Peter Putnam, a writer and ManKind Project supporter, in his extraordinary book : “The Song of Father-Son: Men in Search of The Blessing,” writes that a man craves the blessing of the Father more than anything else in the world.
「私達は私達の父の祝福を切望する。彼は誰私たちの父。彼は近くに私たちを抱いて、これらの単純な魔法の言葉と言って、されているのどこに：息子、私はあなたを誇りに思う。 You have all you need to be a strong, loving man.”
2003年10月に、私は私が思ったことは私の父の祝福だったことを知らなかった。私は彼に向かって何度も感じた失望、怒り、フラストレーションの同じおなじみの感情を感じていた。 My life in Peru was about to come to an end. I was about to start a new life in a new country where I couldn't speak a word of the language. I was longing for something from him … waiting for him to come and save me.
He arrived at 6:30 pm. 私は激怒した。私は彼に叫び、物事は私の人生で起こった不快な何のために彼を責めるたいと考えていました。
He came pretending like nothing was wrong … and I screamed,
He reacted like he usually did; serene, almost as if he wasn't involved.
We went to the airport. とすぐに私たちが到着したように、そこに待っていた私の兄は、フライトが2時間遅れたことを教えてくれました...
Four other friends were at the airport to say goodbye. A friend of mine brought me chocolates made by his mom, another friend asked me if I had some soles (the Peruvian currency) “You won't need it in the US” he said. 私の怒りにもかかわらず、私はペルーの足の裏にある30ドルのように彼に与えた。
Everyone was pretending that this was another get together, the usual frivolous conversation; girls, soccer, cars.
I was begging deep inside for my father to call me aside … to say something meaningful.
搭乗が開始されます。私は私の友人や家族に別れを言って開始します。当時、私は、私は2つまたは3年間は残していたと思った。それは私の父を見ることなく10歳になりましたね。私は、（資本Hで彼）、彼のために最後の別れを救った。 It was very simple goodbye. 簡単な抱擁と私の額にキス。
“Behave,” he said.
年間を通して私は父に向かって憤りをたくさん行っている。私は多くのことのために彼を非難した。 I've always thought about how he could do better on this or that area. それは10年。今、私の新しい戦士訓練冒険の後、私の男性のIグループ内の進行中の作業、私は私の父を見ているが、自分をなかったことに気づく。
振り返ってみると、私は彼があった場所から、彼は彼が持っていたもので彼ができる最善を尽くしたことがわかります。彼はもっとうまくしなかった場合、それは彼が少しでもよく知らなかったというだけの理由だった。たぶん彼はまた彼の父の祝福を渇望した。男性の仕事は、私にとっては、許しを学ぶ含まれています。私の父のために赦し。 Forgiveness for myself. I didn't know what I needed, and I didn't know how to ask for it. 彼は私が父の祝福のために頼むことができませんでしたどのような与え方を知りませんでした。
私は許した後にのみ、私はそれは不可能だと思った何かを成し遂げ：私は父を愛することを学びました。ちょうどそれは私に自由の感覚を与えると言って：私は私の父が大好きです。 Yes, I love Him and I can't wait to see him again. To look into his eyes and hug him. だけでなく、私に命を与えたが、男として、彼は彼が与えられているもので彼ができる最善を尽くしている私の弟の戦士として。
As has been said … necessity is often the mother of invention. Alan Little thought he had it all worked out, and then it all started crumbling. In some new ways, it still is. But the slippery slope from 'I've got this all figured out,' to 'What the heck is going on!?' happens in different ways for different folks. In Alan's case, it helped him arrive at a moment of clarity that gave rise to the 'True Voice System.'
I spoke with Alan in August about his system, and took a few hours to walk through the True Voice Process work-book. I'm glad I did. In a few hours I added new language and some new tools to my personal growth tool-box, and came away with more clarity about what I value deeply and what I won't tolerate in my life.
Alan completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in 2007.
