped to the ground and checked myself – no wounds. When we finally settled in for the night, I realized I'd never been so thirsty. That lukewarm, stale, chlorinated water tasted like it had come from the Swiss alps.
I share this story because I want to jog your memory. I want you to remember the elation that comes from surviving. More importantly, I want to share with you a key principle of living a life with Shoshin, Beginner's Heart:
The best moments occur when you push yourself (or are pushed) beyond what you think you can handle. It is what you do with that victory, however, that defines the rest of your life.
Trauma is a well-recognized and ancient way of bringing oneself to the brink of what we think we can handle. If someone survives, it changes them forever. Many of the veterans I fought with are still coming to terms with what they experienced on the battlefield. These folks were certainly physically stronger than I was, most were smarter, and our training desensitized all of us to violence. So why do some of us return after these experiences re-dedicated to fulfilling our life's purpose, while so many leave their life's passions in the desert sands?
People hurt us. Others are taken too early. What do we do with the emptiness echoing within? The solution may surprise you – it's not forgiving and forgetting, and it's certainly not pretending it didn't happen. If an event in life challenges your reason for living as fully as possible, pick up the mantle of the warrior again. Even if you've never thought of yourself as a warrior, the spirit of service lives within you. It is your human calling and it's a way to embrace challenge in life.
Think of the most traumatic events in your life, and the details involved. Remember of how things felt or smelled. Record it on a piece of paper. If these memories don't feel like an unhealed wound, you've already done the healing work of a spirit-warrior or your life is blessedly free of trauma.
What do you want to invite back into your life? Playfulness? Unbridled joy? Trust? Write it down. If it's stumping you, ask friends or family who knew you before and after the event noticed any changes.
If the event re-played itself in your mind every hour (and it does for some of us, doesn't it?), what would you do to make the memory bearable? This is assuming you're tired of avoiding the memory and are ready to regain what you lost.
Warriors are called to live a life of excellence. Striving to be fulfilled brings lessons of both victories and defeats. What separates a warrior from a victim is what they choose to do with the rest of their lives. Like all life-issues, the faster you run, the faster they pursue. Warriors don't run, hiding behind alcohol, drugs, or pretending something didn't happen. A warrior does what they love – they revel in playing on the battlefield of their lives.
Of course, the events that shaped us no longer exist, except in the past and in our memories. You see, the place warriors reclaim lost parts of themselves is within their present moments. It's there we walk the path. Remember, a warrior is one who serves a higher calling. If you're reading this and you've survived the traumatic events of your life, it's safe to say you want to make the most of your present moments. Your higher purpose, your passion, your call to live with your own beginner's heart is echoing through you into your empty spaces so that you can act on it. You deserve to live an excellent life.
So how do we bring what we're missing back into our lives? As any martial artist will tell you, once you learn a 'difficult technique' it's a forehead-slapping experience when you think of how much you struggled to perform something so simple.
But that technique, that missing piece and that life you dream about will never materialize unless you begin practicing. You have to send out what you want to bring into your life. 现在就开始。 Laugh at every opportunity. Trust in small increments until you can turn your life back over to the universe. Practice giving others the things you're missing and savor the return as it flows back into your life. Seize those moments and taste them; drink deeply.
As John Turturro said in O Brother, Where Art Thou:
“Come on in boys, the water is fine.”