Category: Geoff Laughton, Men and Parenting, Men and Relationship, Syndicated
I was born in 1958, part of a generation where many were raised in accordance with Dr. Benjamin Spock’s book, “Baby And Child Care,” often by parents who didn’t have a similar upbringing to which they could refer for any kind of comparative frame of reference.
We live in a disposable culture, addicted to constant stimulation, new thrills, and instant gratification. In that kind of model, with all the blends of media encouragement to keep it up, and the pressures of trying to keep up with life, where is your relationship fitting in? Is it falling prey at all to “Hamster-itis” – my term for living life as if you’re a hamster or guinea pig on one of those wheels in a cage you remember from elementary school. Are you gauging the health of your relationship/marriage by how often you get those hits of feeling like it’s still exciting and giving you enough TPW (Thrills Per Week)?
Do you feel your relationship is sufficient? Do you even have a sense of what that would mean, look like, or feel like? If you’re not feeling happy in your relationship, what do you feel is missing? How do you want your partner to change to be able to feel more like you have the relationship of your dreams? Has your relationship gotten to the point where it feels like it’s “good,” or “going well” because it doesn’t suck as much as usual?
by Geoff Laughton
One of the most common things I hear from clients is along the lines of “When I [fill in the blank], I’ll be able to/will do [fill in the blank].” That may be talking to their spouse/partner about something that has been bothering them for years, and keeping them in a constant state of withheld intimacy. It may be finally going for the dream career that they’ve pined for for years. Maybe it’s to actually start doing the self-care regimen that has been put off for years. Whatever it is, I’m sure you can easily pinpoint what it is you keep putting off for whenever the moon and stars are perfectly aligned for, before you’ll allow yourself to take the leap into some desire.
by Geoff Laughton
To me, one of the greatest goals that I hear a lot of people, from adolescence on, tout as a key objective in their lives is to find their “dream relationship,” or “dream partner.” When I ask them what such a thing, or person, would look like, there has often been a list given that is both Hollywood-ized, to a degree, but also tends to be all about what that other person, or the relationship, is going to provide them. Having that Mr. or Ms. McDreamy is going to make their life SO much better. In such a scenario, an inordinate amount of power gets given over to that other person and/or entity.
by Geoff Laughton
Ok, if you’re not a Pink Floyd fan – and/or haven’t listened to the Dark Side Of The Moon album (it’s been pointed out to me recently, by the way, how badly I’m dating myself by even using the term “album”) – this article may take you a bit more time to get in the groove of.
There’s a song on the Dark Side album called “Speak To Me/Breathe.” The first verse contains the following lyrics:
Once upon a time, Buddha was quoted (or paraphrased) as saying, “Life is suffering.”
In contrast, many years ago, someone taught me that “Suffering is optional.” Somewhere in between that observation and what we long for as possibilities in our lives is a middle ground that beautifully holds the tension and exhilaration of how to reconnect with, and respond to, our innate desire to live Heaven on Earth, both externally and internally.
I was facilitating one of my men’s groups recently, and one of the topics that came up as a “hot button” was how to navigate the slippery slope of getting needs met while not appearing needy, and what are even “appropriate” needs to look to your partner to satisfy/support.
I was just reading a post on Facecrack that a dear friend of mine asked for some men to offer feedback on. It was concerning an article she’d seen on a website discussing the differences between men and women, and how those differences made relationships challenging. The author was basically contending (and I’m in agreement, to a large degree) that men get into trouble in relationships because they really don’t know how to contribute their half/part of their emotional responsibilities towards feeding relationships.
Category: Geoff Laughton, Men and Love, Men and Relationship, Syndicated
A man who’s been in relationship for awhile happened to say, “She [his partner] really sees me.” After he shared that, another man in the group asked, “What does it mean to you guys to ‘be seen’?”
What’s your biggest fear, other than harm coming to someone you love? Is it being out of money? Is it being alone or unloved? Is it that people will find you you secretly read Mad Magazine in the john when no one’s looking? Failing?
One of the most common complaints or issues that people share with me that they are struggling with is along the lines of “I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” followed closely by “I have no idea what my purpose is, and I feel like I’m just drifting through my life.” The economic times seem to be adding to the distress of that kind of question. People who are getting clear that they are not living a life that is congruent with who they really are often describe feeling trapped, particularly in their careers (and often in unhappy relationships where financial stability is seemingly at stake).
Category: Geoff Laughton, Men and Relationship, Men and Sex, Syndicated
Joanna is committed to re-uniting the authentic masculine and feminine. Formally an engineer and high-tech manager; she has spent the last nine years studying relationship dynamics, sacred sexuality, and partner yoga as well as cellular and emotional healing.
Whether or not you’re currently in a relationship with a lover/partner/spouse, you know that relationships of ALL kinds are a crucial ingredient in what makes life worth living (at least that’s how I look at it). You probably also know that managing a relationship with anyone easily and quickly can turn into seriously tricky business at the drop of a hat. Now, if you also take into account the adage that says, “How you do one thing is how you do Everything,” it’s not too hard to see that it behooves you to be as awakened and conscious to what you’re bringing to all your most challenging relationships on any consistent level.
This is probably not new news to you, but the vast majority of how your relationship is going with your partner has a TON to do with how your relationship with YOU is going. On a long-term basis (that is, after “The Honeymoon Period” is over), you’re not likely to be treating your partner and your romantic relationship much better than you treat yourself. When you’re feeling dissatisfied or deprived of certain needs being met by your partner, how often are you looking to see whether or not you’re treating yourself any better?
A few Saturdays ago, I wrote about Mercury Retrograde, essentially warning that a lot of unusually intense emotions, reactions, circumstances, etc. were like to be busting out all over the place…particularly with loved ones. I told you to not necessarily take anything at face value or have conflicts automatically mean something is horribly wrong. I even shared that I had had an uncharacteristically horrible blow-out with one of the folks I dearly love the night before. At the end of that evening, prior to writing you about it, I just felt horrible, felt I’d ruined that relationship for life, felt inept, and just flat out confused as to what the hell had just happened.
by Geoff Laughton
When you are looking at what makes your relationship(s) (oh hell…and life itself) challenging and difficult, it will help to really examine the power and Modus Operandi of shame. It’s often been called the Master Emotion, and while it may not really be that for you, you sure can count on the fact that, to the degree you have it and don’t know how to work with it, it will become your Master and the insidious, stealth bomber on the well-being of your relationship(s). It’s a huge topic, so today, I want to share about just one facet of how shame can control you that is worth paying sober attention to.
One of the biggest issues that shows up in the couples and individuals I work with, particularly in regards to their relationships, is where they are so challenged to comprehend what it means to receive. When you dig down even further with the issue, it becomes clear that a LOT of people don’t know how to fathom the notion of receiving without first having earned it and/or without being sure that the right kind of score-keeping is happening to be sure that the balance sheet of worth is properly maintained.
by Roy Biancalana
Imagine your life three years from now. If you’re like me, that’s a fairly easy thing to do. Most of us know what we’d like to attract, create or manifest in our lives. It’s the “how” part that trips us up. We know where we want to go, but we’re not sure how to get there.