It had been a wild night: they played at a festival in San Francisco and after searching without any results, Bud returned to the hotel where the band had stayed the previous night. The manager opened the room that was supposedly empty and both found a somber scene: Bradley James Nowell was kneeling on the floor with half his body on the bed. On the bed was a puddle of vomit and Bud thought that after the concert Brad had gotten drunk and passed out before even being able to get in bed.
彼らが彼を動かしたときに、より深刻な映像が出現した。彼の隣に針、軽く、白色粉末の小さな袋があった。芽が彼の心は暴行されていないことを確認し、ノウェルの胸に彼の顔を持って来た。 The police statement declared that Bradley James Nowell, 28 years old, died from a heroin overdose that stopped his heart. He could have been saved but nobody was present to help him in that lonely hotel room.
ブラッドリー·ノウェルはベン·ハーパー、ジョン·メイヤー、ジェイソンムラーズ、ジャック·ジョンソンのような歌手に影響を与え、重要な遺産を残した。彼はまた、11カ月齢の孤児、妻、バンド、そしてダルメシアン置き去りに。 He never enjoyed his fame or wealth. He made bad decisions and the heroin ultimately stopped his heart. Brad Nowell was perhaps a reminder to us all of the consequences of these excesses and where they lead us.
Today we live in a world where mind-altering substances – and we're not just talking about drugs – often dictate our choices. それは、あそこに」ではありませんし、そうではありません '彼ら' It's us. It's people just like you and me.
It is common for people to live with some sort of addiction, be it hard drugs, soft drugs, or even legal drugs such as alcohol and tobacco. The frenetic rhythm of our society has created other addictions as well, many not yet officially recognized; coffee, video-games, media, pornography.
マリファナの合法化を決定する議論は（だけでなく、全米の多数の状態の家に）ウルグアイで開催されている今日では、両側の人々が、記事を書くのインタビューを付与し、である必要があり、被写体の左右の見解を述べるている正直全体西半球に直面した。上院は国会議員のチャンバーが承認した法律を批准した場合、ウルグアイはラテンアメリカのための一例となる一歩を踏み出しているでしょう。我々は問題のために、または反対しているが、行動は我々の社会に多大な影響を及ぼしているがんで撮影されていることを声明としてかどうかを決定するほどではない。 The drug economy, as noted by Moises Naim in his book, “ Illicit: How Smugglers, Traffickers, and Copycats are Hijacking the Global Economy ,” doubled from 1990 to 2002, without calculating the parallel powers it creates, the mafias and the cost that the ensuing crime has on governments.
Being for or against decriminalization, the “war on drugs” is a war that was lost at the beginning, and our action is needed now. 我々と我々の仲間の人間の多くは、私たちが生き残るためには、人生を「負担」に物質を必要とする状態に住んでいます。 How do we get back to a healthy balance point? Where is the emotional health of our society standing? Do we fill in the gaps in our spirit with addictive substances or compulsive behaviors to forget reality?
Many of us, in our daily activities, are using alternatives that bring us closer to sanity or the elevation of the spirit; yoga, exercise, meditation, 'clean' food, and appropriate amounts of rest that balance out the frenetic pace that our work requires. But this is far from the norm in our culture. We have arrived at an alarming moment.
多分それは、誰もが健康な社会づくりにおける個人の責任があることを考慮すべき時です。これは、集団的健全性につながる私たち自身の感情的な正気で始まる。 We can search for that sanity together, or we can keep running. And it will continue to cost us. 私たちは私たちの家族の中でブラッドリージェームス·ノウェルの物語の私達の自身の個人的なバージョンを持っているとき、私たちは私たちの生活を続けていくことを可能にするいくつかの物質または依存症は、現実に叩きつけたとき。
Last week, I found an extraordinary article on SLATE by Jessica Olien, a writer and illustrator who lives in New York. The article is about a crucial topic in our society: Loneliness. Two days after I read it, Tim Ferris re-posted the link on his blog.
“In terms of human interactions, the number of people we know is not the best measure. In order to be socially satisfied, we don't need all that many people. According to Cacioppo the key is in the quality, not the quantity of those people. We just need several on whom we can depend and who depend on us in return.
As a culture we obsess over strategies to prevent obesity. We provide resources to help people quit smoking. But I have never had a doctor ask me how much meaningful social interaction I am getting. Even if a doctor did ask, it is not as though there is a prescription for meaningful social interaction.”
This is a very relevant topic for us as men. In the ManKind Project men's work we help men break out of damaging cycles of isolation. Our I-Group men's groups are places where men find a way out of isolation and into brotherhood.
Victor became an officer of the Peruvian Navy. フェルナンドはペルー空軍の将校となった。 When it came my time to decide, and about to finish high school in Lima, my father asked me:
“What are you going to do with your life?”
“I want to be a writer,” I replied timidly.
“If you like books you better be an attorney.”
私たちは本当に誰であるかであることについて恥を運ぶことは私たちが生きてしたくない静物に私たちをリードして我々の文化、文化的な影の欠陥である。あなたの周りの世界は、あなたが本当にある人を受け入れていない場合は、通常の反応は、これらの人々から離れて移動することであろう。 But what happens when the people who don't accept you are close friends or even family? あなたが聞いたメッセージを使用すると、何かがあなたと深く間違っていると思うにつながるように若いときにさらに悪いことに、何が起こるか？
私たちは恥で私たちの生活をカバーし始める。 This is what happened to me.
恥はかつてあなたの潜在意識にシスト化し非常に現実的な架空の病気であり、それはあなたの自己イメージのあらゆる部分に影響を与え、間違いなくあなたの人生に影響を持つことになります。 According to Dr. Robert Glover (author of the great book No More Mr. Nice Guy) if you don't work on the little issues that are holding you back on your inner self, then you won't pass to the next level on your development, no matter how small they are.
Robert Bly, on his book Seven Sources of Shame, explains that we can “practice” living with shame, and at certain point we just tolerate shame in our lives: the consequences will be that we'll believe that we are not adequate to the society, and our interpretation is that our shames ARE ourselves, and not circumstances that we can let go out of our lives at any time.
i was sitting in a diner on colorado boulevard the other day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a friend (late 40s, a working mother of three), when a homeless man materialized next to us.
i say “materialized” because i had no awareness of him entering the restaurant (even though i was seated facing the door) and no awareness of him approaching our table. yet there he was. tall, thin, white, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and a filthy trucker's cap. looking about 50 going on 80. and he wanted money.
“do you have any spare ch-” was all i heard before tuning him out and looking away, making eye-contact with my friend across the table. i felt sure we were both thinking the same thing. “oh boy. here we go.”
before i could launch into my “sorry, buddy” speech our waitress (late 40s, tiny) was standing at our table, telling this guy to take a hike. “you can't be in here / you shouldn't be bothering our customers / please leave” etc.
but he didn't leave.
instead he got into it with our waitress, pointing out the cross on her neck and gearing up for a dressing down on themes of christianity, charity, and the whole shebang. and our waitress was having none of it. “you can't be in here / you shouldn't be bothering our customers / please leave” she repeated, this time minus the “please.”
all the while i'm sitting there silently, wondering when it would be over, waiting for whoever was in charge to come over and handle things. i'm not sure who i was envisioning. probably the manager. who would be male. and older. and in charge.
he'd know what to do.
things are heating up now, the homeless guy and our waitress bristling, really starting to go at it, about 30 seconds from taking it to the next level. my friend across the table is very quiet. she, like me, is waiting for it to be over. for order to be restored.
and then, as i sit there witnessing two women in discomfort and a man in distress, it occurs to me – nobody's coming over. nobody's going to handle things.
i'm the man. i'm the one in charge.
and suddenly i'm rising from the table. i say, “let's go outside, buddy. i'll give you something outside.” and my tone of voice isn't “hey, asshole” or “listen here.” it's matterof-fact. like, “this is what's going to happen.”
and then the homeless guy and i are walking to the door together. and then we're through the door and out on the street. and then i open my wallet and hand him a 20- dollar bill.
and then he's holding me.
i don't know or remember exactly how that came to be, but all at once his arms are around me and i'm getting a full-body hug from a homeless person.
and this hug is textbook MKP. no awkward thumps. no tentative pats. no “let's keep our groins angled out of this, okay?” he's just holding me. and, after a beat, i'm holding him.
and this goes on for 20 seconds. 30 seconds. he's talking into my shoulder too. i hear the words “veteran,” “oklahoma,” and “my birthday.” everything else is muffled. but i also hear “thank you, brother.” he says this three, maybe four times.
and as i watch someone walk past us and do a double-take, as i continue to inhale the scent of a man who's spent years (decades?) on the street, i think to myself, “yes. this is my brother.”
then it was over and i was waving good-bye. i went inside the restaurant and slid back into the booth, now smelling like the homeless guy. and i wanted to weep.
and while the waitress proceeded to call me “hero” and then scold me for putting myself in “danger,” i thought about masculinity and chivalry and the need to be seen and heard and how i'm a 40-year-old man (going on 41) who's still waiting for the guy in charge to show up.
i thought about how i would have handled the situation before starting my work with MKP six months ago, which probably would have looked like me not handling it. or like me handling it by making it worse. like me handling it by robbing another man of his dignity and the chance to connect.
and i thought about how we are all brothers. all of us.
then i looked up and noticed a man i knew from MKP, a man i'd seen just the night before while sitting in an i-group, seated with his wife across the restaurant, enjoying a nice breakfast.
brothers everywhere. all around.
Born in England, raised in Brooklyn, New York, and a graduate of Princeton University, Wentworth Miller is a compelling and critically acclaimed young actor whose credits span both television and feature film. Learn more about Wentworth Miller at IMdb . ミラー氏は、人類のプロジェクトアメリカ、ロサンゼルスコミュニティのメンバーです。
人類プロジェクト米国サイクリングチームは最近、私たちの第二RAGBRAI（アイオワ州アクロス登録の年次グレート自転車ライド）に参加しました。私たちは、乗車のためにアイオワ州に40以上の男性と女性の全国から（カナダ）をもたらした。ランス·アームストロングは、乗車の数日のためにアイオワ州に出てきたので、チェックイン来るランスのための招待状を出して！ with us at the ManKind Project. そして乗り心地が終わるかもしれませんが - 招待状が立っている。私たちは、あらゆる人のための準備ができて全国の研修機会と男性のグループを持っている。続きを読む...覚えるNewWarriorTraining.orgを
3。Because being the 'best man you can be' is easier with help.
孤独なカウボーイの時代は終わった。惑星は、それを取ることができない私たちの家族はそれを取ることができない、私たちの社会はそれを取ることができない。アイソレーションが、文字通り私たちを殺している。全てではないが、私たちのは、スポンサーシップ、またはタイトル、あるいは政治的なオフィス、あるいはキャリアの数百万ドルを失うことになる - 絶縁の男は、彼がどのような値が失われます。 What we hear over and over is stories of men losing themselves, losing their families, losing their ability to face themselves in the mirror without shame and anger, losing the ability to be with those they love without hiding.
良いニュースは、 - そして良いニュースがたくさんある - 文化はこの現実に目覚められ、男性と女性はそれについて何かをする行動を取っているということです。 The ManKind Project is one such effort. 私たちは、男性が目を覚ますと、新しい現実を作成する困難な作業を開始するために彼らの生活の中で通話を聞くとそこにいることを約束している。 When a man is ready to do whatever it takes to heal the parts of his soul that have been hidden away … we're there as a community to challenge and support him in that journey.
And there are other kinds of adventures. あなたはアスリートや癌を克服したように、人間の可能性の調査を行ってきた、あなたは非常によくやった。あなたは私が今まで出会ったすべての他の人のようなら、私の推測では、いくつかの暗い廊下やパスは、あなたが旅行してきた道路上で避けられた事がある精神の森の中にあるということです。古地図が言ったように「ここを超えて、龍がある。 '
In the work we do with men at the ManKind Project, we offer an opportunity to take some of those dark paths and see what treasures lie within. Our Native American brothers call the work we do 'exploring inner space,' our hunting and tracking friends call it 'inner tracking.' そこに我々は何をすべきか記述するために多くの方法があり、中核に、それはあなたの魂に英雄の旅を取って、そこに潜む試練に直面してのことだ。 It's different for each man, and universal.
男性は何を表現しても大丈夫ですものではありません学ぶ道に沿って、共有して[OK]を何であり、何でない。これは、同様に女性のための確かに真実である。男性は弱さ、脆弱性、痛み、悲しみ、喜び、優しさ...などを非表示に教えられています。女性はその激しさ、怒り、パワー、野心、強...などを非表示に教えられています。 Thankfully, for some this isn't as true today as it was in the past, but it's still the norm. 我々は英雄、有名人と名声の錯覚を愛する文化の中で生きていますが、我々は何度マスクは現実の人々に何をすべきかを介して参照してください。 コリーモンティスは、ホテルの部屋で一人で死ぬ。
It starts early. 最近、私は妻と一緒にアイスクリームスタンドにあった。おそらく3歳の小さな男の子は、自分自身を楽しんで、笑って、跳ねる、走り回って、ありました。数分後、彼は失策を取って、ガツンとアスファルトの上に下って行った。これは、ハードランディングはありませんでしたが、それは彼に衝撃を与えた。 Before the surprise on his face had even begun to shift into the pain of the shock, his big sister swept him off the ground saying … 'You're a BIG MAN. 大男。 No crying. 大男してください。 '彼の母親と父親は、ベンチから見て、メッセージを強化...、あなたは大きな男だ 'のnothinではないか'。 '
少年は怪我をしなかった。しかし、秋の確認応答がありませんでした。でも、15番目のウィンドウは、言うまでもありません... 'うわー。 You fell! かなり固い地面を打つ、EHバディ？ちょっと怖い！それはおそらく、ハァッいくつかを傷つける？ And then to move on … having witnessed and acknowledged what happened. そこに痛みを満足させる理由はない - しかし、それを認めることは健全であると共感を示しています - 人間が持って生まれている最も重要で、生活を向上させるtaitsの1 - と悲劇 - から訓練を受けた。
我々は拒否し、抑制する私たちの痛みを、そしてそれを表現する人々を処罰するように教えられています。我々が最も愛する人のさえ苦痛。私が生きていることの痛みを遮断することができないために自分を罰するの男性数百人に会ってきた。 It's a vicious cycle. The denial leads to choices that hurt us all; fatherlessness, domestic violence, gang violence, mass killings, common disregard for others, for our health, for the health of our society, and the health and vitality of our planet.
と公人として...あなたは重い代償を払ってきました。そして、あなたの行動は多くの人々に影響を与えている。我々は倒れたヒーローよりも多くの愛は何もありません。 On a subconscious level it gives us a glimpse of the game … the game of denial … and let's us keep it 'out there' at arms length rather than owning it for ourselves.
ランス·アームストロングは、 - あなたは、私たちと一緒に座って来るように招待されています。そして、あなたは、あなたがマスクを脱いでしばらく取っておくことができますしたい場合。 I'm inviting you to come check in – I've offered three reasons, and there are lots more.
I know with certainty that I won't be catching up to you on a bike, but maybe there's another kind of journey I can ride with you on.
With respect and admiration – Boysen Hodgson 413-883-2462、立ち寄り、私を呼び出す、私にテキスト。
PS。 The day the Lance Armstrong interview aired on Oprah, January 17, over 100 supporters of the ManKind Project were in Chicago in the audience for the filming of Oprah's Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant on “Fatherless Sons,” parts I and II. “Fatherless Sons – the Reaction” aired two weeks ago. 人類プロジェクトから男性が再びあった。これらは、オプラの最高の定格ライフクラスがこれまでに示している。
It's hard to believe I was once so afraid of straight men: the enemy. Enemy might be too strong, but let's say potential adversary . Sure, I had met and befriended exceptions to the rule (rare exceptions, I believed), cool straight men who accepted me for who I was. I knew it was possible.
But as a gay man, I also endured some verbal abuse and witnessed the disgust in straight men's eyes for seeing me as I am. Under the guise of new friendship one straight man invited me to one of those conversion weekends designed to overcome the 'gay curse.' So yeah, I owned some shit around straight men. I needed to do my own work.
I didn't know that I would do my work with straight men, that they were the only ones to love and heal wounds inside me that years ago, I vowed I would never, ever let a straight man see. I could never expose that vulnerability.
But they saw me.
And they loved me.
I just published my second novel, titled King Mai . Takes place on a Midwestern farm. One theme is the friendships between gay and straight men.
I sometimes think I have written these two books exclusively for my MKP brothers. Beneath the plot, the outdoor sex, the kidnapping of baby ducks (not in a sexy way, just a normal two-men-kidnapping-water-fowl kind of way), beneath all that lies the familiar struggle of gold and shadow, and if there's one story both straight and gay MKP brothers love to discuss, it's the struggle of gold and shadow.
Get this: both novels invite the title character to experience a 40-hour warrior's journey, during which his internal defenses are lovingly stripped and he delves deep into his grief, his anger, his fear –whatever–until he remembers something amazing – that he himself is amazing – and he rises to meet his golden, glowing kingship on Sunday morning, remembering the man he was always meant to be.
I thought it might.
Roughly ten years ago, on a New Warrior Training Adventure, I remembered that I am amazing and I also discovered I was missing half the love in the world by not loving my straight brothers.
On the day I finished writing a first draft of King Mai , my buddy Snake Bloomstrand happened to stop over at my house. At that moment, I was writing about the two main characters saying goodbye and as sad as they were, I felt worse. I had loved these characters for hundreds of pages and I had to say goodbye, too. I cried while sharing with Snake what this book meant to me.
Snake listened thoughtfully. Quietly. I described a final scene I was writing where Vin Vanbly and Mai Kearns explore the family farm, holding hands.
He said, “You should have them tour the machine barn and look at all the rusted equipment. They recognize those broken tills and old combines might be how farmers show love each to other. Through all those machines they intend to fix one day.”
“Yes,” I said, eager to reinforce a theme in the book. I was excited by this idea. “It's how straight farmers say, 'I love this guy.'”
“Maybe,” Snake said. “Maybe not just straight men. Might be that all men love each other through machines and equipment.”
I had assumed something –not particularly negative, but still, assumed –because of an old sore spot in me that used to be jagged and angry. Having deep friendships with straight men is no longer a novelty, but sometimes old programming surfaces. I will always need straight male friends to point out my basis and blind assumptions.
Vin Vanbly, the narrator of my stories, at one point thinks to himself:
We're so busy defining ourselves as gay men and straight men, we forget we share a whole word in common. We are men . Despite one rather substantial difference, we should remain curious to see what we learn from each other. What's it like over on your side of manhood? そうそう！ We don't do anything like that over here. But then again…maybe we do.
Snake earned the right to make plot suggestions because he read my first book, King Perry , and after finishing told me, “I loved it. 私でした。 But it definitely confirms I am 100% straight. Holy shit did it confirm that.”
I would be a different man without Snake in my life.
My life would be less without Joe.
And Harry. And Matt. And Kyle, Chad, Ron, Eric, Kai, Kirt, Mike, Roger, Daniel, Hunter, Kevin, Tim, David, and let me tell you a story about the friendship between me and Brett. Wait, wait…there are too many fucking men to list.
That's why I had to expand the circle to ensure I didn't miss any names. If you flip to the dedication page in King Mai , it reads:
To all my MKP brothers, especially the straight ones.
Edmond Manning is the author of King Mai and King Perry . He was initiated through the New Warrior Training Adventure in May 2003, Camp Eagle Lake, Minnesota.
Back in my high school days, being popular meant being liked and respected by many. 人気のあることは、多くの友人やガールフレンドをたくさん抱えていた。 The more friends and girlfriends you had, the more successful you were.
As I moved through my early adulthood, the “more” was anything material: more or better cars, more or bigger houses, more or more beautiful women.
In spite of the simplicity of my behavior, I do see it as a necessary stage in growing up. I had to experience the benefits and the disadvantages to look for something more. I gradually outgrew of my need to conquer women and acquire more friends. I began to realize my hunger for more would never be met.
Unfortunately, I had no one suggesting any alternatives. I struggled, hoping to find that perfect woman and friend thinking that would satiate my hunger.
I tried going it alone. Telling myself I didn't need anyone. それはうまくいきませんでした。
I read books, took workshops, and traveled, looking for something more. Eventually I settled down to realize it wasn't about getting more, doing more or having more. It was about being more. Yes, I know that sounds trite. But as an action it was something no one in my youth ever suggested.
I came to realize being more wasn't about meditating more. It was about engaging more with life. In doing that, I realized part of my drive for more things was my fear of being with myself. With that understanding, I knew I needed to slow down and go deep. Going after many things always kept me moving. Slowing down allowed many of those things I was unconsciously running from to catch up to me.
When they did catch up to me, I eventually learned to surrender and relax. For a moment the fear intensified – then there was release into a simple pleasure. After several of these experiences (I never said I was a quick learner) I began to appreciate the power of going deep.
Shifting from broad to deep
As I slowed down and went deeper into my own experiences, much like slowing down to savor a good meal, I began to see patterns. The first pattern was exciting: it took less stimuli to please me. Before I was like an extreme athlete looking for that next edge for that next rush. I began to look in the opposite direction. I saw slowing down required fewer stimuli to produce a relatively same level of pleasure.
I also looked to a different form of support and friendship. Hanging with others who were driven for more only made me anxious. Not wanting to live a life of solitude I began looking for others who would nurture my drive to go deep. When I started forming men's groups I felt I was coming home, albeit a new home.
Particularly with my last incarnation of a men's group, the Sandpoint Men's Group, I felt fulfilled. We have a micro-community of men and consequently their families who savor deep connections.
What deep connections give you
Here is a list of incredible benefits deep connections will provide. For many of us men learning, these qualities are best learned with other men. Once learned with men, they naturally generalize with our partners. Attempting to master them first with women is an uphill ordeal.
Going deep into self – experiencing a deeper sense of who you are
Letting go of masks – stop pretending to be someone you aren't
Taking risks from a place of authenticity – not “faking it to you make it”, being vulnerable as you risk
Feeling AS you perform – not using performance as an escape, but as a way to feel more and be more present
It's a man thing to use action as way to deepen our authenticity
Speaking the truth – saying what is true for you in the face of others denying their own truths
Expressing wants – asking for what you want, knowing you may not get it
Developing new skills – as you develop deeper connections you naturally develop betters skills of communication and connection
Falling in love – the depth and vulnerability opens you up to love more
Self acceptance and Love of others – you can't love others more than you accept/love yourself
Holding space – creating an emotionally safe space for others to feel and express their emotions
Leading through example – when you risk to connect deeper, you show others that's is safe to do the same and how to do it
Fun – deep connections brings new joy
You relax – easier than you thought possible
It takes a community
You could sit in a cave for years meditating to deepen your connection. But who has the time—or desire—to escape life completely? We live with thousands—sometimes millions—of other people. Yet we are rarely close to a group of people.
To develop the skill of going deep, it works best to practice it with others who are doing the same. For men I've never seen a quicker, more powerful, or more fun way to develop depth than in a men's group. You get to model other men, experiment connecting with other men and receive feedback on your communication as all of you experience the joys of a deep community.
As powerful as a men's group can be, it's a foreign phenomenon for most men. Just hanging out with a group of men will not do it. You will get bored and choose not to continue. You need a tight set of agreements to create a container for your group. Then you need the commitment to hang in through the rough stages of forming a group. Having instruction and support will help, but it's not necessary.
Along with MKP , we are committed to supporting men in learning the forgotten art of going deep. Free to Win offers Two Day Men's Groups as an immersion into a deep men's group. We are also offering a one-day workshop for men who are looking at joining or forming a men's group, or men who want to take their group deeper. This workshop is in NYC June 30 th .